Law & Order: UC Episode 5

YES!


Houde: What?
MWoF: YOU'RE BOTH FIRED!
Bass: What?

Houde and Bass look at each other, then at MWoF.

Houde: I'll take that as a lapse in judgement my friend
Bass: We'll get back on the case.
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I love how they just ignore him

The entire office is framed pictures of Manwithoutfear posing. They are all closeups of his face. And they are all smiling.
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I'm sure that's what he would actually do
 
VVD: Nig
Synch: Nig....what's with the Crackah?
Nigma: I told him to wait outside.
Ice: I love crackers those. Hey, you got any.
VVD: Honkey
Ice: You guys have a donkey too! That's awesome!
Nigma: Ice, can you please wait outside. I need to talk to my friends.
Ice: But I'm your friend too
Nigma: OUTSIDE!
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i've had that converstion, almost word for word, expect replace honkey with white chicken, and your good. :wink:

VVD: Hate crime

Nigma was on the ground.

Nigma: WHY! WHY DID YOU SHOOT OFF MY PINKY TOE!
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hate crime is right, now i have no Balance!!!!! stick him VVD, get him, stick Slim on him :wink: :twisted:

Houde: I see you've decorated.
MWoF: Talking back to me? TALKING BACK TO ME?
Houde: I was?
Bass: He was complementing you
MWoF: You were complementing me? YOU WERE COMPLEMENTING ME?
Houde: Stop it?
MWoF: YOU'RE TELLING ME TO STOP?
Bass: Um...okay...we're going to go investigate the murder of GMaster now
MWoF: GET OUT OF OFFICE N00BS!
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that sounds about right; and i needed a good laugh thank you.
 
Ultimate Houde said:
Okay okay, I'm stressed right now, these are coming out when I get to them
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HA! Now you know my pain on the UC fanfic! You! You! You who is always, "When's the next issue? When's the next issue?" Well, know I hope you know how much your continuous pestering of love aggravate my soul! I am an artiste! *puts on beret* I cannot work like a factory! Begone with you, pathetic mardi gras auteur!


:heart:

Ultimate Houde said:
Nigma: MAN! That guy just ran a red light! Forget the body, let's ticket him!
Ice: ON IT!

Ice pulls out his gun, and slaps the light on the roof of the car.

Nothing moves.

Nigma: Ice, you're driving. You need to step on the pedal to get this bucket moving.
Ice: OH! My bad!

And they were off.

----

Bass: I AM THE NEXUS!

The patrons in the donut shop ignore him.

Most likely because he does it everyday.

----

VVD: Nig
Synch: Nig....what's with the Crackah?
Nigma: I told him to wait outside.
Ice: I love crackers those. Hey, you got any.
VVD: Honkey
Ice: You guys have a donkey too! That's awesome!
Nigma: Ice, can you please wait outside. I need to talk to my friends.
Ice: But I'm your friend too
Nigma: OUTSIDE!

---

The station was in a state of disarray, because of one man screaming for joy

One man screaming for excitement.

One man who has recently been instated as Police Chief.

Manwithoutfear screamed.

Like a little school girl.

MWoF: I'M THE BOSS! FINALLY! BEWARE n00bS!

----

Houde: I see you've decorated.
MWoF: Talking back to me? TALKING BACK TO ME?
Houde: I was?
Bass: He was complementing you
MWoF: You were complementing me? YOU WERE COMPLEMENTING ME?
Houde: Stop it?
MWoF: YOU'RE TELLING ME TO STOP?
Bass: Um...okay...we're going to go investigate the murder of GMaster now
MWoF: GET OUT OF OFFICE N00BS!

Spittle was now covering both cops.

Houde: Okay
MWoF: YOU AGREEING WITH ME?
Houde: stop the yelling!
MWoF: CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE!
Houde: I'm so confused. Why are you yelling at me? WHY?
MWoF: GET OUT!
Houde: I was trying, but you kept yelling at me!
MWoF: YOU'RE FIRED!

A pause

Houde: What?
MWoF: YOU'RE BOTH FIRED!
Bass: What?

Houde and Bass look at each other, then at MWoF.

Houde: I'll take that as a lapse in judgement my friend
Bass: We'll get back on the case.
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Much truth in them thar scenes, 'tis like a documentary, a vivid and honest portrait of our own characters. Ice is indeed, a cracka. Mwof is a girly-girly parrot. And I...

