Ultimate Central: The Fanfic - volume 6

When Bass said he'd no longer do solicits and then some 12 minutes later he's like "So here's a solicit because the editor demanded it!", I cracked up.
 
This is suppose to come out today?

I wonder how E, Doc strange and Bass are going to look on the cover?
 
Lets ask an important question: When will I appear? Specifically, when will I appear on a cover? Bass needs to answer these pressing questions.

THE ENTIRE WORLD DEPENDS ON IT!

































Well, not really.
 
moonmaster said:
Lets ask an important question: When will I appear? Specifically, when will I appear on a cover? Bass needs to answer these pressing questions.
Click to expand...

Well, I'm not sure you'll appear before #50. #44 was to have you in it, originally it was called "Mooney's Choice" but that plotline will most likely have to be abandoned. So, sorry about that. I have a bunch of ideas for you but I'm not sure if I can fit them in anymore. You will most likely have a cameo in #46 though. We'll have to see.

As for when #44 is out - it will be out tomorrow, or at the latest Monday (I have to wait for Nur's approval and it's possible due to time differences to take some time). I'm trying to get it so I upload a new story on the weekends from now on, but my life is all in a big hectic tizz and I'm rescheduling everything so I can still make time for this run. It's just as well I did the Houde issue in advance. I have had no time at all.

But bear with me, I may be haphazard, but you'll get yer fixes once a week.
 
I helped him plot out #44. I demand partial credit. PARTIAL CREDIT, I SAY!
 
I put "Mooney's Choice" back into the issue. So you get your own little story in the issue that's very stupid and pointless. How does that sound? :)

Also, the issue is with Nurhachi, so I'm just waiting on approval.
 
Dr.Strangefate said:
You follow that rule a lot more strictly than I did...
Click to expand...
I sent my annual in for approval. Not that I planned to change anything if he disagred. You don't screw with genius. :sure: :shifty: :scared: :panic:
 
ucff44cover0ad.jpg

The Stronghold of Seclusion

Deep in the desert of Arizona, is Ultimate E's hidden base of operations. A bunker-castle buried deep under the dunes. Inside are buzzing electrics, cables creeping along computers as big as buildings.

It was here that Ultimate E resides, and he has sent invitations to two others. One of those, Doctor Strangefate, is here; and the two await the third.

The ground trembles. He had arrived. The door flew open, in he burst, tangy cheese resonated across the walls.

Bass Lak Tus: "E! I have found you once again! It is lucky for you that you crash landed on this deserted planet which I have never been to before!"
Ultimate E: "I escaped, ingeniously I might add. And I told you to come here."
Bass Lak Tus: "Impossible! None can find Bass Lak Tus!"
Ultimate E: "Your thank you card had a sender's address. And I lived with you for over a month."
Bass Lak Tus: "Coincidences all! And where is the rest of Dark Images! You are so careless to let him fall onto a guillotine and cut his head off by accident!"
Ultimate E: "No, I cut his head off."
Bass Lak Tus: "It was an accident! You are always playing the martyr, 'Poor me! Poor me!' You make me so sick with… ALIEN!"

Bass Lak Tus points at Doctor Strangefate.

Bass Lak Tus: "E! We have been discovered by the natives of this primitive world!"
Doctor Strangefate: "I am Doctor Strangefate, the most powerful human who ever lived."
Bass Lak Tus: "So? That's like winning the special Olympics. You're still retarded."

All the sound in the room stops. Bass Lak Tus and Doctor Strangefate end their arguing, which was now moot, and looked to Ultimate E who holds a small horn-like gadget above his head. He presses a button and sound returns.

