Law & Order: UC the Marathon

[Ultimate Houde]

Three days Ago

Nigma was in the hospital for his blown off toe. VVD and Synch, members of the 82nd precinct's resident SWAT team, were both there,

VVD: You alright man
Nigma: The pain, I need more morphine
VVD: Dude, you got shot in the pinky toe.
Nigma: Just saying it makes the pain hurt more.

A tentative knock on the door was heard.

Synch: It's the damn honkey again.
Nigma: Are you here to gloat? ARE YOU?
Ice: Listen, I read a dictionary and know what honkey means now, and I really think I need to inform you on something, I'm not white.

Crickets are heard

Synch: He fo' real?
VVD: Honkey lover
Ice: I'm not, REALLY!
Nigma: Why, WHY ARE YOU HURTING ME STILL!
Synch: I say we do an old fashion lynching
Ice: Look at me, I'm not white! My real name is Luis!
VVD: Your nickname is ice. Ice is white
Ice: No it isn't, it's clear
Synch: You going against my grandmother now? She told me as a kid ice is white
VVD: You better not be making fun of Synch' Grannie. Honkey.
Ice: Snow is white, ice isn't
Synch: Hold me back or I'm gonna pop his ***
Nigma: Hold on, that sounded gay guys.
VVD: Yea, you gay?
Synch: No, look, the honkey's still here, we should be picking on him
Ice: He's mad cause I said no when he asked me out.
VVD: Honkey lover
Nigma: If you were gay you could have told us so we could properly made fun of you for it.
VVD: Gay loser
Synch: I'm not gay, the honkey is using that to distract you. Look, he's running

Ice was in fact just kinda standing there.

Ice: I am?
Synch: CRAP!
VVD: Gay
Nigma: Gay
Synch: I'M NOT GAY!
Ice: Anyways, Nigma, the date for E's trial is in three days, figured you wanted to know.
Nigma: Whatever, I just can't believe Synch likes to make brownies.
Synch: DAMN HONKEY!

Skotti walked through the now empty 82nd precinct, carrying two plates of food. She whistled to herself, nimbly stepping over the chalk outline of GMaster's dead body on the floor.

She took a left turn and made her way to the jails of the 82nd precinct. In there, she found two people, a prisoner who made his jail clothes to resemble a skirt and a knotted up tee shirt, with a bandana. And someone who was talking to himself.

Skotti: Dr. Strangefate, Mayor, how are you two doing?
Dr. Strangefate: Very well my dear, what's on the menu today?
Skotti: We have orange duck with garlic mash potatoes, and seasoned steamed asparagus.
Dr. Strangefate: We just had that yesterday
Skotti: Sorry honey, the cook was fired by MWoF.
Baxter: Robin, this girl brings us norishment?
Skotti: He's still delusional, huh?
Dr. Strangefate: Yes, it's quite disgusting.
Baxter: I'm Batman!
Dr. Strangefate: Can't you guys let him out?
Skotti: No, his assassin is still about, somewhere.

A janitor walks behind them, holding a mop.

Janitor: Here to clean up the mess.
Skotti: What mess?

The janitor grabs one of the food plates, and throws it into Baxter's cage.
Baxter: Gadzooks!
Skotti: Um...
Janitor: Unlock the cage missy, I need to clean up the mess.
Dr. Strangefate: Oh no he didn't.

Skotti reaches into her purse, and hands some fingernail polish to Dr. Strangefate.

Skotti: Nice try TGO, Strangefate, get him.

She unlocked the homosexual's cage.

Dr. Strangefate: Come here boy, time for some metrosexualization!
Janitor (a disguised TGO): NO!

Several minutes later, Skotti locked Dr. Strangefate back up, and TGO laid whimpering on the floor.
TGO: The pain...
Skotti: Bother us again, and I'm going to have Dr. Strangefate do more than give you a manicure, got it?
Baxter: Way to show him Robin!
TGO: Oh god, my hands! MY HANDS!

Tgo ran out, clutching his hands as the cherry red fingernail polish hardened.

Houde and Bass entered the now empty 82nd precinct, in time to see a janitor run out cluthcing his hand.

TGO: THE PAIN!

Bass and Houde watch him run off.

Bass: Well, should we start tying this thing up?
Houde: I think so. We need a look into E's Office first.
Bass: So we need to get MWof out of it.
Houde: That, That could be hard.

The two cops walked towards the office.

~~~

Ultimate Gambit paced his room.

He was close to figuring out who did this whole thing, who set up E, who framed him for murder, and why E wasn't telling anyone anything.

Just then his roomate came home, Ultimate Bigby.

UG: Hey Big, what's up?
UB: Well, simply plotting the demise of the 82nd precinct.
UG: Okay.

Ultimate Gambit went back to trying to tfigure out what was going on, and who would try to plot the demise of the 82nd precinct.

~~~

Houde and Bass stared at the cloud of smoke that drifted out of the office. Skotti walked up to them.
Houde: What you been doing?
Skotti: Feeding the prisoners.
Bass: Guys, where was the bullet wound on GMaster?

An old sargent walked up.

ProjectX2: It was in his left temple.
Bass: Which means it came from a different direction than what was origanlly intended. For E to have shot GMaster there...
Houde: He would had to have been on the other side of his desk, but he wasn't, he didn't even move...
Skotti: Which means the bullet came from a different direction, there was a second shooter...
ProjectX2: From that direction over there.

The all turned around and looked at the picture of a grassy knoll. Sure enough, there was scorch marks on the wall.

Houde: A second shooter....

From the cloud of smoke emerged three individuals, Nurhachi, MWoF and DrishB.

Nurhachi: Calm down the boss guys.
MWoF: I needed that weed man...
DIrishB: I do what I can, and I am show up where I am needed, for I am, the DIRISHB!

Everyone wasn't paying attention to DIrishB as they shook the hands of MWoF welcoming him back to the world of the sane.

DIrishB: I HATE YOU ALL!

 

[Ultimate Houde]

Present Day- Yeah, so I skipped two days worth of useless funny material, get over it. I'm never going to do them either. Nothing much happened to them on those days. Bass dreamed about Famke, Houde *****ed about th emess people where leaving in his apartment, Hawkeye101 continuned to watch th edead body Ultimate Bigby told him too, and Ultimate Gambit found supreme evidence against Ultimate Bigby.

