Ultimate Central: The Fanfic - volume 6

thee great one said:
I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL

Which tastes like red bull. Which is disgusting.
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Is soul as good with Jagermeister as Red Bull is?

It tastes like smarties! :D
 
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Ok, let's talk about this some. We have several themes running through this 11 issue behemoth tha has seen more delays than a Hitllar book

First theme: Greek themes/ references

There has been an overabundance of greek names/titles/made up words seen throughout this run. What does this mean? Well, one, nothing good ever happened in Greek mythology, and I fear this is where it's heading. Some sort of tradegy is going to befall our beloved Avatars. With Manwithoutfear leaving the team (something that was semi-foreshadowed in the first issue of the arc, when he was presumed 'dead') and gone off to find Ultimate Houde for some reason (which he did make a point in saying. Since Ultimate Houde did show up with Rene, and has a teleporting power, is Manwithoutfear going to ask Ultimate Houde is spring Slimjim from jail and use Slimjim to bring back Longshotjimlee? Or is he going to find out where Ultimate Houde found Rene, and ask if Ultimate Houde knew how Rene was brought back from the dead. Theories I have, back to the greekness), who will lead the avatars. The team has had a severe shift in leaders lately, after finding out their original leader was evil, then the backup was killed and brought back as a zombie, Eroz, a god, was destroyed by Bass LakTus, and the last one jsut up and left, does this mean the team is leaving too? Is that the tradegy, the team of hereos leaves the world to it's own devices and turn their back on superheroing?

So, the greekness, to me, involes a tradegy. But which tradegy would that be is the question.

Second theme: The Four Forces

Electromagentism, gravity, weak nuclear forces, strong nuclear forces.

Ourchair, Compound, Ultimate bigby, ????

Who is the last member of this group? Who has the power of strong nuclear forces? The power of strong nuclear forces is the bond that holds the nuclues of the atom together, the nuetrons, positrons and electrons. Who holds such a strong power, and why are all these forces just now coming together? What are they fighting against.

Does this have anything to do with the Red Star that is descending from the sky? It will be important, and has been mentioned in four seperate issues. What does this star hold for the UC:FF universe?

What themes have the rest of you discovered in this arc?
 
Has anyone heard from Bass? He hasn't been on in a week and a half. I know he was traveling and all but I thought he said he'd only be out of englad for a week or so.
 
Nah, I never knew how long I'd be gone. I assume around a month. I only mentioned putting up an issue in the 'next week' or so because I assumed that's when I'd be heading home. I'm home now, and #48 is approved, so I just need to do the cover (something I didn't do in Beirut as I had no scanner) and then the issue will be up. :)
 
Bass said:
Nah, I never knew how long I'd be gone. I assume around a month. I only mentioned putting up an issue in the 'next week' or so because I assumed that's when I'd be heading home. I'm home now, and #48 is approved, so I just need to do the cover (something I didn't do in Beirut as I had no scanner) and then the issue will be up. :)
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Is anyone hung up on the covers? I'm not. 8)
 
The covers are the best part of the issue.
 
ucff48cover7ro.jpg


Friday

Sensationville, Country Town, Home to Some Good Ol' Fashioned 50's Diners

Thee Great One: "You will rue this day, Sub-nics! Yes, you may have temporarily set back my plans for global domination today, but that day is still coming! YOUCANNOTESCAPEIT! You may have stopped my GENIUS plan of taking over the martyrdom cult of The Captain by pretending to be him returned to the world in the wake of Slimjim's activities and therefore use my influence over them to spread the cult across the globe resulting in the production of a huge movie called 'The Sensation of the Captain' that would have smashed all the box office records as people run, screaming into their pitiful human entertainment prisons desiring for meaning in their useless, pathetic lives by feeling guilt and confusing it with pleasure like the sado-masochists they are, flowing into my movie-gulags to see their beloved snuff film all the while I rake in all the profits and soon, with so much money, take over the world! Oh, you may have stopped this plan, Sub-nics, oh you may have indeed stopped this plan, but the Interweb Vikings will return with even more evil plans for global domination stuffed into our veins like so much donut JELLY! PLAN JELLY! You may win this day, but I will win the war! VICTORY! VICTORY!"

