Finally saw BORINGS, the amazing show of spectacular people thrust into a mundane world where there isn't a big enough budget for them to be awesome, so they whine a lot. My nails are gone from all the biting.
Let's go through my 'live' video commentary:
I'd've loved it if Peter's punch didn't knock Nathan out and they got into a sibling brawl. It would've been hysterical and honest. Peter doesn't know how to punch. He smacks Nathan in the face. Nathan looks back in shock and anger. Peter's surprised it didn't work. They tussle. Anyone who has a brother and 'fought' (i.e. just wrestled with each other pretending you want to hurt each other but not having the balls to actually hurt each other) knows this would've been funny.
Claire is explaining how she can die with something in the back of her head.
They all know this. Angela JUST TOLD PETER about it. Noah must know about it. Maybe it's news for Meredith. I assume this was said for the benefit of the audience. I am confused, however, since this is the VOLUME FINALE and the previous episode MENTIONED this. Obviously, the deluge of viewers who wanted to watch only this episode and none of the preceding need to be taken care of. Or maybe we regular viewers can't possibly keep up because it is so action-packed and so terribly complex.
And it kinda is. The Petrelli family is an out-of-control weed. Keeping track of who's related to whom HURTS.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyhow... Sylar is roaming around the Company, gleefully doing his best SAW impression as he walks over dozens of dead bodies... and then complaining he's a killer. Apparently, it's a BAD thing, even though he ****ing loves it.
But I have a question... where did all the dead people come from? The Company building has been VERY vacant all the time. I made a point about how Arthur Petrelli has no staff except a single scientist. There was NO ONE looking after Mama Petrelli in the coma. There has been **** all in the way of extras. And now, there's enough of them to be atmospheric.
I can only assume that Sylar hired them the day before, so he could kill them. THE FIEND!!!!
Also: Hayden Patisserie... she's not a very good actress. She can't do 'angry badass'. She doesn't know how. She was terrific fun in Malcolm in the Middle. But this part is not a good one for her. At least, this is what I feel from her performance.
Mohinder is rubbish.
So is Peter.
COOL BONUS - Flint's scar is the 'helix sign' thing. I thought that was an awesome little touch.
COOL BONUS - Ando; "Do I have powers?" "So far, we know you can pass out really well."
In fact the whole "I don't know but that sure wasn't time travel" was a pretty good scene - a smart scene too. The ol' "what are my powers" scene but with drama and a new twist. I liked it.
I feel that HEROES has finally had enough Sylar. I said when season 1 ended, they needed to put him on the shelf for at least a season and then bring him back as a great dramatic, big bad return. Instead, he was back immediately in season 2, and it was revealed he didn't escape but was saved by someone else. He had Hero-AIDS. Spent a lot of time doing nothing with Maya. Then, he became a good guy. Walked around thinking he was emo. Then he lost his powers, dated Kristen Bell, died, came back to life, killed Kristen Bell, threw a temper tantrum, and killed off any other potential villains that could replace him. He's a terribly selfish man. We've had enough Sylar. There's a threshold, and there comes a point where him killing someone isn't scary or anything. And it happened precisely when he 'killed' Claire. 1) He knows how her powers work, and thus, would know the brain-trick to kill her and could've done so (but he wouldn't do that because he just wants the power, he's a rapist really). 2) When Sylar got regeneration in the future, he felt he no longer needed any more powers and just wanted to go around killing things. This is because he's immortal. When Sylar got Claire's power, subsequent powers were just dull and insignificant. 3) He's killing everyone and no one else can kill anyone but him. Peter can't even kill his dad, something that would've been dramatic. Sylar had to kill-steal. He's like that ******* on Co-op games who ninjas the loot.
But you know what?
**** YOU, HEROES.
I said, in SEASON 1, "Put Sylar on the shelf. Wait. Give him an AWESOME return."
Volume 3 "Villains" ends. Nathan says to President Worf, we need to round 'em up. Worf says, "we have just the man". And they bring in SYLAR. BECAUSE HE CAN FIND THESE PEOPLE.
That would've been the best ****ing return ever.
