Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
Early in the Morning, the Day before Houde and Moonmaster's Science duel
Doom walked out of his bedroom, to grab some early morning cereal, and replace the batteries in his spying equipment that was in Houde's lab. That when he noticed the TV was on.
Doom: Damn McCheese, it's bad enough you sleep in here for free, learn to turn the TV off.
Houde: It ain't McCheese.
Doom looked over, and saw Houde, eating Cheetos, his hands and mouth covered in the golden hue of the fake cheese of the Cheetos brand, watching public access television.
Doom: Are you okay?
Houde: Why is this couch so lumpy!
McCheese: Cause you've been sitting on me all night. I can't sleep in these conditions! I have Cheetos in my ear!
Houde: No one likes you.
McCheese: That wounds me in way you do not know.
Doom: Why the pity fest?
Houde: Cause I can't beat him, that's why. It won't work, no matter what I do, I can't figure out a new technology to beat him.
Doom: Listen, you need to get out of here for awhile. Go to the Shack, take the lounger with you, I'll go through your lab, and see what I can come up with.
Houde: The new password...
Doom: Please, don't insult me, I knew it before you did.
Houde got up from the couch and went to get ready for work.
Doom: McCheese, listen, when you get down to the Shack, tell Kalicki to come up here, and bring someone smart, like Houde's sister.
McCheese: Right.
Doom: And make sure Houde doesn't do anything stupid.
McCheese: Right. So which one do you want me to do first?
Doom: Um...both?
McCheese: Okay, I already forgot the first one.
Doom: Why did we hire you?
McCheese: Riggs, get the cat!
Doom: Wrong movie line.
McCheese: It's been revoked?
Doom: Wrong movie.
McCheese: um....
Doom: Men in Black, I make this look good.
McCheese: Yeah, that one!
Doom: Just, try to follow my instructions.
McCheese: Right.
Doom walks to Houde's lab, while McCheese feverishly tries to remember the two things Doom told him not to forget.
Later, at the Shack
Houde: Ho...hum.
McCheese: Why so glum chum, ever since Planet-Man's Chicken Hut left, we have a crapload of business.
Houde: Yeah, but now he stands out there all day, it's kind of sad.
McCheese: Figure you would be kinda happy about it.
Houde: If Doom sees him, he's going to kill him, I should go out there and talk to him.
Houde left the shack, and went over to the forlorn looking Planet-Man.
Houde: Yeah, so about last week.
Planet-Man: It's gone, my life, my dream, all gone.
Houde: Yeah, I want to explain why I did that.
Planet-Man: It better be good.
Houde: It is, well, kinda, um, weird, but Doom said he was going to kill you if I didn't do what I did.
Planet-Man: He was going to kill me? You are alright with that? You think he would actually do that? THAT'S INSANE!
Houde: And it's Doom, trust me, I've lived with him for two years now, he does that sort of thing.
Planet-Man: He's killed before? SERIOUSLY!
Houde: And he's gotten boners about it, then told me.
Planet-Man: ....what?
Houde: Trust me, don't think about it. Anyways you can't hang around here no more, or he'll kill you.
Planet-Man: I need a job man....
Houde: No.
Houde walks away with Planet-Man looking at him.
Planet-Man: WAIT! I know something you can build to beat Moonmaster!
Houde: And what would that be? A time machine made with lights?
Planet-Man: ...Yeah.
Houde: Go sell your stupid idea to someone else.
Houde walks away from the disgruntled, now homeless Canadian. Behind him Planet-Man was approached by someone else, in a lab coat.
In Houde's Lab
Doom: WHERE IS KALICKI!
Knocking was heard at the door, and Doom took out his PDA to look at who it was. Wade Wilson was standing there, with a bag from Bestest Buy. Intrigued, Doom went into the living room and opened the door.
Doom: Hey retard beater, what do you want?
Wade Wilson: I just got this new game, and want to play it on your system.