And with that, Thee Great One and Curly, the Interweb Vikings teleport far away.

Watcher: "Y'know… it's quite impressive how long one person can talk when they don't need to take in a breath."

Exactly 56 Seconds Earlier

The Sub-nics, because Watcher wanted to go somewhere quiet for a nice meal, teleport into Sensationville.

Then Thee Great One and Curly, out of nowhere, jump in front of them and yell.

Now Again

Ultimate Bigby: "… Did we just foil one of their plans to take over the world?"
Rene: "… I think so."
Hawkeye101: "That was our toughest battle ever."

They're Curly. They're Curly and Thee Great One, Thee Great One!

~ NURHACHI PRESENTS ~
ULTIMATE CENTRAL
THE FANFIC
"AARGH! IT'S TOG'S MIGHTY PLANS OF DOOM!"
Volume 6, Issue 48, By Bass​


The Sub-Nics roll call
The Sub-Nics are a team of heroes delving into the mysteries of Ultimate Central - they are:
Hawkeye101 - exuberant and naïve former Avatar with super eyesight and arrows
Iceman - graffiti artist and ambitious hero who can create sub-zero temperaturs
Rene - the leader of the Sub-nics, a fireball-throwing green goblin hacker
Rufus - the team strategist who can talk to his future self
Ultimate Bigby - controller of weak radioactive forces and passionate hero
Watcher - the loner who can see, hear, touch, taste, and feel everything

The Interweb Vikings roll call
(… I'm sorry. The Interweb Vikings demanded they write their own roll call. I'm so terribly, terribly sorry.)
Thee Great One - hot on the heels of his successful venture as TOG, the traitor of the Avatars (see #40), Thee Great One and his GREATNESS shines for he is a ZOMBIE which is better than being a PATHETIC HUMAN like yourselves! One day, TOG will reign supreme! He will be king and… REIGN SUPREME! VICTORY! VICTORY!
Curly - I LIKE BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES! I LIKE BOOBIES! I LIKE BOOBIES! I LIKE BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES!
Doc Comic - Nah, just joking. IN YOUR FACE, DOC COMIC!
Burt Reynolds - he should be on our team AND WILL BE because he can hook us up, knowwhutuhmsayin?
Not You - because you're so LAME
The Moral Center of the American Government - Well… once we find it.

… The Interweb Vikings have also demanded that I tell you what they're doing because you can't see it. It's at this point I'm supposed to curse the medium of prose. Because it's a "bourgeois fad". Okay. The Vikings are currently singing their "hit single" which is actually the same line, "I like boobies" repeated ad infinitum. They've been doing this straight for about 20 minutes now. Oh, and they're 'dancing'. You've seen the Star Wars Kid right? Well, they're doing that. But badly. Curly is actually hopping on one leg, the other raised out in front of him. He's hunched over and swinging daggers underneath his raised leg, but he's not moving his arms. Just his wrists. And I have this strange bursting feeling in my head.

Yep. Yep. That was my brain.

*thud*


Saturday

Castle Fun, South America

Thee Great One: "CURSE YOU SUB-NICS! Once again we have crossed paths and destiny has chosen your side but your luck cannot last forever for math decrees it! FEAR THE MATH! You may have stopped our plan for global domination this time by stumbling so INEFFICIENTLY onto our plan to transform this deadly castle turned carnival in South America into a deadly castle disguised as a carnival in South America designed to lure the leaders of the world so that we could kill them and take their place but we will be back with another plan that will be undefeatable! UNDEFEATABLE! VICTORY! VICTORY!"

And with that, Thee Great One and Curly, the Interweb Vikings teleport far away.

The Sub-nics just stand there at the entrance to the Castle Fun theme park, frozen and staring at where the Interweb Vikings were standing, with their money in their hands as the cashier, also looking at the where Interweb Vikings were standing, has her out ready to accept it.