Ultimate E: "I've summoned us here, because the three of us comprise the most powerful beings in the entire universe. Together, we can change the world."
Bass Lak Tus: "This planet is an insignificant ball of mud!"
Doctor Strangefate: "And I have greater goals than just one planet. Goals that would dwarf the greatest thought your feeble mind could ever conjure."
Ultimate E: "Well, fine. If you two want to pass up total omnipotence and stick with regular old nigh-omnipotence, then please; go."
Bass Lak Tus: "Well, no. It would be rude without hearing you out at least."
Doctor Strangefate: "And we should at least listen to his plan before pointing out how flawed it will inevitably, turn out to be."
Ultimate E: "My plans are perfect!"
Bass Lak Tus: "You don't even have your own team!"
Ultimate E: "I don't need one!"
Doctor Strangefate: "Tell that to Baxter. 'Oh, please be on my team. I'm so lonely.'"
Ultimate E: "I'm the one who gave you your damn powers."
Doctor Strangefate: "I would've gotten them without you."
Ultimate E: "How? By listening to Boy George backwards?"
Bass Lak Tus: "Why are you arguing like a couple of teenagers going through puberty? Is one of you trying to be homecoming queen? Perhaps you want to go into the bedroom and brush each other's hair and tell yourselves how pretty you are."
Ultimate E: "You made me do that to you enough times."
Bass Lak Tus: "! It stays on the ship!"
Ultimate E: "Okay. Enough. The plan. My god, it's amazing. Recently, I came into possession of a device called the Kirby-Gadgetron that granted the bearer omnipotence, so I thought, why not build my own one?"
Doctor Strangefate: "Wait. This Gadgetron grants omnipotence, and you had it? Why aren't you omnipotent?"
Ultimate E: "It was faulty. But, I have remedied it - behold! The Kirby-Gadgetron Mark II!"

There is no response.

Ultimate E: "Thousand!"
Bass Lak Tus: "Pfah! It is already six years out of date! It is old and useless, like your own pathetic existence!"
Doctor Strangefate: "Yeah, you should have called it the 'Kirby-Gadgetron 360'. And that's like, off the top of my head. You know what I'm saying?"
Ultimate E: "Does it's name matter?"
Bass Lak Tus: "Well if the name doesn't matter, why don't we just call it 'Big Pile Of Useless Crap'… 'Mark I'… '.34'… 'Recurring'… 'The Revenge'.
Doctor Strangefate: "'The Happy Maker'."
Ultimate E: "Okay. The Happy Maker. Whatever. Shall we do it?"
Doctor Strangefate: "Do what?"
Ultimate E: "The way it works is really quite simple. All you do is simply wish for someone, such as yourselves, to become omnipotent. Simple as that. I'll demonstrate."

Bass Lak Tus and Doctor Strangefate lunge at… The Happy Maker… and start wrestling over it. Ultimate E steps back and smiles.

Doctor Strangefate: "You're getting cheese all over it!"
Bass Lak Tus: "You're getting homosexuality all over it!"
Doctor Strangefate: "Have I EVER made a crack about your race? No. Because I am beyond such petty name calling."
Bass Lak Tus: "Bet you wish you had now."
Doctor Strangefate: "I'm pretty sure I know what I wish for!"

The Happy Maker flashes and Bass Lak Tus and Doctor Strangefate shake their heads from the flash.

Ultimate E runs up to them, pointing and laughing at them.

Ultimate E: "AAHAHAAH! FOOLS! The Kirby-Gadgetron Mark II - that's it's name! - is designed to strip the powers of anyone who wishes for power turning them into a normal human! Now, with both your powers stored within the Kirby-Gadgetron Mark II I can dispose of you, and add your powers to my own!"

Ultimate E glares at the duo, but no energy beams come from his eyes.

Doctor Strangefate: "I wished for you to get powers too."
Bass Lak Tus: "And me."
Ultimate E: "Why?! Why didn't you try to betray me?!"
Doctor Strangefate: "You gave me my powers."
Bass Lak Tus: "You were my herald."
Ultimate E: "But… give me that thing."

Ultimate E wrestles with the Kirby-Gadgetron Mark II in an attempt to unleash the powers contained within, but to no avail.

Bass Lak Tus: "It looks broken."
Doctor Strangefate: "I'm surprised it worked at all."

Ultimate E, shaking with rage, glares at the two who have cost him everything…

Ultimate E: "INCOMPETENT, IDIOTIC, FAT-HEADED NINCOMPOOPS!"

