Making mistakes is different from being an *sshole. At the end of the movie I felt more sympathy toward Flash, who at LEAST was there for Peter and Gwen when it mattered. Peter just used his powers to abuse anyone he deemed unworthy. The way he treated the criminals he went after was much more akin to a high school bully picking on kids that are weaker than him, than the good natured banter we love Spidey for. The way he treats the cop who pulls a gun on him after he tortures the car thief is like that too. The police-officer is just doing his job. Peter did not have to be a dick to him.
Flash goes trough a character arc. He starts out as a mindless bully, but by the end of the movie he has shown to have a friendlier, sensitive side too. It is the opposite of the arc Peter goes through, who starts out as a awkward teen, but turns into an huge unlikable *sshole over the course of the movie.
No, Flash doesn't go through a character arc, Peter does. You caught part of Peter's arc (awkward teen to unlikeable jerk) but then missed the conclusion. Flash doesn't change, he is the mirror that's set up for Peter to see who he is and how he needs to grow.
At the beginning of the story Peter is a decent kid who doesn't like bullies and tries to do what is right, but he's basically powerless to do anything. Flash is the bully. He's stronger and more athletic and more popular than Peter, and he's a jerk. You're supposed to not like him.
Then Peter gets powers and he realizes that he doesn't need to take crap from anyone any more. He humiliates Flash and feels good about it. He doesn't understand why Uncle Ben is mad at him for what he did. All he can see is that Flash got what he deserved. He doesn't see that he has now become the bully. He hasn't used his powers to help any one, he's just using them to put down people he doesn't like... people he thinks deserve it.
Then he gets in trouble for not picking up Aunt May and gets the lecture about responsibility. Uncle Ben says, "Your father believed that if you could do good things for other people, you had the moral obligation to do so. It wasn't a choice; it was responsibility." (This, by the way wasnt just them changing the classic line for the sake of change, it fits the story.) Peter still doesn't get what Uncle Ben is saying. All he can see is that he's had a hard life and he has a right to be angry. And now that he has the power, he doesn't need to take crap from anyone, including lectures from his uncle. So he storms out. And yes, he is being a selfish jerk at this point.
Then there's the part with the store. Another guy is being a jerk to him so when he gets robbed he doesn't stop the shoplifter and even takes the stolen milk. The milk wasn't a bribe, it showed WHY Peter didn't care that the store got robbed. His philosophy of life is, "If you treat me badly don't expect me do do anything for you." Peter wasn't going to stop the shop lifter even before he threw him the milk. In Peter's mind the store owner deserved what he got, just like Flash did.
But then Uncle Ben lives out his philosophy of being obligated to do what is right and gets shot in the process. At this point Peter starts to get what Uncle Ben was talking about, and starts his journey toward being a hero, but he still acts out of anger and revenge against the killer rather than out of a sense of responsibility to help people.
At this point we see a different side to Flash, not because he has grown as a character, but because its significant to Peter's arc. Flash tries to show him sympathy and Peter slams him against the locker. Flash says, "Feels better, right?" This is to show that Peter isn't a hero at this point, he has become exactly what Flash is: a bully that takes his anger out on other people to try and make himself feel better. But Peter still doesn't get it.
So he goes out chasing down people who look like Uncle Ben's killer. He bullies them and takes his anger out on them, and in the process makes Aunt May's life even more of a nightmare b/c now she's worried about him. But Peter thinks he's doing the right thing, so when the cops give him a hard time, he is a jerk to them. When Captain Stacy badmouths Spider-Man, he talks back until Captain Stacy calls him out and tells Peter that Spider-Man is a vigilante with a vendetta who doesn't care about justice. Then Peter realizes that not only has he made a mess of meeting Gwen's family, but that Gwen's dad was absolutely right.
Then the Lizard attacks the bridge and he ACTUALLY helps people, and he gets it. He sees the difference between what he's been doing and what Uncle Ben did. So he abandons the search for the killer and goes after the lizard. And even after the lizard almost kills him, he still goes after him b/c he's realized that a) it's Dr Connors and he helped make him that way and b) only he can stop him, which both give him the responsibility to do so.
After that fight with Captain Stacy and the first encounter with the Lizard on the bridge, Peter stops acting like a jerk. His motives change and he becomes a true hero. When the dad asks him who he is, he doesn't mouth off to him like he has been doing, he says, "I'm Spider-Man." It took longer in this version, it was fleshed out more, but he still got there.
When we see Flash again and he and Peter seem to be friends, it's not because Flash has changed, it's because Peter has. We see Flash differently b/c Peter does. Peter understands him.
And sure, say what you like about Peter not being there for Gwen, but her dad put him in an impossible situation. Captain Stacy basically said, while he was dying, that Gwen would die too if Peter didn't stay away from her. And then he made him promise to do so. Peter wanted to be there for her, but he was trying to do the right thing. He didn't abandon her because he was being selfish, he avoided her because he was trying NOT to be selfish. And then he decided he couldn't do it. Maybe that was him reverting to selfishness, maybe it was Marc Webb not wanting his movie to end EXACTLY the same way Raimi's first movie did... Whatever, we know they had to get back together, and the promise to Captain Stacy was foreshadowing Gwen's inevitable death.
I really liked the story arc Peter went through. It made sense, it was a journey that was more complicated than the comic story, but was still faithful to it. They got Peter right (even if he wasn't likeable for a good chunk of the movie - he was on a journey, and he got there), they got Gwen right (and she never once screamed for Spider-Man to save her and actually was a hero herself), and they NAILED the awkward teen romance - it was perfectly done. The lizard story arc was lacklustre, the crane scene was so incredibly bad, but they got the characters right, and had some cool action sequences. I'm happy.