Like I said.

Nothing much happened, anyways

PRESENT!

Ultimate Gambit: WAIT, I HAVE EVIDENCE THAT WILL CLEAR HIM!

The assembled crowd turns around.

DIrishB: Wow, this is better than my soaps...

DJF: Well, I'm all ears, what is it?
Ultimate Gambit: Someone take Nigma, he still has no balance. Took me forever to get him over here.

Ice stands up to take Nigma, and when Ultimate Gambit switches Nigma's weight over to Ice, Ice falters, and both of them fall to the ground.

Nigma: If I broke my leg whitey, I'm...
Ice: I'M NOT WHITE!
Nigma: Your not? Could have fooled me. Let me sit down, I want to see this.

Ultimate Gambit strod towards the judge.

Ultimate Gambit: Judge, I'm sure you can smell it, and that's where the clue is. Everyone started smelling, suddenly, Houde paled. He looked over at ORson Scott Card.

Houde: Oh god, he's dead...and he's touching me!

He shot of the seat, making puking noises.

Ultimate Gambit: Excatly, Hawkeye101, can you tell us what Orson Scott's Card real name is?
Hawkeye101: I don't now. Some guy on the street told me to watch this dead body. I figured it was my friend Orson, he was killed you no.
Bass: Um...Hawkeye101, he was transferred, not killed.
Hawkeye101: Oh....so who is this guy? And he's dead, I let him sleep in my bed....we cuddled.
Houde: That just made me sick...

Everyone ignored the spalshing noises.

Houde: Puke free since 93 is so gone now...
Nurhachi: So wait, Ultimate Gambit, is this the body of GMaster?
Ultimate Gambit Yes it is.
MWoF: What's the body got to do with it though?
Ultimate Gambit: Check the pocket...

ProjectX2 reached forward, and took out a note from his pocket. On it was a To Do list, Buy Groceries, Take the Dog out for a Walk, Frame E...

ProjectX2: Hold the phone, Ourchair, Compound, who in tarnation did you miss this when you checked the body.
Ourchair: I'm Asian.
Compound: I no speakie Engrish.
Ourchair: That's our excuse, discriminator
Compound: Yeah, discriminator.
ProjectX2: That works, I guess.

The note gets handed to the judge, who looks at it warily.

Ultimate Gambit: This proves nothing though, what makes the clincher, is what I now. Ultimate Bigby, I know you are here, stand up!

Ultimate Bigby stood up.

Ultimate Gambit Care to tell us something Bigby? Or should I call you DOC COMIC!

A collective gasp goes through the courtroom.

Slimjim: Hot damn, that is whack!

Ultimate Bigby ripped off his mask to reveal a Doc Comic. He had a crazy look in his eyes.

Doc Comic: How did you know?
Ultimate Gambit: The clues where in front of me, that day when Bass and Houde came get me to investigate the case, there was Whopper wrappers all over the floor. I know Ultimate Bigby doesn't eat Whoppers, being a vegetarian that he is, cause he's smart, and plus he was on vacation in Brazil. Then DIrishB mentioned to me how he kicked Doc Comic out of his bungalow.
DIrishB: I did
Ultimate Gambit: Yes, yesterday, one of the days Houde never wrote and are his plot holes.
DIrishB: Oh...
Ultimate Gambit: I knew something was up. But, I could never figure out why he would try to frame E by murdering GMaster.
Doc Comic: So much for being smart, well then Mr. Ultimate Gambit, let me tell you why I did it! It was because of the humiliation I felt for failing my entrance exams to the police force, so I knew to get in, I needed to get one of you guys out!
E: You framed me for murder to simply become a policeman?
Doc Comic: I DID! BUWHAHAHAHHA!
E: Wow, diabolicle. Wait till I get my gun back.
DJF: Baliaf, arrest this man!

Suddenly, Doc Comic was gone, instead was a man wearing a fake cod's head.

Bass: Doc, we know that is you.
Doc Comic: No it's not, it's me, Cosmic Cod!
Bass: Hiding behind an anagram I see..

Houde leans forward to whisper in Bass' ear.

Houde: There is no S in Doc Comic.
Bass: I AM THE NEXUS! THERE IS NOW AN 'S' IN DOC'S NAME!

Doc Comics: You saw through my disguise, but one day, I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!
E: Against who, yourself? You ****ed this up, not us.
Doc Comics: DAMN YOU!
DJF: Glad this is over with, time to go camping.
Ultimate Gambit: Wait judge, but I do have evidence that E did do something.
DJF: And what is that private dick. Heheheh, I said Private and dick.
Ultimate Gambit: That he commited the murder of JFK!
E: I wasn't even born yet you freak!
Ultimate Gambit: HE THREATENED ME!
Doc Comic: NIO JAIL CAN HOLD ME
Houde: I'M GONNA RALPH AGAIN!

As the scene degenrated into chaos, the camera pulls back out a window, and in front of the courthouse stood Pandrio, playing his keyboard for money. He pauses, and looks up in the camera.

Pandrio: That's All Folks!

DUN DUN

 

[Ultimate Houde]

DUN DUN

Houde: Where they hell does that noise come from man? It's even on the damn PA system now?
MWoF: Ever since E hired that new annoucer, it always happens.
Nurhachi: Hey, where is Bass anyways?
Houde: I have no freaking clue, and it's getting me really worried right now.
MWoF: Why?
Houde: Because he owes me five bucks, that rat bastard.
Nurhachi: For what?
Houde: A bet we made two months ago

---

Houde and Bass stood in front of Hawkeye101. He was holding a donut on a string, and trying to eat it.

Houde: Five bucks says he never figures it out by the end of today.
Bass: You're on

---

Nurhachi: How did you know you won?

Hawkeye101 delivered a message to Houde's desk, says hi to the guys, and walks off.

Still trying to eat the donut on the string.

Houde: The guy is a dumbass, it's a good thing he was demoted to mailperson.
MWoF: It's a mailman.

From across the precinct came a scream.