When the site Ultimate Central began giving people incredible abilities, its creator, Ultimate E created a team of heroes to bring justice to the world and deal with the astounding effects of the site. Revealed as a villain bent on world domination, Ultimate E was overthrown. A member of one team, the Cabinet, rose in power after consuming the blood of an angel, and now leads the Brotherhood - he is Doctor Strangefate. A nigh-omnipotent devourer of worlds, Bass Lak Tus roams the universe in his world ship looking to cure his insatiable hunger. They are the three most powerful villains of Ultimate Central. And now they are human. BOO-YAH!
Among those given powers, Moonmaster desired to be a hero, but he was instead turned into a monster. Eventually gaining control over his monstrous half, he is a member of the Outcasts, wandering the globe with no home to call his own.​


~ NURHACHI PRESENTS ~
ULTIMATE CENTRAL
THE FANFIC
"WHO CAN CHANGE
THE WORLD?"
Volume 6, Issue 44, By Bass with a little bit of Moonmaster​


Bass Lak Tus - world-devourer and nexus of the world
Doctor Strangefate - sorcerer supreme and steel colossus
Ultimate E - diabolical gadgeteer and Ultimate Central founder
Moonmaster - All he ever wanted to be was a hero, but he became a monster

The Stronghold of Seclusion

The Stronghold's computers, tools, and all manner of tools are in states of disarray, strewn in a haphazard rummage.
Ultimate E, with various tools of various means, intents, and devices of bizarre wonder, worked hard on his Kirby-Gadgetron Mark II in a pitiful attempt to release the powers contained within. Bass Lak Tus, out of Doritos, sits there smelling the packet.
However, Doctor Strangefate sings to himself Oscar Wilde: The Musical. Loudly. And out of key. Not that he realizes that. He starts off calmly, slowly, but ennui sets in, and before you know it, the man is jumping, prancing, dancing, flailing his arms about, and singing directly into the ears of the others.

Doctor Strangefate: "IF I WERE A STRAIGHT MAN! Yadda dada yadda dada dadadada! If I were an itty-bitty BOOM…"

Saying the "Boom" part loudly, and out of key, it jogs Ultimate E working on some horrifically fine and intricate piece of uber-technology from beyond time and space - and it just snaps.
And so does Ultimate E.
He screams in despair, Bass Lak Tus sobs because he's hungry, and Doctor Strangefate keeps singing.

Some Time Later

Ultimate E screams in despair, Bass Lak Tus sobs because he's hungry, and Doctor Strangefate keeps singing.

…

Err… Some More Time Later

Ultimate E screams in despair, Bass Lak Tus sobs because he's hungry, and Doctor Strangefate keeps singing.

…

Hold on.

Still More Time Later

Ultimate E screams in despair, Bass Lak Tus sobs because he's hungry, and Doctor Strangefate keeps singing.

…

Okay, they're gonna be like this for a while.

Um… I know!

Somewhere Else

The Moonmaster is bored out of his mind. He can no longer log onto what was his favourite site, Ultimate Central. For the last month, Moonmaster, along with Nigma and UltimateDJF have been wandering aimlessly, with nothing to do. Baxter had recently spent Christmas with them, but he soon left. Moonmaster sighs as he looks into the starry night sky. His mind wonders what he's experienced lately. A real life team of superheroes appear and fight real life supervillains, they fight dragons, giants, robots, gods, even squirrels. Once, Moonmaster was their biggest fan. But they've fought him too. They've fought world-devourers, and even had Hollywood chomping at their heels. He looks at the moon as it shone bright. Once he would be a mindless werewolf creature, but alien nexus' have given him control over his condition in exchange for dark deeds. His life was a wondrous tale indeed. He wishes he could do something worthwhile. He wishes he could make up for all his mistakes.
So he does. He packs what little things he has, and donning his human disguise, he says goodbye to his friends and goes down into the world of men.

I think we can go back to the trio of terror, now.

The Stronghold of Seclusion

Ultimate E screams in despair, Bass Lak Tus sobs because he's hungry, and Doctor Strangefate keeps singing.