No one moves.

Then everything continues as normal.

They're Curly. They're Curly and Thee Great One, Thee Great One!​

Sunday

Ultimate Central Mansion, Base of Operations for the Sub-nics

Curly: "DING DONG."
Watcher: "How odd. We don't have a doorbell."

Watcher and Hawkeye101 walk over to the living room of Ultimate Central mansion, where there is a crate, wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper.

It's not completely wrapped.

Because Curly is made of gold (14-carat gold) and 40 feet tall.

And the Watcher and Hawkeye101 have superpowers related to perception.

The Watcher and Hawkeye101 stare directly at Curly.

Curly notices.

He picks up the bow from the present and hides it over his face. It should be noted he picks it up with both hands, though to him, it's like picking up a pin.

And it doesn't cover the tip of his nose.

Let alone his jewfro and giant golden crown covered in rubies.

Creeeeeeeak.

The crate snaps, and Thee Great One, who obviously had been pressed quite tightly against the side of the crate (don't worry, he doesn't need to breathe), bursts out of the crate.

Thee Great One: "Well played Sub-nics but your defeat is as INEVITABLE AS MY OWN TRIUMPH! MUUUBWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA! You may have stopped our plan to infiltrate your base during this festive season by shrinking ourselves down to the size of MICROSCOPIC ANTS and hiding within your 'presents', which being such materialistic humans, you are incapable of refusing, would have allowed us to infiltrate your base during this festive season by shri… wait. I said that bit. Umm…"
Curly: "DO YOU NEED THE MEMORY CARDS?"
Thee Great One: "Please Cur. I think I can handle this."
Curly: "YOU CAN'T EVEN READ THEM CAN YOU?"
Thee Great One: "I'MATERRIFICSPELLER!"

Thee Great One clears his throat.

He points at Watcher and Hawkeye101.

Thee Great One: "CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU! VICTORY! VICTORY!"

And with that, Thee Great One and Curly, the Interweb Vikings teleport far away.

Watcher: "… It's still March isn't it?"

They're Curly. They're Curly and Thee Great One, Thee Great One!​

Monday

Ultimate Central Mansion, Base of Operations for the Sub-nics

Ultimate Bigby: "Rene, we've got a communication coming in."
Rene: "From whom?"
Thee Great One: "HELLO BRAIN-MUNCHERS! We are stealing a parrot so that we can extract bird DNA to create a race of super-ZOMBIE-parrots that can spit marbles on the ground during battle, causing you to TRIP TO YOUR UTTER DEMISE but YOU'LL never know!"
Ultimate Bigby: "But you just told us."
Thee Great One: "YOU'RELYING! VICTORY! VICTORY! VICTORY!"

And with that, Thee Great One and Curly, the Interweb Vikings end communication and no doubt, teleport far away.

They leave the parrot behind.

They're Curly. They're Curly and Thee Great One, Thee Great One!​

Tuesday

Blockbuster Video

Rufus potters around Blockbuster Video looking for Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, his most favourite film, to show to the Sub-nics, who have yet to see it.

He finds the aisle, and comes to Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.

Then Thee Great One and Curly teleport into the store.

Thee Great One: "IN YOUR FACE, RUFIO! Here we have the last copy of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure! Now you are screwed! … There's no need to be manly and not cry. CRY! CRY! I WANT TO LICK YOUR TEARS OF SADNESS! THEY'RE SO YUMMY!"
Rufus: "But I was after Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. They have like, a dozen copies here."
Thee Great One: "… VICTORY! VICTORY!"

And with that, Thee Great One and Curly, the Interweb Vikings teleport far away.

Leaving Rufus to pick up his favourite film to watch with his friends.

They're Curly. They're Curly and Thee Great One, Thee Great One!​

Wednesday

Ultimate Central Mansion, Base of Operations for the Sub-nics

Ultimate Bigby has yet to go to bed. It is 7am and he and Rene have been up all night examining and studying Ultimate Central.

He opens the cereal cupboard in the kitchen, but there is no cereal. Just a note. He tries to read it and can't.