Skotti: OH, WOMAN CAN'T DELIVER MAIL?
MWoF: Oh crap, why didn't anyone warn me she was here...
Houde: Nur, look at this.

Houde hands Nur the package he just got. Inside of it was a picture of a hand.

Nur: Weird.
Houde: There's a note as well.

Skotti ran across the precinct, practically tacklng MWoF off the desk.

MWoF: HELP! HELP!
Skotti: I will gouge your eyes out! You sexist pig!
MWoF: But I like girls...
Skotti: I don't care!

As Skotti tried to pull off MWoF's arms, Nurhachi and Houde studied the note.

Houde: To find out what happened to this man, follow these clues...
Nurhachi: It's a picture of a hand, how is that a clue?
Houde: Behind it, it's a picture of London bay.
Nurhachi: Do you know whose hand it is?
Houde: No, but this may be the clue we are waiting for.
Nurhachi: Go talk to E
Houde: Your not coming?
Nurhachi: No, after Skotti is done with MWoF, I'll probably need to take him to the hospital.
Houde: Okay, make sure the janitor cleans the mess too. Dried blood is a ***** to get out.

Houde headed towards E's office.

MWoF continued to struggle.

MWoF: HELP ME! SOMEONE!
Skotti: I'M GOING TO RIP IT OFF!
MWoF: NO NO

A sound of tearing was heard.

MWoF: MY BADGE! YOU RIPPED IT OFF MY UNIFORM!

~~~

E's Office

Houde: E, you got a minute.
E: Yeah, what is it?
Houde: I'm going to need some time off.
E: What for?
Houde: To figure out this.

Houde throws his package on E's desk (There's a sentence I thought would never be typed out).

E: This is strange.
Houde: Why?
E: Cause, Bass got the same package. Listen, I'm not sending you out there alone.

He calls on his phone downstairs.

Minutes later, tear gas comes crashing through the window.

E: I think I need to tell my SWAT team to calm down for a minute.
Houde: I guess.

VVD crashes through E's door, wearing a gas mask, and holding a gun.

VVD: Hands on the ground!
E: VVD, calm down, I need to accompany Houde
VVD: I SAID HANDS DOWN.
E: This is getting ridiculous. VVD! TAKE OFF THE DAMN GAS MASK, PUT YOUR GUN DOWN, AND SO HELP ME I WILL SHOOT YOU MYSELF

VVD looks around, and takes off the mask.

VVD: Oops, sorry boss.
E: Your too dedicated.
Houde: Actually E, I would like to take someone else also.
E: Who?
Houde: Ice.
E: Why?
Houde: Because, it's a plot device.
E: Works for me.

~~~

The Next Day

As the plane took off, one lone person watched it fly. He cried.

Nigma: These are tears of joy, HE'S GONE! HE CAN'T ANNOY ME NOW!

 

[Ultimate Houde]

In the Tall Tower

Moonmaster, the crime boss of New York, was watching TV, and eating a bowl of fruit loops.

Suddenly, the fruit loops came spitting out of his mouth, and all over his expensive couch and rug.

Moonmaster: I hate The Hills! It has no Kristen! I WANT LAGUNA BEACH BACK!

He proceeded to throw a tantrum, throwing various objects around, and breaking expensive things in his bedroom. Slamming down on the voice box button, he sent out an order to his butler.

Moonmaster: GET ME TGO! AND ENTROPY, AND THAT RAGTAG RANDOM!

The butler returned a few minutes later.

Butler: They are gone sir.
Moonmaster: Those bastards....cut me some milk.
Butler: Cut milk? How am I suppose to do that?
Moonmaster: Imbecile, first you freeze it then you cut it! Question me again and I shall kill you...twice. NOW GO!

As the butler ran off, Moonmaster sat down, wondering how he can blame Bass for the non-return of Laguna Beach.

Moonmaster: I want to see the real OC again...

~~~

The plane landed down in London.

Of course, this was not without incident. VVD had punched out various people. The first was a guy leaving the bathroom, VVD had decided the man was in the bathroom too long. The second was someone who moved in VVD's side vision. He reacted based on instinct. Then he hit a grandmother because she farted. The last guy deserved it, he tried to steal VVD's inflight catalogue.

The bastard.

Even with these interuptions, the plane landed ahead of schedule. You would too if you had a pyschopath with a loaded fist on your plane as well. VVD was the first off, the other passengers where scared to move while he was around.

VVD: We made it. No casualties so far.
Houde: Well, the grandmother is still in a coma..
VVD: But she isn't dead.
Ice: So, you have a contact here?
Houde: Of course, there is the man over there. GUJI!

A bobby walked over.

Guji: Morning Houde, Ice, and oh my, a geniune black person! Hello!
VVD: I'm punching him.
Houde: You can't, and he's like this with everyone. Punching him would make it worse, and he's our guide.
Guji: Oh, and he thinks he can talk back to white people. So nice.
Ice: Guji! You wanna be my partner?
Guji: Nope
Ice: Come on, it would be like a movie!
Guji: WIth the title being, Ice, and his confusion over the fact he didn't know what carpets where.
Ice: I don't get it
Guji: That's cause I'm smart.
Ice: Oh
Houde: Guji, enough, let's get to London Bay.
Guji: Oh yes my American master, tell me what to do please, cause I'm a stupid foriegner.
Houde: See VVD, I told you he does this to everyone.
VVD: Can't talk...resisting urge to punch....

As the four people left the airport, three more individuals got off the plane. One was wearing a janitor's uniform. One was normal looking, and the other had a giant trophy on his head.

Random: A trophy? That's not very incognito.
Entropy: What? It's smaller than the one I usually wear.
TGO: Keep track of the police gentleman. We need to find the prize.
Entropy: Right.
Random: Freak
Entropy: Donkey lover.
Random: I don't like donkeys!
Entropy: SO now your a specist eh?
TGO: Boys, FOCUS!

---

DUN DUN

MWoF: AGAIN! He plays it every five damn minutes. I swear it's the only keys he knows!
Nur: Hey, manwithoutfear, you know somethings?
MWoF: No? What is it?
Nur: Without Houde or Bass here, we are both the coolest, and bestest, cops here
MWoF: Even with Houe and Bass around, we are the coolest and bestest and FUNNIEST cops here!
Nur: Everyone loves us!
MWoF: I know!

Both of them pause during their mutual masterbation of each other's egos to look at a strange man walking past them. He fake mustache falls off, and he grabs it, putting it back on,

Moonmaster: Excuse me fine piggies, I mean, coppers, gosh I hope they don't see through my disguise, I am looking for a most excellent pig..copper by the name of Bass.

MWoF and Nurhachi both look at each other.

MWoF: Is he serious?
Nur: Right this ay sir.
Moonmaster: Thank you fin...

Nur grabs Moonmaster by the arm.

Moonmaster: NO ONE TOUCHES ME! NO ONE LAYS A HAND ON THE GREAT MOON....I mean, don't touch me sir, I have scientology.
Nur: Heard that's going around lately.
Moonmaster: Yes, it makes me want to eat small naked babies.
Nur: Oh, that's nice, I think our police cheif wants to see you.
Moonmaster: Um, I think I must go.

Moonmaster begins to run for the exit.

MWoF: STOP HIM! HE'S A CRIMINAL!

The only person in the way of Moonmaster was ProjectX2.

Moonmaster: I can take you old man.

He puts his head down, and runs full tilt at Project.

He bounces off Project onto the ground.

ProjectX2: I do love my ab-roller. Hard as steel, STEEL!
~~~