Doom: I do have a sweet TV. Say it.
Wade Wilson: Say what?
Doom: That I have a sweet TV.
Wade Wilson: If I don't?
Doom: I'll punch you in the face, then introduce you to Little Doom.
Wade Wilson: Yeah, I'll punch you in the legs, break them, then park in your handicap spot.
Doom: Doom likes your style. Come in, and help with something first.
Wade Wilson: Why would I do that?
Doom: Cause, I have military training.
Wade Wilson: Fine...
The Next Day
Houde stood in front of his old employer's firm, with nothing more than a briefcase, and a pocket protector.
Behind him, Doom and Wade WIlson walked up.
Houde: Why is my sister's pathetic boyfriend here?
Doom: He helped me make something for this.
Houde: I came up with something, I won't need your help.
Wade Wilson: But it's a handicap catapult.
Doom: Yeah, the test guy went about 200 yards.
Houde: And how do they land safely?
Wade Wilson: Why would they need to land safely?
Houde: Thought so, stay out here boys, I'll take care of this.
Doom: What about your need for bodyguards?
Houde: First off, I'm sure you have some sort of bug on me by now, and second, I'm walking into a scientific building, what could possibly harm me?
An explosion happened on the third floor, flinging four scientists out of the building, and into the nearby river.
Houde: Those were amateurs. Be back in a few.
Houde walked in.
Inside the Building's Cafeteria.
Houde arrived at the cafeteria, to see Moonmaster standing there with Planet-Man. The Bossman Bing stood there too.
Bing: Henry, welcome, Moonmaster here already showed us his machine.
Houde looked over at the light doorway.
Houde: Let me guess, time machine?
Bing: Yes, and they turned it on, and a note from the future came out of it?
Houde: I bet it even had a future date written on it.
Bing: Of course it did Harold. That how we knew it was from the future.
Moonmaster smiled wickedly.
Houde: Well, let me at least try to beat it. First off, Bossman Bing, you are an idiot, but a hungry idiot. I'm sure you would like something to eat?
Houde opened the suitcase, and took out a box, which contained a small red button.
Houde: Moonmaster, you like to steal my ideas, and pretend toys are real. For you, I got nothing more than the same thing I'm offering Bing.
Houde flipped open the glass cover to the red button.
Houde: Planet-Man, you want a job. You will work for me, and give me half your profits, cause, I'm bringing back your friend, and your store. You agree to this?
Planet-Man: Um...sure?
Houde: Sign here then.
Houde handed a piece of paper over to Planet-Man. He signed it.
Houde: Good, Bossman Bing, Moonmaster, Planet-Man, enjoy the new location of Houde's Chili Dog Shack, run by Planet-Man here, and operated out of this cafeteria.
Bing: Christopher, I don't see a restaurant chain here?
Houde: Well, now you do.
Houde pressed the button, lights and flashes later, the Planet-Man's Authentic Chicken hut appeared in the cafeteria. Gothamite walked out, and began to replace the sign with Houde's Chili Dog Shack.
Houde: Bing, you can take the offer of a new job and shove it, I like the Chili Dog Shack, and all the crazyness it implies, Planet-Man, as long as you keep up the bargain, Doom won't be forced to hurt you, and Moonmaster, I have something in my pocket for you.
Houde reached into his pocket, and pulled out his hand, which was holding up a middle finger.
Houde: Take that, WHOO!
Moonmaster tackled him
Bing: OH! SCIENCE FIGHT!
Minutes Later
Houde walked out, with minor bruising and some cuts.
Doom: Get your old job back?
Houde: Nope, just opened up a new restaurant within the complex, and now Planet-Man works for us.
Doom: What's with the black eye?
Houde: Moonmaster doesn't like it when you flip him off. His nerd rage is a sight to behold.
Wade Wilson: You should have punched him.
Houde: What does my sister see in you?
Doom: So, where we going?
Houde: Back to the Shack, I'm hungry.
End of Season 2