Ultimate Bigby: "What the hell is this?"

The Interweb Vikings teleport into the kitchen, brandishing Bigby's cereal.

Thee Great One: "It's a ransom note, Bib. A ransom note for your cereal. That's right. I have discovered your weakness. Being a human you need to EAT! Without your precious cereal you will wither and die! I NOW OWN YOUR SOUL! … What is that?"
Ultimate Bigby: "It's an orange. It's quite tasty."
Curly: "CAN I HAVE ONE?"
Ultimate Bigby: "Sure."
Thee Great One: "… Well played, Bib. We shall match wits another time."
Ultimate Bigby: "Can I get my cereal back?"
Thee Great One: "Not until you pay the ransom, FOOL!"
Ultimate Bigby: "But I can't read the ransom note and I speak five languages."
Thee Great One: "Give it here, filth-worm."

Thee Great One takes the note and is about to read it, but realises he can't. He studies it, and engrossed in his own handwriting, uses both his hands. So he just hands Bigby the cereal, who sits down and starts eating a bowl of it - not that Thee Great One notices - as Thee Great One studies the paper.

Curly: "… IS THAT A 'B' OR A 'P'?"
Thee Great One: "… I think it's a question mark."
Curly: "WHY IS THE FIRST CHARACTER ON THE NOTE A QUESTION MARK?"
Thee Great One: "DON'TQUESTIONME! Very well Bib, the ransom shall be the following; THREE POGS AND A SHOE!"

Thee Great One and Curly notice that Ultimate Bigby has left the kitchen. He's had his cereal and washed up his bowl and spoon, put the cereal back in the cupboard and gone back to work.

Thee Great One: "VICTORY! VICTORY! VICTORY!"

And with that, Thee Great One and Curly, the Interweb Vikings teleport far away.

They're Curly. They're Curly and Thee Great One, Thee Great One!

*BANG*​

Thee Great One: "OKAY! THAT'S ENOUGH! I have had enough of you mocking our theme tune Writer-Drone! Continue the story or taste my wrath! IT'S FILLED WITH UMAMI!"

Thursday

Linkin Park, Home of the Interweb Vikings

It's been hours. But Tog has finally done it.

Thee Great One: "BEHOLD CUR! This Nirtogen/Oxygen-Maker will defeat the Sub-nics once and for all! Once we secretly teleport into their base and turn this on, the colourlous, odourless gaseous mixture of nitrogen and oxygen will slowly seep into the mansion and before they know it, they'll ALL WAKE UP DEAD! BWAAAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Curly: "DO I HAVE TO COME?"
Thee Great One: "Fine. But the victory shall be mine."
Curly: "INVADER ZIM IS ON IN A MINUTE."
Thee Great One: "Please Cur, that show is just a rip-off of our own amazing exploits."
Curly: "BUT IT'S FUNNY."
Thee Great One: "Well, at least you're off World of Warcrack. I'm going now to certain victory, Cur. I'll try not to forget you when I'm made unquestionable lord and master of the world."

Thee Great One teleports away.

Five. Four. Three. Two…

Thee Great One appears.

Thee Great One: "VICTORY!"
Curly: "GOOD."
Thee Great One: "You should've seen their faces! Filled with terror!"
Curly: "I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TELEPORT IN SECRETLY."
Thee Great One: "The plan changed Cur. It was a last minute improvisation on my part to teleport directly in front of their television as they all sat down to watch Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey and have some cereal. It saved the plan and made it more effective."
Curly: "THEY JUST TOLD YOU TO STEP ASIDE, DIDN'T THEY."
Thee Great One: "What happened isn't important, Cur. What's important is that I won."
Curly: "THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL HOLDING THE NITROGEN/OXYGEN-MAKER?"
Thee Great One: "… Did you know that humans apparently breathe this stuff?"
Curly: "DUDE. ZIM'S ON."
Thee Great One: "Where did I take the wrong turn, Lord? WAITAMINUTE! That's it! THE WRONG TURN! MWAAAHAHAAHA! CUR! Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Curly: "I LIKE BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, I LIKE BOOBIES..."
Thee Great One: "Enough with the boobies, Cur. I have just come up with my most ingenous plan of ALL! It's a mighty plan of DOOM! CUR! CUR! Listen to my most DOOMED plan of all!"
Curly: "ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CALL IT THAT?"