Heroes has no plan at all. They're making this **** up. And if they're not, then they're changing things on the fly and have no balls. And if they're not, then they didn't plan it out well in the first place.
Seriously, it's like nega-Heroes is on. Sylar died at the end of volume 3 instead of returning like I, Bass, Writer of Nothing, has decreed.
Oh, and speaking of people who died... I liked Puppet Man. But Sylar had to kill him in a ridiculous scene. At one point, Puppet Man has Sylar doing the Karate Kid pose. **** it.
And the black dude didn't even get to show off his powers! He's just dead.
Don't worry... there's PLENTY of black people in this multi-cultural show.
There's... Maya? Gone. New Orleans girl too. Um... The African... dead too. Oo! Knox! And... ah... Mohinder.
...
Huh.
Well. At least Knox is cool because of THE WIRE.
BOO.
Now he's dead.
New rule of HEROES!
"No Blacks."
And since when is Tracy a KILLER? Her character is really very contrived isn't it? REALLY ****ING CONTRIVED.
Think about it... she shows up at the beginning of the season in a WTF scene where we go, "OMG! Jessiniki isn't dead! OMG!" Then it turns out she's a SUPERPOWERED TRIPLET CLONE. And then... does nothing. Seriously. All she does is tell people they might be awesome. And that 'she's really good at what she does'. SHE DOES NOTHING. This character... if it wasn't played by Ali Larter, would be DEAD.
Especially if they were not a blonde.
Or black.
Or appeared in season 2.
*sigh*
And Nathan... Nathan's okay with her killing people. She's just being fired. She's not going to jail or anything. In fifteen minutes he'll go to President Mutha****ing WORF to 'round these people up' and he didn't think to start with the ICE QUEEN WHO KILLS PEOPLE. Hell, he's okay to let her go. Someone else can catch her. She's just... there. In front of him. *sigh*
HRG is also rubbish. He could've got out of the room if he'd thought about the fire trick earlier. There's a table in there. He could pistol whip the glass. At the very least, when Claire shows up, he should've put the bullet into the glass and then told her to find something to smash the glass with.
Ando... when he discovers he's a supercharger... he should've pouted. "My one power is to make other powers work better?! Ugh."
But then, "I HAVE SUPERPOWERS! YA TAI!" was funny. (COOL BONUS)
But why didn't Ando immediately try to charge Hiro? First thing I would've tried.
Oh... and we still don't know Kaito's power.
COOL BONUS - "Pikachu?! Excuse me." SMACK!
I howled with laughter.
UNCOOL BONUS - Peter and Flint knock over a HUGE vat.
DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY'RE KNOCKING OVER?!
SERIOUSLY. Who... WHO would go around knocking over HUGE VATS OF CHEMICALS WITHOUT ANY PROTECTION when the KEY scientist HAS SCALEY-REPTILE-MONKEY-UGLY-DISEASE?!?!?!?!
DOUBLE UNCOOLOSITY - Peter injects himself with powers to save Nathan. How? By flying. How can he fly? By copying his brother's powers...
NATHAN CAN FLY.
He doesn't need Peter to save him. NATHAN SHOULD'VE SAVED PETER... AGAIN.
And after he saves him, Nathan and he look at each other and realise that even though they're brothers they REALLY DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER. Nathan tells Peter to just keep out of the whole 'powers' thing (since Peter still has no powers) and leaves him.
Oh - and how did Mohinder survive the explosion? I'll tell you how... because as he began losing his powers he got into that cocoon thing and it protected him. Apparently, the chemical thing works instaneously, but the BULL**** ECLIPSE required a cocoon. Whatever.
And Sylar is dead only as long as Hollywood keeps him in movies. Remember when he died in season 1? His eyes did a flash of all the people he killed and it was cool. *sigh*
Slo-mo run from flames = rubbish.
And I assume Meredith isn't dead. She's immune to fire. They pointed this out. Yet, supposedly we're supposed to think she died.
This show is so muddled. The emotional intent of a scene doesn't make sense if you pay attention.