In London Bay

Houde: I don't think we are in the right place.
Guji: So your an Englishman, aren't you.
Houde: No, but this is the clothing store, London Bay.
Guji: And?
Houde: This picture is definitely of the docks.
VVD: Can we leave here, I'm feeling gayer by the second.
Houde: Sure thing, Ice, let's go!
Ice: But...But...There's a sale on the pink sweaters!
Houde: COME ON!
Guji: ***
Houde: Hey, he may be a ***, but he's our partner.
Guji: Actually I was asking if you would like a smoke.
Houde:: Oh, no thank you
Guji: Asshat
Houde: What crazy British slang does that one stand for?
Guji: That's no slang, you are an asshat.
VVD: You walked into that one

Later

Guji: So, this is the docks.
Houde: Thank you
VVD: I want to teach these blokes the word of VVD
Guji: Overtestonerol?
VVD: What?
Ice: Hey guys, look, a clue!

Ice runs over to a box that is wrapped in birthday paper. It has Houde's name on it. Houde opens it, and finds another photo inside, this time it's one with a foot.

Houde: Amsterdam...
VVD: Wow your detective skills are amazing.
Guji: Esp. since the sign in the back says Amsterdam.
Houde: Joykill.
Guji: SO I guess this means you leaving now.
Houde: Yup, thanks for the help.
Guji: Use me and leave me.
VVD: My motto
Ice: It's okay Guji, you can have some of these clothes I bought.
Guji: No thanks, if I wanted these clothes, I steal some of my girlfriends.
Ice: Hey.
Houde: Time to go to Amsterdam boys...

~~~

TGO: Amsterdam, that's the next stop
Random: Kinda Random, isn't it?
Entropy: I fail to see how this situation has anything to do with you
Random: I'm talking about the word Random
TGO: Random, stop talking about yourself, only I'm allowed to talk to myself in thrid person, because TOG RULES!
Random: Your name is TGO
TGO: I know, TOG
Random: TGO
TGO: TOG
Random: TGO
TGO: TUG
Random: You suck
TGO: I know your mom sucks, she did it to me last night
Random: Last night we were on an airplane.
TGO: Last night me and your mom joined the mile high club.
Random: Let's just get to Amsterdam
Entropy: After you tell me why this situation has to do with you

 

[Ultimate Houde]

As VVD taught a whole new plane crew to respect, what he refered to it as, 'Super Utter VVD coolness, *****", other things were still going on in New York City. In fact, it was the filming of the popular show, Not-So-Big-Ville, and one of it's stars Kirsten Kruenk, was out for a stroll.

Kirsten Kruenk: Lalala, I'm walking, lalala! I'm walking, in the middle of a busy street. LALALALA!

Meanwhile, a lone person, holding a camera, taking picture of everything he saw...

the watcher: A PERSON! *snap* A LADLE! *snap* A TRUCK THAT OBVIOUSLY HAS NO BRAKES! *snap* I can't wait to get back home so I can post these all over the net and....OH NO! THE RAMPAGING TRUCK IS GOING TO RUN OVER NOT-SO-BIG-VILLE STAR KIRSTEN KRUENK! I NEED TO SAVE HER!

After a moment's decision on whether or not to take the picture, the watcher run off, and jumped in front of Kirsten, pulling her to safety.

the watcher: I saved you from the rampaging truck Kirsten, will you be my friend?

The rampaging truck had, of course, run over various other people as it careened off into the distance.

Kirsten Kruenk: Hells no, SECURITY! ARREST THIS MAN FOR MOLESTATION!
the watcher: No kirsten, I SAVED YOU!
Kirsten Kruenk: Get away from me you freak! SECURITY!

As the watcher was arrested, all he could think about was how he wouldn't be able to post this awesome story online until he got out of jail.

---

The plane landed in Amsterdam, the city of debauchery and sin. The door opened, and people ran screaming out of it.

Passenger: HE HIT MY CHILD!
Other Passenger: MY LEG, IT'S BROKEN!

After various other screams, included several females who were insulted about their non existant weight problems, Houde, VVD and Ice exited the plane.

Houde: Seriously, did you try to offend the whole plane?
VVD: I tried, but sadly, there was a group of miscreants that escaped unscathed by the word of VVD.
Ice: You're a meany.
VVD: NO! I AM?
Ice: Yes.
VVD: Sarcasism doesn't effect you, does it?
Ice: Nope
Houde: Guys, let's try to find Private Fuzzy Birds. He's the guy MWoF and Nur worked with when they were on vacation.

The trio exited the airport, and found a massive cloud of smoke to great them.

VVD: Do I smell DIrishB around here?
Houde: Naw, that's just the massive amount of mary jane that's being used around here.
Ice: MJ is here? I LOVE REDHEADS!
VVD: Why is he here again?
Houde: Plot device, come on, let's go find the Private. He said he'd be waiting at the police station.

Off to the side, three cardboard boxes moved steathily through the crowd. One of them had a trophy on top.

TGO: My plan is GREATNESS PERSONIFIED!
Random: Your plan? Sue me if I'm wrong, but isn't this what Solid Snake did in Metal Gear?
Entropy: Random, this is obviously an orginal plan.
TGO: Hell yea it is, Solid Snake is my pal, he borrowed the plan from me.
Random: You mean back in 1985?
TGO: SHUT YOUR FACE!
Random: Ex..
TGO: SHUT YOUR FACE!
Entropy: Guys, our quarry is escaping us, we must move quicker.
TGO: LEts us go forth!
Random: Stop trying to sound smart, cause we all know your not.
TGO: SHUT YOUR FACE!

---

DJF: I'd allow it
Cad: Allow what? We just got back from commercial break.
DJF: Are you in contempt?
CAad: No, I'm just confused....
DJF: Goodwill, continue

The scene was a courtroom. Cad was trying to get Goodwill's defendent behind bars, the elusive Bam-Bam. He was caught beating on Pebbles once again.

Goodwill: Judge DJF, I call upon the final witness, THE GHOST THAT NEVER LIES!
DJF: See, that's what I was allowing.
Cad: Oh great, this should be good.