Goddammit

Bass Lak Tus: "I'm hungry."
Ultimate E: "Well there's no food!"
Doctor Strangefate: "Not even a cheeseburger?"
Ultimate E: "No."
Bass Lak Tus: "Freshly cooked pasta shells, served in marsala sauce?"
Ultimate E: "No."
Bass Lak Tus: "But, but there's a fresh dodo platter appetizer, right?"
Ultimate E: "There's no dodo, no bread, no water, no cereal, pheasant, duck, poultry of any kind, no beef, no pork, no ham, no bacon, no meat, no houmous, no salsa, no tacos, pizza, pepperoni, cheese, no tuna, no butter, grain, rice, and definitely, no ****ing Doritos."
Bass Lak Tus: "Oh, so at least we've got waffles."
Ultimate E: "No."
Bass Lak Tus: "Is this a prison?!"
Ultimate E: "I only just built this place a couple of days ago. Look! I didn't even have time to put up my Christmas decorations!"
Doctor Strangefate: "This could go on for eternity. Which is a shame because I won't LIVE THAT LONG ANYMORE! I can't take this. I don't want to die with you *******s. You guys suck! Being human sucks! You invented that damn machine you stupid, gadgeteering tinkerer of falsehoods! Fix it!"
Ultimate E: "It's not so easy."
Bass Lak Tus: "Oh, please, you say that about evolution."
Ultimate E: "Look, we're missing a vital part. It should help alleviate the pressure so we can use the Kirby-Gadgetron Mark II to give us our powers back. It's called a Transmogrification Discombobulator."
Bass Lak Tus: "So why don't you use the part, stupid!"
Ultimate E: "Because I DON'T HAVE IT!"
Doctor Strangefate: "SO WHERE IS IT."

Ultimate E takes in a deep breath.

Bass Lak Tus: "Happy World Land?"
Ultimate E: "Ultimate Central."
Bass Lak Tus: "… What's that, a train station?"
Doctor Strangefate: "How are we going to get there? I can't teleport, I can't even fly."
Ultimate E: "I need to make a transporter. I can do it, but we'll need some household appliances. Which means we have to get into Cosmopolis. By foot."
Doctor Strangefate: "What possessed you to build a castle in the middle of the desert? It certainly wasn't me."
Ultimate E: "This from the man who lives in 'THE IMPENTRABLE TOWER OF LIMBO'. You should call yourself Melodrama-Man."
Bass Lak Tus: "Who cares?! You're boring! I have a new plan! Let's go to Happy World Land! And burn it down. And laugh. On into the night. Bwaahahahahahahahahahah."

The Desert

Panting, sweating in their costumes but refusing to remove them, dehydrating, crawling, pulling themselves across dunes in the blistering heat, with no landmarks except skulls and cacti, an endless horizon before them.
Bass Lak Tus, who stopped moving some time ago, lies on the burning sand. Ultimate E keeps moving, but eventually his arms give up and he drops to the floor. Doctor Strangefate flails his arms as he lies face down in the sand, trying to claw his way forward but really just making a sand angel. He turns to E.

Doctor Strangefate: "You suck balls."
Ultimate E: "I KNEW it was you!"*

(* See Ultimate Central Volume 4 #32 by Moonmaster - Trivia-Man)

Somewhere Else In The Desert

Broken free and accidentally activated from deep within Ultimate E's Stronghold of Seclusion, the 60 foot robotic monster, the Sirius Titan (portable edition), strides its way to the fair city of Cosmopolis with one thing on it's mind - DESTRUCTION!

The Daily Celestial Sphere

Pasty White: "Tasty Q. Rock-A-Fella."
Moonmaster: "I swear, that's like totally my real name, Mr White."
Pasty White: "Do you have what it takes to be a top investigative journalist for a newspaper?"
Moonmaster: "Well as you can see from my resume…"
Pasty White: "You are aware this isn't a resume. This is just a series of racist facts. 'White people give poor people cancer. FACT. White people created crack to put the black man in prison. FACT.' It goes on like this. For 50 pages."
Moonmaster: "But if you flip it, you see me doing a electric guitar solo on the corner."