This finale was rubbish. This entire volume was "create new villains; then kill ALL OF THEM OFF unless they turn good."
"Or are Ali Larter."
WTF? They are ALL dead. And they were ALL rubbish. Except the ones who weren't but it doesn't matter because they are dead.
What a ****ty, ****ty piece of ****. Where was the big fight? Where was the change? Where was the POINT? There was none. Totally ****ing wasteful.
And season 4 has little promise.
Nathan's plan is to round up everyone with powers so that they're no longer a problem to everyone.
So... his plan is to REBUILD THE COMPANY.
Any time you want to do something NEW, guys. *sigh*
He HATES the Company. He wanted to reveal himself to the world, then wanted to give the world powers, now he wants to rebuild the Company.
No. YOU KNOW WHAT HE DOES?
He goes to President Worf and demonstrates he can fly and says, 'here's loads of people who can do crazy ****'. And President Worf says, "I'm Worf." And Nathan goes, "How about you HIRE us as a CRACK TEAM OF AWESOME SUPER-POWERED PEOPLE AND WE'LL GO AROUND SAVING THE WORLD. All you have to do is convince the UN to legitimise us as a top secret unit and make sure we're paid."
VOLUME 4: "HEROES"
And Volume 4 details Nathan rounding up a group of Heroes he trusts and them doing AWESOME MISSIONS against extremely powerful people and against crazy super villains.
IT WOULD BE ****ING AMAZING.
It pisses me off because Peter's ENTIRE reason for wanting to stop the formula this season was because he SAW the future in which HE was being hunted down and killed and everyone said he was bad and yet the WORLD seemed fine. Remember... only HIRO saw the bad future. Peter was TOLD it was a bad future by a future version of himself whose first act was to KILL HIS BROTHER. This is stupid. THERE IS NO REASON for Peter to act so bizarrely fanatical about opposing the formula when there are plenty of moderate solutions to the situation. Peter is a dick.
Three things:
How did Nathan survive the shots? We STILL don't know.
Hiro saw a future in which he is badass with a sword and Ando is fighting him over an exploding Tokyo and Ando kills him with an energy blast. Ando doesn't have zap powers, he has enhancement powers. If he zapped Hiro and Hiro suddenly disappeared this would NOW MAKE SENSE (he teleported super far away) but it DOESN'T NOW. His power wouldn't change due to the future being changed. But here's the thing; the WHOLE POINT of the glimpse of the doomsday future is to have that scene play out in all its terrifying excitement and at the last moment, the good guys have one last chance to stop it. Season 1 - the bomb actually happens. 2 - the virus was supposed to go off (curse you WGA!). 3 - Hiro sees a future in which he and Ando are fighting on top of a neon bridge over the formula. This doesn't even COME CLOSE to happening. Ando and Hiro barely have a CROSS WORD in the entire ****ing season. Instead of Hiro and Ando, it should've been Peter and Nathan. That schism got touched on, at least. But this... ugh. What an anti-climactic waste of time.
And thirdly - Arthur Petrelli stole Peter's powers. He had the perfect opportunity to get the scar. HE DIDN'T.
Instead, Peter has his powers back. And Hiro will too, thanks to Ando.
I swear, this show isn't planned out at all. They're ****ing hacks.
Hacks who wrote the President in as a black man because Obama won and it's trendy and 'politically aware' even though THERE IS NOT ANOTHER SINGLE BLACK FACE IN THE SHOW, except Mohinder "It's more coffee-coloured, my face" Suresh.
AND!!! It's even more annoying when you consider they ALREADY HAD THE COOL SCI-FI ACTOR PLAYING A GOVERNMENT CONNECTION... Bruce "John Sheridan" Boxlietner. He could've returned. But... meh. I like Worf. He's cool too. I'm happy either way...
BUT THE BIGGEST THING OF ALL...
President Worf and Governor Sheridan.
Awesome but wrong way round.
As we all know, it's President Sheridan and Governor Worf.
DUH.
GEEZ. DO YOUR RESEARCH!!!!!!1111!11!!!!!11!
Right. I'm off to watch Transformers Animated. It has better continuity.