They're Curly. They're Curly and Thee Great One, Thee Great One!




Hehehehehehehehehehehheheheh. Burn.​

Friday

Ultimate Central Mansion, Base of Operations for the Sub-nics

The Sub-nics are tooling around in the main Ultimate Central database, observing cyberspace and trying to track superpowered individuals across the globe.

Watcher: "We need to do something about Tog's transporter."
Rene: "It's an Ultimate Central one?"
Ultimate Bigby: "He got it when he was alone in the Mansion for a week."
Rene: "When was this?"
Ultimate Bigby: "When the Avatars were living it up in Hollywood? Thee Great One, calling himself Tog, claimed to be a superhero. They let him join and he looked after the place while they were getting arrested. Don't you remember?"
Rene: "I was chained to an evil wizard's vault and tortured around that time."
Ultimate Bigby: "Oh yeah. Well, you wouldn't know about it then."
Rene: "Did he take anything apart from one of the transporters?"
Watcher: "No idea. Most of E's stuff is still here and he didn't seem to think anything was missing when he showed up."
Rene: "E? Maybe being tortured wasn't so bad."
Hawkeye101: "What's the problem with Tog having a teleporter?"
Watcher: "It's a security risk. The guy can travel anywhere in the world or in here whenever he wants. He's also an undead zombie with a golden giant friend and they're trying to take over the world."
Hawkeye101: "But they're so bad at it."

CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG

Rene: "Watcher?"

Watcher sends out his ability to see. He doesn't have enhanced eyesight, but the Watcher is capable of 'placing' his eyes, hands, any sense wherever he wants and experience the sensation from there, while muting it currently. This is totally intangible. In other words, the Watcher is standing right where he is, totally blind to what's around him, but he can see what's going on in the rest of the mansion. He can do this with all his senses.

I think it's cool.

Watcher: "Nuts."
Ultimate Bigby: "It's not the government, is it?"
Rene: "It's not Ultimate E, is it?"
Hawkeye101: "It's not The Man Without Fear, is it?"
Watcher: "No. It's Tog."
Rufus: "Sounds about right."

In the living room of Ultimate Central mansion, Thee Great One and Curly, brandishing those large one-man-band drum kits with guitar, kazoo, and what not, are making all kinds of horrible noises.

Then the Sub-nics enter.

Rene: "Please stop that, it's annoying."
Ultimate Bigby: "What was your plan this time?"
Thee Great One: "By depriving you mortals of sleep, we would…"
Rufus: "It's 5.30 pm. Why did you think we'd be asleep?"
Curly: "THIS WAS YOUR DOOMED PLAN?! OH, IT WAS DOOMED ALRIGHT."
Thee Great One: "DISSENT! TRAITOR! CURSE YOU, CUR!"
Curly: "I KNEW IT WAS A MISTAKE TO FOLLOW THEE GREAT ONE."
Thee Great One: "… You're right. You Sub-nics are naturally superior."
Rene: "…"
Ultimate Bigby: "Well, it's about time you realised that."

The Ultimate Central Holding Cells

Thee Great One: "See how everything has gone according to plan, Cur?"
Curly: "YES. NOW WHAT IS PHASE TWO?"
Thee Great One: "Simple, Cur. We wait here in the safety of these holding cells until we're granted omnipotence."
Curly: "… BY WHAT?"
Thee Great One: "Oh, it'll just happen."
Curly: "… HOW IS THIS A PLAN?"
Thee Great One: "It'll happen, Cur. Math says so."
Curly: "… WHAT."
Thee Great One: "There is a statistical probability of us spontaneously developing god-like powers. Provided we sit here and no other variables occur, that particular probability will play out. It's guaranteed, Cur. By math. YOUCAN'TARGUEWITHMATH!"