Pasty White flips the resume.

Pasty White: "Maybe it's the lobotomy I had yesterday, but I like the cut of your jib, son. Bear in mind, the Daily Celestial Sphere isn't any old newspaper. This is the premier newspaper of the fair city of Cosmopolis. Your backwater Boringville ways won't cut it here."
Moonmaster: "So I've got the job?"
Pasty White: "You sure have."

Pasty White shakes Moonmaster's hand. Moonmaster is dressed in a suit, with his hair in a side parting, wearing Groucho Marx glasses and a moustache. Moonmaster intends to live a double life. Both as a superhero and as a civilian.
This was Moonmaster's third attempt at getting a job. First, he tried to be a surgeon, calling himself Doctor Moonenstein, but that failed when, after leaving some internal organs out of his first patient, he remarked, "There's always a bit left over with 'Do It Yourself'." He then tried to be Gary Coleman, but was shocked to discover he already existed. Thankfully, Moonmaster had a job now, and he could do the good deed for all of Cosmopolis, and perhaps the world.

The Desert

The trio of villains continue dragging themselves across the desert. Bass Lak Tus is a little delirious.

Bass Lak Tus: "… and that is why music is a fad. It's scientific fact. There's no real 'evidence' for it, but it is a scientific fact."

Doctor Strangefate: "I don't know how you spent three months with this guy."
Ultimate E: "Well, maybe you should've thought of that before you stuck me with him."
Doctor Strangefate: "Hey, what did you expect? You were standing in my way."
Ultimate E: "Oh, was I now? What were your plans? To become the next Boy George?"
DSF: "I'll have you know, that one day, I'll will become -the- God."

Ultimate E and Bass Lak Tus stare at Doctor Strangefate.
Then burst out laughing.

Ultimate E: "You are SUCH A N00B!"
Bass Lak Tus: "What a maroon. 'I'm gonna be -the- God.'"

They continue to laugh.

Doctor Strangefate: "You guys won't laugh when I fight Heaven."

The two stop laughing.
But they can't contain it for long.

Bass Lak Tus: "BWAAAAAHAHAHAHA! He's serious! He's serious!"
Doctor Strangefate: "It's not funny! I'll do it! I'll do it twice!"
Ultimate E: "Oh mercy."

Ultimate E wipes away a tear.

Ultimate E: "You are such a n00b. Bass Lak Tus is a celestial constant of the universe. I'm from another world where I was a king. You… you're just a human who got lucky… *snigger*… I mean, what will you do with your 'God' powers? Have Boy George make another album? AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Doctor Strangefate: "AAAAAAAAARGH!"

Doctor Strangefate lunges at Ulitmate E and the two fight as gods do.
Well, not gods.
They slap each other with limp wrists, and pull on each other's hair. It is the most pathetic ***** fight in the history of the universe. Seriously - Girl Scouts would survive in a prison longer than these guys. And that has nothing to do with cookies.
After watching them fight for a disgusting minute or two, Bass Lak Tus breaks them up.

Bass Lak Tus: "Guys, can't you see that you pathetic inferior human genes are tearing us apart? The only way we're gonna get through this is if we put our differences aside, work as a team - and carry me across this desert because I'm a little tired."

More *****-fighting ensues. Doctor Strangefate roll down a dune - and into a car parking lot for a J-Mart, right in Cosmopolis. They look up, get up, dust them selves off and give each other a look that says, 'It stays in the desert.'

The Daily Celestial Sphere

Pasty White: "ROCK-A-FELLA!"

The scream from the editor-in-chief's office made the whole building shake. Moonmaster sheepishly got up from his deck and went into his office.

Moonmaster: "Yes, sir?"
Pasty White: "Tasty, just what the hell is this article on the cattle rustlers?"
Moonmaster: "Is there something wrong with it?"

Pasty White reads from Moonmaster's copy.

Pasty White: "Oh my, How the days have gone by, Since the day that we finally wed. But before this show, You should really know, That you're awfully terrible in bed. Now, you know how much I love you, From the way I kiss and hug you, But *****, you gotsta go. Once I dump your ***, I'm gonna find a slut with class, And make her my personal ho. Happy Anniversary!"