I AM THE NEXUS!​
 
Bass said:
Much truth in them thar scenes, 'tis like a documentary, a vivid and honest portrait of our own characters. Ice is indeed, a cracka. Mwof is a girly-girly parrot.
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What?! I'm no cracka. I'm not even white! :shock:


:lol:
 
Aye, I now know how it feels, and notice, I have not pestered you for the final issue of your run

For I will be sad to see it go.

But, there shall be a race mon something

A race

Will Law and Order finish before Bass UCFanfic?

Only time will tell.
 
So, what happens when Hawkeye101 gets fired? WHat does someone with that little amount of skills do with oneself?

They get hired.

But by whom?

Also, Ultimate Gambit continues his search for knowledge, looking at the murder scene. What will he find?
 
Hawkeye101 was in the dumps. He got fired from his job, got kicked into the street, and left for by himself because his best friend Orson Scott Card was just eaten by radioactive monkeys. Things couldn't be worse for him, then it all changed. He was approached by someone onthe street, two people actually, one guy was getting dragged.

Person: Excuse me, are you gullible?
Hawkeye101: What's that?
Person: Quick, look on the ceiling!

It should be of note that they were outside. But Hawkeye101 looked anyways

Hawkeye101: I don't see aything; Your friend looks ill..and he smells bad.
Person: Trust me on this, cause I'm smart, no really I am, I need you to look after this body for me, okay? Can you do that?
Hawkeye101: I don't know, my best BFF (Best friend forever) was just eaten by a radioactive monkey and I'm emotional right now...
Person: I'll buy you candy
Hawkeye101: You got a deal!
Person: Okay, now, just leave the body right here.
Hawkeye101: Okay! I'll wait right next to it!
Person: Thanks!

The guy in the trenchcoat ambled off, and Hawkeye101 sat next to the dead body of GMaster

Hawkeye101: Will you be my friend?

---

Ultimate Gambit looked at the crime scene. He was staring at the same part for hours.

Ultimate Gambit:I may know what have happend
Bass: It's about time.

He elbows Houde, who wakes up, snorting

Houde: Huh, what...oh, did he find something
Bass: He said he may know what have happened.
Houde: Oh goodie. Bout time
Ultimate Gambit:I see.....A person, getting shot inthere

He points at E's office

Ultimate Gambit: Then he falls down there.

He points at Compound's chalk outline.

Ultimate Gambit: Where he bleeds to death.

Ultimate Gambit stands up, wiping his hands as if he did a long days worth of work.

Ultimate Gambit: I am good
Bass: You suck
Ultimate Gambit: I do not suck
Bass: Anyone who could read could figure that out, it was on the report!
Ultimate Gambit: Ah, but I haven't looked at the report
Bass: Yes you did, in the car
Ultimate Gambit: Gasp...how did you know?
Bass: Cause, mine was back there, you even doodled on it, with your initials. I say we lock him in with Dr. Strangefate and figure it out on our own Houde.
Houde: Well, that plan is sure devious, but BAss, technically, we are fired, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Bass: Nope
Ultimate Gambit: Hey, does no one care about me and my investigation?
Bass: Nope
Houde: Bass, it's time.
Bass: Oh, now I know what your taling about.
Houde: It's time for Houde and Bass to open up there very own....PRIVATE INVESTIGATION UNIT!

They're Houde, Houde and the Nexus Nexus Nexus Nexus!​
 
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Hahaha!! That last part with Hawkeye101 is priceless. :lol:

And Bass and Houde with their own IU?! :shock:

I smell more funniness coming along. Or the smell of Nigmas blood. Either or.
 
Yes! Finally! I'm a private eye! Prepare for lengthy non-sequitur monologues filled with bizarre metaphors! My best Humphrey Bogart impression! I'll call everyone "mug" and say "see" a lot! My arch-nemesis will be called Bugsy! Prepare for... Bass Noir!

:rockon:
 
I could have sworn the first line was "Hawkeye101 was taking a dump."

When I saw that it was not, I was sorely disappointed.
 
Four days ago

It's a dark room, filled with smoke. A Tv, which is playing Casablanca in black and white in on, it's flickering light reveals the face of none other than Bass.

Bass: It's a dark, cloudy and rainy night, but aren't they all. The dame walked into the office, her heels and her dress both showin goff the fact she was extremely beautiful. She sassyed her hips over to the desk, leaning down. Nice cleavage lady, I really enjoy looking at it. She smiles, and slides over a folder. My husband is cheating on me, I wish for you too find him for me.