Several Hours Later

Thee Great One: "What is strange feeling I have? I seem unusually aware of the passage of time, and my mind is racing. OMG! My god-powers are occurifying! CUR! I CAN SENSE THE PASSAGE OF TIME!"
Curly: "YOU'RE BORED."
Thee Great One: "… Oh yes. I though it felt familiar."

The Interweb Vikings sigh.

Thee Great One: "Y'know, Cur, I hadn't planned our deification to be so boring. And it is. So very, very boring."
Curly: "NOW CAN WE PLEASE GET OUT OF THESE CELLS?"
Thee Great One: "Of course. The Sub-nics may have taken my transporter but I still have THIS!"

Thee Great One lifts his finger defiantly into the air.

Curly: "ENTER THE CODE INTO THE KEYPAD AND LET'S BE GONE."
Thee Great One: "You have no majesty in your soul, Cur."
Curly: "MY ALT IS A LEVEL 60."

Thee Great One opens the super secret keypad and goes to enter the code. He pauses.

Curly: "SLUUUUUUUG."
Thee Great One: "Don't rush me, Cur."
Curly: "IT'S THREE DIGITS… YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THE CODE HAVEN'T YOU."
Thee Great One: "ME?! FORGET?! NEVEEEER!"
Curly: "THEN LET'S GO."
Thee Great One: "I don't like your tone, Cur. I think we should stay in here for a while to teach you some manners."
Curly: "SLUUUUUUUUUG."

Hours Later

Iceman is asleep at the holding cell monitoring station.

Watcher: "Wake up."
Iceman: "… huh…?"
Watcher: "You shouldn't be asleep."
Iceman: "I'm not. I'm jus' checkin' my eyelids for holes."
Watcher: "Nice try."
Iceman: "This stuff is beneath me. I'm a superhero. The Bolshevick Battalion. The Scourge of Sin. The Architect of the Rise of the Middle Class. The Saviour of Class Rock…"
Watcher: "Ah. So this is what you do with your spare time."
Iceman: "It's better than ribbing Houde."
Watcher: "I don't know what you're talking about."
Iceman: "You're always going on about him. Seriously, if this were kindergarten, you'd be pulling his hair and calling him 'fatty'."
Watcher: "… But I already did that."
Iceman: "Oh, that's sweet. When are you two getting married?"
Watcher: "Next week."
Iceman: "… Touche."

Watcher leans over to the intercom and turns it on.

Watcher: "Sub-nics: The Interweb Vikings have escaped."

Iceman, in shock, turns around to the monitors and sees that the Vikings have indeed, gotten out of their cell. He shakes his head and slumps onto the control panel as the Sub-nics show up in the monitoring station.

Rene: "What happened?"
Ultimate Bigby: "How did they get out? Even I can't get out of those cells."
Watcher: "Not sure. Iceman fell asleep."
Iceman: "I was bored!"
Ultimate Bigby: "How long have they been out?"
Watcher: "They were already missing when I woke Iceman up."
Iceman: "Who cares?! It's TOG. He'll probably end up locking himself in again by accident in a minute."
Thee Great One: "No I won't, Icecream!"

The Sub-nics turn and there stand the Interweb Vikings (well, actually, Curly's kinda crouched to get in the door).

Rene: "Bigby. Take a shot."
Ultimate Bigby: "No."
Thee Great One: "See? Your own teammates are too scared to fight me."
Ultimate Bigby: "No, it's not that. I create radiation. You explode. I don't particularly want everyone to die today."
Thee Great One: "COWARD!"
Rene: "Anyone else got a problem fighting?"
Watcher: "I didn't want to say anything, but now that you mention it…"
Rufus: "I'm really the 'brains' of the operation."
Hawkeye101: "My bow and arrows are in the living room."
Rene: "… Does anyone on this team fight?"
Iceman: "Oh, I'm up for it."
Rene: "Great. You freeze them, then I'll throw fireballs at them. Once our powers cancel each other out, they can hit us."
Iceman: "Your plans lack the sharpness they once had."
Thee Great One: "But our plans are still sharp enough to cut hares. Why, you couldn't even guess at our next plan, it so far beyond your comprehension in its complexity and Baywatch-like synchronicity."
Rufus: "Are you going to use waffles created from the nuclear fission of the sun to create a globalized fast food chain, and then with so many third world children under your command, you can lead a revolution against the governments of the world, ultimately replacing your own soldiers with turkey-gun hybrid warriors and then in one thousand years of glorious reign, lose it all on one game of blackjack?"