Pasty White glares at Moonmaster.

Moonmaster: "It's cryptic. Like a crossword."

Pasty White looks at the copy. Looks at Moonmaster (who's wiggling his moustache at White in hypnotic gestures).

Pasty White: "Pulitzer material! You're gonna go far, Tasty Q!"

The building shakes once again. But this time, from the huge stomping of the SIRIUS TITAN! Pasty White and Moonmaster rush to the window and see the swath of destruction.
Moonmaster, sensing that he is needed, turns on his werewolf powers.

Moonmaster: "Gee Mr White, it looks like I really need a shave. I'd best go."

Moonmaster leapt out the window, in full werewolf guise, and turned on his super sweet lightsaber.

Pasty White: "Who is that new superhero! Rock-A-Fella, get in here! … Where could he be?"

J-Mart, Just A Few Moments Earlier

Inside the enormous monstrosity that is J-Mart, Ultimate E, Doctor Strangefate, and Bass Lak Tus try to look inconspicuous as they wander round the shop. Bass Lak Tus is particularly puzzled by all the pre-packaged things.

Ultimate E: "Okay, it's simple. We find the objects we need. I make a transporter. We go to Central. I get the Transmogrification Discombobulator. We fix the Kirby-Gadgetron Mark II. We get our powers. We go home. We eat. Now, I've got my portable sonic obliterator, so we just get the objects, and walk out. I'll use the obliterator so the alarm doesn't make any sound."

They wander through a few isles.

Bass Lak Tus: "This is like the Bone Labyrinth of Zumakalis! There is no way out!"
Doctor Strangefate: "E - I don't even think we're in the household appliances section."
Bass Lak Tus: "We're LOST! It is hopeless! We are surrounded by pre-packaged mass produced goods!"

An aisle clerk heads towards the trio. She smiles pleasantly.

Ultimate E: "Oh great. Now you've drawn attention to use, you outrageous caricature."
Aisle Clerk: "Can I help you, 'gentleman'?"
Bass Lak Tus: "Go to McPlanet King and get me a planet with satellites. And no sea. Too salty. I like those barren desert worlds with the molten core. You know the ones I like."
Aisle Clerk: "Excuse me?"
Bass Lak Tus: "This human native appears to be malfunctioning."

The aisle clerk continues to smile, but her patience is tried.

Doctor Strangefate: "Hi. We're fine thanks, we don't need any help, though if you could point us in the direction of household appliances, that would be super, thanks."
Aisle Clerk: "Household appliances? Right here."

The aisle clerk leads the trio to the household appliances. Ultimate E starts taking the things he needs off the racks.

Aisle Clerk: "Is there anything else?"
Doctor Strangefate: "SHE'S ASKING TOO MANY QUESTIONS!"

Doctor Strangefate throws a punch at the clerk - and misses. The clerk kicks him in the shins, and he drops to the floor, she then puts his arm into a hold.

Bass Lak Tus: "Oh. My. God."

Bass Lak Tus runs to the food court and begins tearing open packets of tangy cheese Doritos and devouring them.
Ultimate E pegs it as fast as he can out of the J-Mart.
Her attention divided three ways, Doctor Strangefate manages to break free of her hold and runs after E.
Security guards begin to move in on Bass Lak Tus, who grabs as many packs of Doritos that he can carry, and runs while eating them.
As he runs, Ultimate E tries to make the transporter right in front of him. He looks up and sees the security guards trying to block him off the exit.
Ultimate E yawps and slips and slides his way out.
Doctor Strangefate shrieks and flails his arms like a mad windmill - as if he would batter anyone near him.
Bass Lak Tus throws the empty bags of Doritos into the guards faces, opens a new one and continues to run.
The trio make it into the car parking lot, but the security guards give chase… then stop.
The ground shakes. A few blocks away is the Sirius Titan laying waste to Cosmopolis. The people stand in terror and stare at the destruction.