Goodwill: Only I can see or hear the ghost that never lies your honor.
DJF: WOrks for me
Goodwill: Ghost That Never Lies, how are you doing today.
Cad: Your honor, this is complete crap
DJF: I will not have that language in my courtroom young man
Cad: But your honor...
DJF: Goodwill, continue with your crap
Goodwill: Ghost, can you point at the person you saw beating Pebbles? Hey, why are you pointing at me, you moron! STOP IT!
Cad: Wow, I never knew he was that stupid.
DJF: Baliff, arrest this man!
Goodwill: I'm going to kill you Ghost!
Bam-Bam: BAM BAM BAM BAM!

The prehistoric orphan vaulted over the table, and proceeded to 'Bam-Bam' Goodwill for the beating of his wife.

Cad: HA! Take that!

---

VVD, Ice, and Houde walked down the street, and Ice was gawking.

Ice: Is that a...
Houde: Yes Ice, it's a bush...
Ice: And is that a real...
VVD: Yes Ice, it's a real camel's toe
Ice: Wow, thats a...
Houde: Yup, a furburger.
Ice: This place is so cool!

A cloud of smoke seperated from another cloud and headed towards the group.

Fuzzy Birds: Hiya, you must be Houde
Houde: Yes, please to meet you Fuzzy Birds, these are my associates, VVD and Ice. Oh, and here's th epic we have of the foot.
Fuzzy Birds: Nice to see you guys, I need to warn you though, Amseterdam has a way of affecting people, and they tend to get distracted. I've been here...

Fuzzy Birds stopped as he realized the trio wasn't listening to him, they were all bopping to the same beat.

Fuzzy Birds: See, no one thinks it'll get them, and it does, I'll chedck this out, you guys enjoy yourself.

A beat is heard, slow, subtle, then all of a sudden, Houde and Ice put on baseball caps tilted to the side, and VVD steps forward to sing.

To the Tune of Kid Rock's Wasting Time

VVD: I'm a pimp
Houde: You can his stats.
VVD: And knocking some homies, that's where I'm at
Ice: He smacks all the joes, so the world knows
VVD: That I love all the jabs, and talk all the smack.
I show love to those, who deserve it,
But punch all the bastards so just deal with it
Houde: He can verbally smack a girl
And then drink about fifteen Heinekins
Then make fun of her fatness again!
VVD: I'm not ashamed of what I am but if I was
I'd ask to have some more love
I'm puffing a doobie, drinking a four-oh
The name's VVD, and I'm gonna let you know!

Houde:We be sittin' here just wastin' time
Drinking, smoking, thinking, trying to free our minds
We be sittin' here just wastin' time
Drinking, smoking, trying to free our minds

Ice pulls out one beer, and drinnks half of it, shotgun style, he begins to sway back and forth, and the music changes.

The girl's come out from buidlings, forming backup dancers, lights begin to flash on and off in tune with the music, Ice pushes Houde and VVD out of the way, and lands on a street cooblestone

It lights up, in fact, anything he touches lights up.

To the tune of Billie Jean

Ice:Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son

Ice began to get woozy, and looked around then fainted.

Houde and VVD catch him before he hits the ground, and drags him off.

The dancers go back to their houses, the lights turn mostly off, but music still persists.

Three cardboard boxes come out from around the corner

The lead one is humming the tune to Mission Impossible.

TGO: Do do dodo, do do dodo
Random: TGO: The music stopped...
TGO: DODODOD!
Random: Please, stop it, they'll hear us
TGO: You can't tell me what to do
Entropy: That was some good music.

His cardboard box sways back and forth as he dances under it.

Entropy: Billie Jean is not my lover...
TGO: Random, stop singing.
Random: It wasn't me, it was you two
TGO: DO NOT BLAME ENTROPY, HE'S AWESOME, IN FACT HE 'S MORE AWESOME THAN YOU
Entropy: Booya, by the way, Billie Jean is not my lover...
TGO: RANDOM! STOP SINGING!
Random: I get paired with the three stooges here.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

Private Fuzzy Birds eventually found the three American cops, passed out in front of a pastry shop. Going inside, he grabbed a glass of cold water, and walk out. He threw it on them.

Houde: Gwathahshthwurg
Fuzzy Brids: Glad to see your awake.
Ice: Everybody, rocks my body
VVD: Stop singing, or I shall teach you the word of VVD
Houde: Gragutha

Houde put up his hand indicating on minute. He spit, and three quarters of a brownie came out of his mouth.

Houde: Ah, better, those brownies were lethal man.
VVD: So good though, and fudgy
Ice: I rock my body
Houde: What's the word Fuzzy Birds
Fuzzy Birds: Found another picture, this time of a knee.
VVD: White boy, one more lyric and I'm going to end you
Ice: EVERYBODY!
VVD: THat's it!

The two fo them began running around in circles.

Fuzzy Birds: On the back it says to go to New Zealand to find the next clue.
Houde: Alright, I guess we are heading towards New Zealand.

Ice slipped on Houde's spit out brownie, and skids across the ground. He slams into three cardboard boxes.

One of them had a trophy on it's head.

TGO: OH NO! He found uis out using his detective skills.
Random: Idiot, the boxes were still covering us, we would have gotten away if you stayed quiet.
Entropy: Random, Ice obviously discovered us using his supreme policy skills.
Random: DOn't you mean policing.
Entropy: Don't correct me
TGO: Entropy is obviously right, quick, ATTACK!

The three criminals stood up and assumed a karate pose.

Ice scrambled away, and ran into VVD.

Ice: People just tried to mug me!
VVD: Who?

He looked around the corner at the three criminals.

TGO: Scream before my might!
VVD: And you are?
TGO: I'm TOG!
Random: Why do I work for this guy?
TGO: And tremble BEFORE MY MIGHT!
VVD: YEah, I got that whole part, tremble, sure, let's go *****es.