Thee Great One shakes in fury.

Thee Great One: "CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU! YOU'VE BROUGHT THIS DOOM UPON YOURSELVES! BEHOLD! MY ULTIMATE DOOMSDAY WEAPON OF DOOM!"

Shaking, he pulls out of his pocket a small box with a big red button on it, which he presses.

Nothing happens.

But Thee Great One laughs and cackles like all supervillains should.

The Sub-nics look a little confused.

Hawkeye101: "… Did something happen and I missed it?"
Thee Great One: "I HAVE SUMMONED THE DOOMWORM!"
Rene: "What the hell are you talking about?"
Thee Great One: "Oh, you'll find out soon enough."
Ultimate Bigby: "You're making all this up."
Thee Great One: "AM NOT!"
Ultimate Bigby: "ARE TOO!"
Thee Great One: "AM NOT!"
Ultimate Bigby: "ARE TOO!"
Thee Great One: "AM NOT!"
Ultimate Bigby: "ARE TOO!"
Thee Great One: "AM NOT!"
Ultimate Bigby: "ARE TOO!"
Curly: "WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST?"
Ultimate Bigby: "What?"
Curly: "YOU LIKED THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST DIDN'T YOU?"
Ultimate Bigby: "Obviously when you became a golden…"
Curly: "FOURTEEN CARAT GOLD!"
Ultimate Bigby: "… giant, your brain was the only thing that didn't increase in size… you know, that was a really good put down until you started with that fourteen carat gold nonsense. *******."
Thee Great One: "I'm afraid it's true, Bib. You see, when I had access to this site for a week, I found many secrets. One was something Ultimate E called a worm, which I have called the Doomworm. It is…"
Rufus: "… a giant cyber-virus-creature that destroys everything in its path. It is one of E's failsafe mechanisms. Oh great. NOW you tell me."
Iceman: "You should think about asking for a new superpower."
Thee Great One: "Future-Fool is correct, Sub-losers. And I will use the Doomworm to CRASH REALITY… INTO THE SUN! BWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
Ultimate Bigby: "But, if you crash reality to kill us all - you'll die too."

Thee Great One gasps in horror, and starts hammering the big red button on the box.

Thee Great One: "UNDO! UNDO! UNDO!"

The whole of cyberspace begins to shake. The Sub-nics and Vikings go out in front of the mansion, and see the huge, ten-mile long, armour-plated worm thrashing though cyberspace.

Thee Great One: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Rene: "Get rid of these two."

Watcher leans slaps a transporter on them, and they disappear.

Iceman: "Where did you send them?"
Watcher: "Some place appropriate."

Just Normal Typical Space Debris, Home of Bass Lak Tus

In his five-pointed, brightly bleached white starship, Bass Lak Tus, devourer and nexus of worlds, and his two heralds, Ultimate Galactus and the powerful penguin principal Pandrio, a trio of terror that lay waste to the galaxy - are sitting watching cable tv… that they stole from the Brotherhood.

Bass Lak Tus: "WE HAVE SUCCESSFULLY TRAVELLED ACROSS BOTH SPACE AND TIME THROUGH THE FARGATE! … TO GET FREE CABLE!"
Pandrio: "I think it's a Stargate…"
Bass Lak Tus: "IT'S THE FARGATE! 'F'! IT'S DIFFERENT FROM THAT MOVIE WHICH I HAVE NEVER SEEN, SO HOW CAN I COPY IT?"
Pandrio: "That's cool."
Bass Lak Tus: "I just want to make clear that it's the Fargate. Goes far, get it? AND THERE IS NO WAY IT CAME FROM THAT MOVIE, OR THAT SYNDICATED SERIES BASED ON THE MOVIE!"
Ultimate Galactus: "It was a good movie though."
Bass Lak Tus: "Ya, yes it was."