Ultimate E: "My Sirius Titan! AAAAAAAHAHAAHHAHAAH! DESTROY! DESTROY!"
Doctor Strangefate: "THE TRANSPORTER MAKE THE TRANSPORTER!"
Ultimate E: "But… my Titan! Lookit him!"
Doctor Strangefate: "THE TRANSPORTER!"
Ultimate E: "Okay, but tell me how it's doing."
Doctor Strangefate: "Fine. It's smashing up the city."

Suddenly, a werewolf with a lightsaber starts hacking it to pieces. It's Moonmaster.

Doctor Strangefate: "Er… it's still fine. A superhero showed up…"
Ultimate E: "What?!"
Doctor Strangefate: "But the Titan totally obliterated him."
Bass Lak Tus: "What are you talking about?!"
Doctor Strangefate: "The Titan is fine!"
Bass Lak Tus: "The werewolf is cutting him up with his lightsword! The crowd is cheering!"
Ultimate E: "WHAT?!"
Bass Lak Tus: "See?"

Ultimate E stares, jaw agape.

Ultimate E: "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONMASTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!"
Doctor Strangefate: "Forget about the titan! Transport us out of here!"
Ultimate E: "I spent three months on that thing…"

It's legs cut, Moonmaster topples the Titan… and it begins falling down - into the car parking lot.

Doctor Strangefate: "The transporter…"
Ultimate E: "What did he do to my wonderful toy?"
Bass Lak Tus: "I created him so of course, he's amazing and well-loved by all."
Doctor Strangefate: THE TRANSPORTER…."
Ultimate E: "I gave Moonmaster his powers!"
Bass Lak Tus: "Oh but they were bad ones. I gave him a lightsaber."
Doctor Strangefate: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

The trio looked up and saw the Titan about to crush them into liquefied man goo.

Ultimate E: "I command you to stop falling!"

The Titan continues to fall - because it has no working parts anymore.

Ultimate E: "I AM YOUR CREATOR! I AM EEEEEEEEEE!"

Doctor Strangefate hits the button on the make-shift transporter and the trio disappear just as the Titan crashes into the floor.

Ultimate Central

Doctor Strangefate: "Man, that was lucky."
Ultimate E: "My titan!"
The Man Without Fear: "Ahem."

The trio turned round to see the Avatars assembled, ready for battle. The Avatars noticeably sweating. They look at each other, realising they can't take on all three of these guys together. They prepare to make the first strike, and make it count.

Ultimate E: "Woah guys! We don't want to fight. I mean, we er, we could kill you if we wanted to. But we don't. We just want access to the main UC tool cabinet for a little moment."
ProjectX2: "Yeah, right. We let you do what you want, then you kill us."
Bass Lak Tus: "Why, why would we kill you? You have the Ultimate Killifier, I'd never try anything."
Ultimate E: "Yeah! And you got Cardonite. That's my weakness. Strangefate?"
Doctor Strangefate: "Um... aaah... I've got like… I've swallowed a whole bunch of Scrabble tiles? And they're uh… lodged in my throat and it hurts?"
The Man Without Fear: "Hold on a minute. If you can't beat us, then why would we do anything you told us to do?"
Ultimate E: "Um..."
Doctor Strangefate: "Er...."
Bass Lak Tus: "... Please?"

The Ultimate Central Holding Cells

Doctor Strangefate: "Oh well, done E."

Downtown Cosmopolis

The crowds cheer, the honeys swoon, as Moonmaster is celebrated and loved by the people for sparing them from this mechanical menace. The news crews come up and interview him.

Frederik Fufenemeier: "You saved the city! Do you have anything to say?"
Moonmaster: "I hate machines."

The crowds cheer, the honeys swoon.

Moonmaster: "They are a cold and deadly race."

The crowds kinda cheer, the honeys kinda swoon.

Moonmaster: "A race of MACHINES."

There's a little bit of polite applause.
Then silence.
Moonmaster dances.
The crowds cheer, the honeys swoon!