TGO: Such foul language!
Random: You swear all of the time
TGO: Random, you are such a SON OF A MOTHERLESS GOAT! I respect the swear filter! RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!
Random: Yeah, this is getting lame.
Entropy: ANyone seen my trophy?
Random: Well, is this it?

Random holds up Entropy''s trophy.

Entropy: Yes, thank you....

Random swings it and hits Entropy in the head, and then TGO. They both fall.

Random: I'm done with them. Well Mr. VVD, what do we do now?

VVD walks over to Random.

VVD: Teach you the word of VVD.
Random: Oh crap....

---

In a plane

Houde: I think he's coming too...

Random opened his eyes to find himself on a buisness class seat on a generic airplane. Ice, VVD and Houde stood around him. VVD raised his hand and Random flinched.

Random: I'll be nice Daddy!

VVD rubbed his eyes.

VVD: Calm down, I didn't know...
Random: About time someone told you.
Ice: I don't get it, he's been undercover for how long?
Houde: A few years now.
Random: At the behest of E I was to inflitrate a gang known as the Randoms. They finally made me there leader right before Moonmaster took over the crime sydincate.
Houde: So you stayed undercover?
Random: Yes, and I have important information for you guys, I know where Bass is planning, TGO knew the whole time, wait, where are they?
Houde: Back in luggage.
---

TGO: Damn that Random, he foiled my plans!
Entrophy: Fear not TGO, we shall overcome.
TGO: Yeah, how?
Entrophy: We can crashed the plane.
TGO: We are tied up you idiot!
Entrophy: Don't yell at me, you hurt my feelings.
TGO: Criminals don't have feelings, that's our MO!
Entrophy: Oh...rright....
TGO: SO, your plan?
Entrophy: Well, we can escape from the police man clutches and release some snakes on the plane!

TGO paused

TGO: That sound like some stupid movie, so no, we go to my plan, we escape and cut the fuel line!
Entrophy: But th eplane will crash
TGO: So?
Entrophy: With us on it.
TGO: NO ONE MESSES WITH TGO!
Entrophy: And from the looks of the plan, no one will mess with you again...

TGO and Entrophy work on their binds to free themselves.
---
Houde: I can;t believe he's there, I would have never looked for him there...
VVD: Now that I know where he is, it's so obvious...
Ice: I really miss nigma....

The got a look from each of the policemen.

Ice: I do...

Suddenly the plane lurched.

Houde: What was....

Alarms sprang up from everywhere, and the plane began it's descent....TO CRASH!

Houde: OH NO!
VVD: I Can't punch the ground and save everyone! Stupid plane!
Ice: NO! Someone is going to take my makeup collection!
Random: I just became a good guy again!

The plane hit the ground.

----

MEanwhile, in the cells

Baxter: Ah Robin, that feels nice.
Ultimate Quicksilver: I hate the jails around here, I feel so trapped.
Slimjim: I hate you, and the fact you keep stealing from me!
Dr. Strangefate: I'm glad you like your new haircut Baxter, it suits you.
Baxter: Sometimes Robin, I wish I was a pedophile and gay so I could touch you the wrong way
Slimjim: My god that was a sentence I never needed to hear.
Ultimate Quicksilver: You americans are weird.
Moonmaster: Someone let me out of this cage, the guy in here is crazy!
Watcher: Oh look, I found pictures in my pocket. Here's on of Kirsten Kruenk, and here's one of a chicken, and here's one of a Fred guy...I think...it's blurry but people will believe me online...
Moonmaster: You foolish mortal, that's not Fred guy...THAT'S BASS! He went into hiding, and I got him now! Slimjim, I need a plan to get out of here
Slimjim: About time, well guys, I need a booby pin, some timfoil, a rack, three hotsdogs, a Jay-Z album, toothpaste, and finally, a crowbar.
Ultimate Quicksilver: Dude, we're in a jail, they don't let people in jail with those type of items.
Dr. Strangefate: I got it all, here ya go
Baxter: It was in his toolbelt.

Slimjim shudders and assembles his device.

Slimjim: Everyone stand back, I have no idea how far the explosion will go...

 

[Ultimate Houde]

The ruins of a plane....somewhere...

Houde: Where are we?
VVD: I think somewhere tropical dumbass. And nighttime at that.

VVD was pissed, He was flying in a plane, which crashed, only his compatriots lived, and now they were stuck on some tropical island. That, and he already punched the lights out of various animals that gave him weird looks.

The island was learning to fear VVD.

Ice: Guys....I hear something.
Random: Where?

The four cops come up over the mountain top to see something massive. A castle was there, being seiged by a bunch of monsters it seemed.

Houde: What? How did we get here?
VVD: You know where we are?
Houde: New Zealand, of course.
Ice: We need to save those people.
VVD: I'm in a surly mood, so I'm on it.

Cocking back his fist, he ran down the hill, straight into the monsters.

Random: This is the filming of Two Towers, isn't it?
Houde: Yea
Ice: People are dying out there!
Houde: Ice, it's a movie, relax.

VVD screamed out with joy.

VVD: Take that you monkies!

Random: Yeah, so anyway, we need to get to Bass' apartment.
Houde: Why?
Random: Cause, that's where he is.
Houde: I knew I forgot something!
Ice: And you say your the smart one.
Houde: I am. None of you guys thought of knocking on his apartment door.

Behind them, two bushes scurried away.

One of them had a trophy on it's head.

TGO: Soon Entrophy, Soon we shall do what we set out to do!
Entrophy: I can hardly wait. SOon it will be time.
TGO: TO KILL BASS!

---

The jails

An explosion. Rubble rained down on the prisoners as SlimJim's device worked, blowing out a hole in the wall.

SlimJim: Freedom!
Moonmaster: Let's us go forth, and find Bass so that I may kill him for what he has done!