Bass takes a deep breath, and a drag on a candy cigarette before continuing.

Bass: Sure thing Famke, anything else you need? The dame leans forward, and begins too...
Houde: BASS!
BAss: WHAT!
Houde: Why is there all this damn smoke in the apartment.
Bass: SHUT UP AND GO BACK TO BED!
Houde: I wasn't even in bed. I went to get us some subs down at Luigi's. What the hell is going on? What you watching on the TV?

Houde turns on the lights to his apartment. A smoke machine is set up in the corner, and a movie featuring Bass' love interest, Famke Janssen is on. Bass quickly covers himself up with a blanket.

Houde: Um...need a tissue?
BAss: Seriously, I was setting atmosphere!
Houde: For what? A whack off session? It's not even 6:20 yet, hell, it ain't even NOON!
Bass: DUDE! For our private investigation buisness. We need to set the atmosphere.

Houde opens the blinds, letting in light, then a window, causing the smoke to leave the apartment.

Houde: We get our job back, everyone already read the beginning of this you know.
Bass: You suck man, atmopshere!
Houde: No, and I refuse to have an archnemesis called Bigsby
Bass: ATMOSPHERE!
Houde: I saw the paper, I can't believe you put out ads for an archenemy. Who does that?

The phone rings.
Houde: I got that...hello.

Pause

Houde: Positions been filled, sorry.

He hangs up.

Houde: That was the tenth call today for that position. Man, I hate you so much right now. Listen, Nur told me the body of GMaster was stolen.
BAss: ANd she was about to kiss me.
Houde: BASS FOCUS!

He slaps Bass.

Houde: THERE IS NO FAMKE HERE!
Bass: That hurt, why do you cause me so much pain?
Houde: Listen, we need to find GMaster's body. If we find out where the body is, we may be able to figure out what happened.
Bass: It still hurts.
Houde: My god, get some clothes on, we're heading out in five.

Bass gives him a pathetic look.

Houde: FINE! TEN! Just don't stain the sofa.

Houde walks out.

Bass takes out his sub, and eats it. He manages not to stain the sofa, but man, did he get lettuce all over the carpet.
 
Nur was having a rough day. Manwithoutfear had fired half the department already, though no one seemed to be listening, and was hanging out in the lobby. One of those was Skotti, so Nur was the man who took the secretary position. He walked into the office to see Manwithoutfear arguing with ProjectX2.

MWOF: I hate your name
ProjectX2: I hate your face
MWoF: Are you talking back to me?
ProjectX2: No, I'm insulting you.

Nurhachi breathed out, MWoF was starting to fire ProjectX2 now it seemed.
MWoF: YOU TALKING BACK TO ME!
ProjectX2: Get a breath mint
MWoF: YOU'RE FIRED!
ProjectX2: I like your feet.

Nur gave ProjectX2 a weird look, but MWoF was like a train, unable to be derailed no matter what.

MWoF: GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!
ProjectX2: Are you being cereal?
MWoF: GET OUT OF MY OFFICE NOW!
ProjectX2: Whatever, if you need me I'll be in my office
MWoF: YOU'RE FIRED!
ProjectX2: Whatever, hey Nur, talk to you later.

ProjectX2 got up and walked out of the office. MWoF's head was red, and a couple veins could be seen, pumping up and down.

MWoF: They're against me man, against me, all of them, they want my job
Nur: Um...I don't think they do
MWoF: They want my job, I'm sure of it. I need to stop them completely.
Nur: We also need a police force.
MWoF: SHUT UP!
Nur: Sure, I'm shutting up.

Nur quickly exited the office before MWoF could fire him too, and b-lined it for the phone. MWoF needed to relax, and if anyone needed relaxation, there was one man to call.

DIrishB's Bungalow:

DIrishB: AND GET OUT!

DIrishB kicked Doc Comic in the ***, knocking him out of the bungalow.

DIrishB: Damn freeloaders

His phone rang, and he picked it up.

DIrishB: Hello, this is DIrishB's bungalow.
Nur: Dude, we need to good stuff down here, stat.
DIrishB: Got it.

He turned around and yelled at Doc Comic who was trying to sneak into the window.

DIrishB: I SAID GET OUT!

He kicks him in the face.
 
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