Frederik Fufenemeier: "So who are you? And where do you come from?"
Moonmaster: "I am Moonmaster, and I and the last son of Moonton, a distant planet."
Frederik Fufenemeier: "An alien werewolf with a lightsaber?"
Moonmaster: "Nah, not really. I got my powers like the Avatars, y'know. Ultimate Central site, I log on, got super powers. It took me a while, but I finally can control them."
Frederik Fufenemeier: "Wait. The Avatars got their power from an internet site?"
Moonmaster: "Yep… Did you not know that?"
Frederik Fufenemeier: "We were told it was from a dying alternate universe."
Moonmaster: "Noooo. This alien guy, Ultimate E, crashed on our planet, made a website to give people powers."
Frederik Fufenemeier: "… What."
Moonmaster: "Yeah, I just happened to log on and I got these *****ing werewolf powers and a lightsaber."

Ultimate Central

The Avatars are watching the news.

Icemastertron: "Oh, ****!"

Ultimate Central Holding Cells

Ultimate E: "Don't look."
Doctor Strangefate: "If you know the way out…"
Ultimate E: "I built these things. Of course I know the way out. Don't look."
Bass Lak Tus: "No one cares about your stupid secret passages in your stupid holding cells! You act like you're the Nexus of the world! You're not!"

Ultimate E does the 'turn around' motion with his finger. The other two comply. Into a hidden keypad, Ultimate E types in the three-digit code.

Ultimate Central

The Avatars, rushing around in a fright, don't notice Bass Lak Tus, Doctor Strangefate and Ultimate E as they quietly ransack the cabinet.

Doctor Strangefate: "Come on come on, I could paint this things in oils by now!"
Ultimate E: "Okay, I got it. Gentlemen! Behold! The Transmogrification Discombobulator!"
Bass Lak Tus: "Then take one of those transporter things and take us back to that stupid desert so I can FINALLY get off this uninhabited rock!"

And with that they're gone.

Icemastertron: "Goddamit! Nurhachi it's your turn to do the washing up!"
Nurhachi: "I did it."
Icemastertron: "Transporting a river into the kitchen doesn't count as cleaning."
Nurhachi: "They're washed aren't they? Therefore, they are clean."
Icemastertron: "Look, we're going to have a whole bunch of very influential people demanding to inspect this place now that they know how arbitrarily we got our powers, and we better be able to actually play host! They'll be pissed off enough without us telling them we can't even make them a cup of coffee!"

Icemastertron storms out into the living room. Which is a big mess. Icemastertron looks around for Ultimate Gambit who's supposed to be cleaning it. He can't see him, and he mutters to himself as he starts picking up the mess.
Then he hears a big gushing sound.
Suddenly, the living room is flooded.
From inside the transporter room, Ultimate Gambit yells,

Ultimate Gambit: "Living room's done!"

The Stronghold of Seclusion

Ultimate E: "Let's try this again."

Each of them holds onto the now working Kirby-Gadgetron Mark II. All they have to do, is wish for themselves to not have powers and they'll have their powers back.
And they do.
But they also wish for the others to have powers, and so, no one has any powers.
The try again.
No wings. No hunger. No death beams.

Hours Later

Ultimate E: "Okay. One more time."

Nothing.

…

Even More Hours Later

The three sit on the floor, press the button, it flashes, nothing happens. They do it again. And again. They sigh and yawn.

…

This could take a while.

THE END


NEXT ISSUE - PROMETHEAN VALUES ​


Epilogue

Darth Terrorist: "I will now detonate my nuclear bomb! DEATH TO AMERICA!"
Civilian: "Look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane?"
Another Civilian: "Are you high? It's a werewolf with a lightsaber!"

WAUM WAUM WAUM TSSH TSSH WAUM

Darth Terrorist: "Aaaaa! … I am dead."
Frederik Fufenemeier: "Once again, you've saved Cosmopolis Moonmaster! Do you have anything to say?"

Moonmaster looked around at the adulating crowd. He was finally a hero. He was a homeless monster, and now he is a patron saint. Perhaps he can't change the world for everyone. But maybe, just maybe, he can change it just for himself.
Moonmaster smiles.

Moonmaster: "It's plenty."
 
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