Dr. Strangefate: Oh my, I can finally get my makeup updated, and, oh boy, I can save that man from wearing plaid.
Baxter: Quick, I need to get to the batcave!
Ultimate Quicksilver: Ten bucks mate, I can get you there in five minutes.

Ultimate Quicksilver jumped out the hole.....

...and plummeted ten stories.

SlimJim: Oh damn, that was whack!
MoonmasteR: Slimjim you idiot, now, build me a teleportation device so I won't end up as a road pizza, and be quick about it.
Slimjim: Why don't we use the fire escape.

He pointed at the fire escape right next to them.

The assembled criminals and one crazy mayor made their way down the stairs, eventually coming to the bottom. They looked at Ultimate Quicksilver, who was imbedded in the pavement.

Moonmaster: Has he crapped his pants yet. I hear when dead guys die, they crap their pants.
Slimjim: They make diapers for that
Baxter: Come Robin, we shall...Robin?

Dr. Strangefate was in the middle of the street, metrosexualizing the population of New York once more.

Moonmaster: Let us make use of this distraction, come Slimjim, time to get Bass back for what he has done!
Slimjim: Oh boy!

They ran off, leaving a Baxter looking on at Dr. Strangefate's actions.

Baxter: You know, he isn't acting like Robin...

Meanwhile, back in the jail cell looking down the hole was Watcher.

Watcher: No one is going to believe this.

On the street, Ultimate Quicksilver crapped his pants.

---

JFK Airport

The plane landed, and Houde, VVD, Ice, and Random all walked out. They were walking in slow motion, and a dramatic wind blew by, waving their clothes all dramatic like. They stop and all face the camera.

Houde: Let's do this.

Each of them put on sunglasses, and they walk off, still dramatic like.

But, as usual, Ice ruins it.

Ice: Um Houde, I ain't walking all the way to Bass'. And why are we acting like we are in a Bruckheimer movie? Like Bad Boys or something.
VVD: Damn Ice, I'm going to smack you silly.

VVD goes to punch Ice reflexively when his hand is stopped in midair.

VVD: Who dares!

The hand holding VVD's turns out to be Nigma's.

Nigma: He's my partner, and I missed his blabbering. No one gets to smack him except me.
Ice: YAY!
Nigma: Shut up you whiny Hispanic boy.
Ice: You got it right!
Nigma: Yea yea yea, you guys need a ride?
Houde: Yup, going to Bass' apartment. Why you at the airport anyways?
Nigma: Chasing down some villains. They escaped from the jail, and right now Dr. Strangefate is nearby.
Houde: Good thing we got Ice then, since he….OH NO!

Dr. Strangefate appears on top of the roof of the airport, laughing manically.

Dr. Strangefate: Not even Ice is immune to my powers anymore! I have transcended past metrosexualizing men, I am now conducting their own fate!
Houde: That makes little sense.
Random: Like any of our criminals have cared about sense before.
VVD: Let me punch him
Nigma: You go to punch him, he'll metrosexualize you.
VVD: That sounds like it sucks
Nigma: In more ways than one.
Houde: Let's not take that suck joke too far people, this is a family show.
VVD: So what we gonna do, let him screw up men all over the world?

A stretch limo pulls up, and a man gets out. He runs over to the door and opens it, and out steps Baxter, except he no longer seems to be the misguided fool of previous episodes, he seems more focused now, his eyes are sharp, and in his Hawaiian shirt, he seems to embody coolness.

Baxter: You folks get out of here, I'll handle this.
Houde: But Mayor…
Baxter: GO! I shall make Dr. Strangefate realize the foolishness of his ways.
Dr. Strangefate: That old geezer! I could metro him in five minutes with my pinky.

VVD opens his mouth, but Houde shakes his head.

Houde: Family board.
VVD: BUT!
Houde: You'll just get censored. Everyone, let's get going, the mayor said he'll handle it.
Random: He's just a mayor though
VVD: Yea, but it looks like a man scorned.
Baxter: You used me, and now, I SHALL DEFEAT YOU!

Baxter opens his suit jacket to reveal a utility belt. An unseen wind ripples his clothes.

Dr. Strangefate: Batman???
Baxter: No, not Batman, I AM BAXTER!
***

As our cops hustled it to Bass' House, the nefarious Moonmaster and crew also hustled it to the house of Bass.

Moonmaster: We must get there quickly, that *** can't have occupied the cops for long!
Slimjim: I'm driving this thing as fast as I can.
Moonmaster: RUN FASTER!

Slimjim had stolen a rickshaw from someone, and was using it to cart Moonmaster around the streets of New York.

Moonmaster: You know Slimmy, this rickshaw is very pimped out, I wonder whose it is…

**

Meanwhile

Compound: Hey, Ourchair, I'll drive us to the McDonalds on my new, pimped out rickshaw.
Ourchair: What happened to your accent
Compound: Writer retconned it, anyways, you want a lift.
Ourchair: Sure man, let's go.

The two cops walk outside.

Compound: I can't believe it.
Ourchair: Man, I'm so sorry

Compound kneels down on the street and screams.

Compound: STEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRAAAAA!
Ourchair: Good to know that retcon didn't last long…
**

MoonmasteR: Seriously, this rickshaw is very very nice.
Slimjim: OH GAWD, WHAT IS THAT SMELL!!!!!!!

Slimjim loses control of the rickshaw, causing both people to crash into the street.

Moonmaster: Slimjim, why did you crash? Oh by the bowels of Hell, what is that smell?
Slimjim: It stinks man, it stinks!

TGO and entropy stood on the doorstep of E's house. TGO has his shoe off, and was digging inside of it. His socks, filthy and stained, were exposed to actual air for the first time in weeks.

TGO: The pebble in my show Entropy, it's very far in there.