Suddenly, Curly and Thee Great One appear in front of Bass Lak Tus and his heralds.

Bwang, Twang, Bwang, Bwang-wa-wang.
BASSCATAZ.​

Cyberspace, Where The Fate of All Reality Hangs In The Balance

The Doomworm comes ever closer.

And it's hungry.

Rene: "Rufus…"
Rufus: "Well - there's good news and bad news."
Ultimate Bigby: "Oh goody."
Rufus: "The good news is my future self is talking to me."
Watcher: "Does he say how to beat it?"
Rufus: "Apparently, its skin is completely indestructible and impenetrable."
Hawkeye101: "And the bad news?"
Rufus: "Oh, it eats us alive."
Iceman: "There's no doubt about it. Ultimate Central gave you a bad superpower."

The big worm, lunges upward for a downward plunge onto the Sub-nics. It's maw covers their field of vision, and everything goes darkly silent as it so swiftly thunders down on top of them, thrashing like a sea serpent in a tempestuous tidal storm.

Rene: "I'm going to give you indigestion, you reality-chomping piece of ****."

And with that, the Sub-nics are gobbled up whole.

THE END​









Hey! It's not over yet!
…
It should be, but it ain't.

As the Doomworm starts breaking and eating parts of cyberspace - it tears through the Ultimate Central mansion, decimating it. The real world experiences bizarre sensations such as déjà vu, hallucinations, and nausea as the walls of reality are torn from them. Some people have bizarre dreams of histories to come, and to others, the Red Star becomes even more prominent, they see the strangest things in the sky, hear the oddest rumours, they lose things they hold in their hand, they forget where they parked, they forget which car is theirs, reality stops making the sense it once did.

But all this turmoil is short-lived, for the Doomworm splutters.

It coughs and hacks.

It spasms and seizurs.

It's eyes glow brightly, and smoke begins bellowing out from its eyes and mouth and nose… it then slumps down and dies.

In front of it, the remaining two-third of the Ultimate Central mansion, the Sub-nics teleport. They stand triumphant.

Rufus: "I love it when a plan comes together."
Rene: "Are you saying you knew that the only way to beat the Doomworm was to get inside it and burn its brain from the inside?"
Ultimate Bigby: "Bull did you see that coming. Why didn't you tell us?"
Rufus: "Because knowing the path is different to…"
Iceman: "Don't give me that Matrix crap. Admit it. You didn't know."
Rufus: "Didn't I?"
Iceman: "You never do. And besides, if you know so much, why let Tog call the Doomworm in the first place?"
Rufus: "Er…"
Iceman: "What am I having for breakfast tomorrow?"
Rufus: "It doesn't work that way."
Iceman: "Douche."
Rufus: "You die on October 3rd, 2011."
Iceman: "… I'll be good."
Rene: "I'm having a shower and then going to bed."
Ultimate Bigby: "What about the Doomworm? If we could find a way to cut its skin, there's all kind of uses for it."
Watcher: "Perhaps we could use it to rebuild the mansion."

The Avatars teleport into the mansion.

Icemastertron: "… What. The. Hell?"
Ultimate Gambit: "Oh no. Oh dear god, no! THE TEE-VEE!"
DIrishB: "MY STASH!"
Nurhachi: "MY KONO-PIZZA!"
Rene: "Don't worry guys, everything will be fixed."
ProjectX2: "By next issue?"
Rene: "Sure."
ProjectX2: "You sure?"
Watcher: "Guys. It's Bass. The next issue isn't out for another seven months."

The Avatars and Sub-nics all put their hands on their hips and laugh as the credits roll.

The bastards.

THE END


NEXT ISSUE - WHAT'S A SMILE WORTH?​
 
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