Entropy looks like he's about to respond before his eyes roll into his head, and he falls down.

TGO: At least he didn't die.

Entropy crapped his pants.

TGO: I never knew I smelled that bad.
Moonmaster: TGO! Get your socks on right this minute!
TGO: BOSS! WHY ARE YOU HERE?
Moonmaster: You know why I'm here TGO! I'm here for one reason and one reason only!

Suddenly, Nigma pulls up in Baxter's limo. The five cops jump out.
Houde: Freeze mothers!
Moonmaster: Random, you work for the bad guys, how could you?
Random: What can I say, they have better benefits.
Moonmaster: Really?
Random: Hell ya, they have a great dental plan, and the eyecare plan is to die for!
Slimjim: Should we have TGO take his shoe off again?
Moonmaster: No, that's just not right.
TGO: I must go kill Bass, I MUST!
Houde: Which one of you asses sent me the pictures to keep me away from Bass' house, huh? Which one of you?
Moonmaster: That was me of course.
Houde: Why did you send them to Bass as well?
Moonmaster: Because, I wanted him to come to me.
Houde: WHY?
TGO: Enough of answers, I'm going to kill Bass.

TGO run up the flight of stairs, and stood at the top.

TGO: I AM GREATNESS PERSONIFIED!

Then, the door to Bass' apartment opened, which hit TGO, and he fell down the stairs.

TGO: THE PAIN!
Moonmaster: You didn't even get scratched.
TGO: MY KNEE! I NEED MY MOMMY!
Random: You guys see what I had to deal with.
Houde: VVD, shut him up.
VVD: FINALLY! UNCALLED FOR VIOLENCE!

VVD rushed over to hit TGO, and did so.

VVD: HUH? YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT YOUR GREATNESS NOW? WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

Houde: Well, that keeps VVD Occupied.
Nigma: Can we find something to keep Ice occupied, he keeps touching me.
Ice: Your denim feels so good though, were did you buy it?
Houde: We'll take care of that later, one crisis at a time
VVD: YOU WANNA CRY NOW?
TGO: You have issues.
VVD: YEAH, ISSUES WITH YOUR FACE!
Houde: Things tend to do this all the time, now Moonmaster, WHY DID YOU WANT BASS?
Moonmaster: Easily, because….

The door to Bass' apartment reopens, and everyone freezes, Moonmaster stops in midsentence, and everyone looks up to see Bass.
Kissing Famke.

Famke: Call me later
Bass: Sure thing babe.

She runs down the stairs, and passes everyone. VVD tips his hat to her before he kicks TGO one more time.

Ice: Why was he giving her mouth to mouth when she obviously didn't need it?
Nigma: Oh, Ice….I have so much to teach you
Ice: So, you're going to be my friend?
Nigma: Even more my little honkey, I will be your mentor
Ice: I'm Hispanic you know.
Nigma: Don't worry, we'll fix that too.
Houde: BASS!
Bass: Um…why is everyone here?
Houde: I got strange photos in the mail, and E told me you were in trouble, so I assembled this task force to find you
Bass: The metrosexual, someone with violence issues, someone who can't decide on which side he is on, and yourself.
Houde: The best task force in history.
Bass: I see that, isn't what VVD doing called police brutality.
VVD: I don't think so

He plucks another eyebrow hair from TGO's head.

Houde: That is strange.

VVD sees everyone looking at him oddly, so he punches TGO again.

TGO: OW!
VVD" See, I'm keeping him down.
TGO: That hurt!

Bass: Well, Houde, you could have called me.
Houde: That would have made to much sense.
Bass: Point, instead you went on a world hopping adventure I take it.
Ice: Yeah, and we all got to shop in the coolest of places.
Bass: Interesting
Moonmaster: Bass, did you do it!
Bass: Of course I did little bro.
Houde: Bass, if you're helping the enemy, I'm going to have to arrest you.
Bass: Nope, I'll helped him with something else.

Bass pulled out a stack of papers and handed them to Moonmaster, who looks at them.

Moonmaster: EXCELLENT!
Houde: What is that?
Bass: An application, Mooney needed help with it.
Houde: What's he applying for?
Moonmaster: To become a cop.
Houde: That makes absolutely no sense.
Bass: I know.
Slimjim: Damn, you mean I'm the only one here who commits crime? Fo' Realz yo?
Bass: Well, TGO does kill people.
TGO: HE KEEPS HITTING ME!
VVD: CAUSE YO WHINE, YOU STUCK UP PIG
TGO: BUT YOU'RE A PIG!
VVD: OH NO YOU DIDN'T!
Slimjim: Wellz, see ya guyz around!

Slimjim started to run away,

Bass: Moonmaster, your first case, catch Slmjim, it's a right of passage for all cops.
Moonmaster: Slimjim, COME BACK HERE!

Everyone laughs as the former crime boss now police recruit runs off after Slimjim,

A couple of days later

DIrishB wakes into the police station, looking for MWoF and Nurhachi.

DIrishB: Yo! You guys here!
MWoF: In here.
Nurhachi: And no one else is here.
DIrishB: You guys want me to come back later, after your sexfest
Nurhachi: We ain't having sex with each other, we're smoking some pot
DIrishB: Where is everyone?
Nurhachi: They are downtown, at the award ceremony for Random.
DIrishB: Then you know what time it is?
MWoF: What time is it?
DIrishB: 4:20 *****es!
Nurhachi: BOOYA!


Downtown

Baxter: And for his outstanding service in the police department, we award Random this trophy.

Bqaxter's new assistant, the recently defeated Dr. Strangefate who ius no longer terroizing the citizens of New York with his metrosexualizing ways, hands the trophy to Random. Houde leans over to whisper to Bass.

Houde: Do you think he notices they spelt Random wrong?
Bass: No, someone will point it out to him later, and he'll have to take it off his mantelpiece in shame.
Houde: Nice.

The screen goes black.

Pandrio walks into the blank screen, holding his keyboard.

He nods at the crowd, and opens up some curtains, revealing a huge organ. He smiles, a huge one. He throws his keyboard to the side and sits down.

DUN DUN