Law & Order: UC the Marathon

Ourchair returned a fw minutes later with information on the whereabouts of John Q. Public.

Ourchair: He's by the dicks.
Bass: The dicks?
Houde: Damn, we need a rundown of gay bath houses in New York.
Bass: Or we can just ask Project...
Houde: Funny.
Bass: Actually, I was being serious, Project analyzes data like that.
Houde: I got the joke man.
Ourchair: Oh, did I say dicks, I meant docks, sorry about that.

So after the confusion was rendered unconfused, the trio heading towards the dicks...I mean docks.

---

ProjectX2 continued his tailing of Hawkeye101 and Orson Scott Card as they protected the witness

ProjectX2: Man, these kids are boring, where at the zoo now.

He leans over the polar bear pit, and notices something odd.

Polar Bear: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea..
ProjectX2: I remember that voice...

ProjectX2 remembers where they have been the previous visits. First was the video arcade, then the children's book store, followed by the reading at the public library, and at each place, s person was singing that song.

ProjectX2:I'm on to you polar bear.
TGO (from behind th epolar bear): Oh crap. Um....GRRRR
ProjectX2: Oh, must have been my imagination.

He turns and walks away.

TGO: YES! I am a master assassin!


The polar bear gives him a look.

---

At the docks

Houde, BAss, and Guji arrive at the docks, in time to see the sun begin to set.

Houde: So Ourchair found some dock grease on the keychain, and it came from here.
Guji: How did you know he found that.
Bass: Why would he lie?
Houde: Yea, and Asians are really really smart and stuff
Bass: And I thin kit's against the Asian code to lie.
Houde: And they have slanty eyes.
Guji: Oh, ok, cool. But why would grease on a keychain we don't know who the actually keychain belongs to have to do with finding John Q. Public?

Silence

Houde: Cause it does....
Bass: Yea...

Suddenly a music interupts Guji's questioning. Sounding suspicously like "ROck Your Body", it is eminating from Bass' pocket.

Bass: Ice was playing around with my cell phone! I swear!
Houde: Sure he was.
Bass: He was!

Bass picks up the phone.

Bass: Hello?
Voice: Hey Bro, what's up!
Bass: Oh god, it's you.
Guji: Whose he talking to you?
Houde: His half brother, Moony.
Guji: What does Moony look like?
Houde: No idea, I never saw him.
Moony: Miss me Bro!
Bass: I doubt it. What's up?
Moony: I ask the questions bro, not you
Bass: I don't care, simply tell me what's going on? Why you calling me?
Moony: Cause, I heard your snooping around the docks.
Bass: So?
Moony: You may want to check out the dingy.
Bass: What exactly is a dingy?
Moony: No idea, but's its a funny I word, Ilike saying it. Dingy Dingy Dingy
Bass: ENOUGH!
Moony: Good luck bro! See ya around!

Bass goes to hang up the phone, when Houde shouts.

Houde: Found something
Bass: Let me guess, the dingy?
Houde: Yea, how's you know?
Bass: Lucky guess, what is it?
Guji: A dead body...

Bass looks shocked.

---

In the highest office of the Tall Tower

Moony hung up the phone, and idly played with his silver cane.

Stop thinking dirty people.

Anyways, he turned around slowly, his face shrouded in shadows.

Moony: Report
Entropy: We got foiled sir
Random: Yea, that E guy showed up, and started singing
Entropy: And his buddy hit the highest note I ever heard.

Moony laughed.

Moony: That's alright, by this time tomorrow, they'll know a new Kingpin is in town!

They all start laughing until Moony gives them a look.

Moony: Leave me, my favorite TV show is on, and NO ONE INTERUPTS MY LAGUNA BEACH!
 
Rhyo lifted up the sheet in the morque, and looked at the dead body found at the docks.

Rhyo: So, he is dead then.
Bass: With a note.

They had found a note tied around one of his wrists. It read.

TOG kiled this muther O YEA!

Bass: The spelling is horrible.
Houde: Project would flip his lid.
Rhyo: This TGO has done this before. Yet every note he leaves is always spelled differently.
Houde: TGO? But the note says TOG.
Rhyo: I did say his spelling sucked.
Guji: You Americans are weird, if this was Britian.
Rhyo (interupting): I'd be attracted to ugly men with bad teeth. This ain't Britian Shortcake, get over it. Alright, when E returns, tell him the search is off. And that I'll be taking his swivel chair.
Houde: That's just plain mean...
Rhyo: Keep talking Honeybuns, and I'll take yours as well.
Houde: Honeybuns....
Rhyo: Let's go boys, and we got ourselves two new swivels chairs.
Houde: Son of a motherless goat!
Guji: I'm in so much love right now...
---

Hawkeye101 and Orson Scott Card were excited.

They were in Chucky Cheese's, playing the go cart game and having the time of their life.

Neither of them notice how one of the robotic Chucky's began to move off it's track, and head towards Typhiodcat. They were too excited, they had seventh and eigth place in the racing game.

Out of eight.

The mouse's arm rose up, holding the banjo.

TGO (whispering): Got you girly!

Only to hear someone shout out behind him.

ProjectX2: Freeze, police!

The mouse froze.

TGO: Why won't you be my friend?
ProjectX2: Get out of that disguise, NOW!
OSC: I gonna get eigth!
Hawkeye101: SCORE!
TGO: I'm just a robotic mouse.
ProjectX2: Robotic mice don't sound human.
TGO (impersonating a machine): I AM JUST...
ProjectX2: Get out of the damn costume!
TGO: Damn you and your detectiving skills.
Hawkeye101: We both got eigth!
OSC: YAY!

They jump up and see ProjectX2 holding the gun to Chucky's head.

Hawkeye101: Hey, no one threatens Chucky!
OSC: Yea, no one.
Typhiodcat: Guys, I think he's about to kill me, that's why.
Hawkeye101: Get PROJECTX2!
ProjectX2: What?

The two idiot cops jump on ProjectX2. TGO takes his cue, and runs away, laughing.

Into a wall.

He still has enough time to stand up, stagger alittle, and run off cackling again.

ProjectX2: You let him get away!
Hawkeye101: Run free Chucky!
OSC: We saved someone!
Hawkeye101: We usually kill them!
OSC: YAY!
ProjectX2: I'm surrounded, by freaking idiots.
Typhiodcat: Now you know how I feel.

---

In E's Office

E: Sop, John Q. Public is dead.
Houde: Yup
E: You sure.
Bass: Yea, OurChair tried to run him around the building, didn't get too far.
E: I gotta tell him to stop doing that.
Guji: It is weird.

E double takes at Guji.

E: What are you still doing here?
Guji: Casue I'm in love with that hardass. And, well, I tested positive for British Teens.
E: Damn, and where's MWoF and Nur?
Bass: They got back, but needed to rest a few days.
E: Why is that?
Houde: They smoked too much.

---

Nur's apartment

Nur: I'm having withdrawal.
MWoF: Me too
Nur: I shouldn't have had my tenth.
MWoF: I know, that was too much poundage to smoke in that short time.

Nur gives MWoF a weird look.

Nur: Whose talking about weed?

---
Houde's and Bass' desks

Houde: Why didn't you tell E about your bro?
Bass: Cause, I'm going to deal with that little crap myself.
Houde: Oh, I see.

Just then Skotti walks up, wearing something short and sexy.

Skotti: Heard you had a rough day Houdey, I can help make it better?
Houde: Naw, I got things planned, sorry
Skotti: Damn you! Your ignoring me and now I want you so bad!

The office goes quiet.

Houde: Sorry toots, I'm over you.

Skotti slaps him.

Skotti: Now I feel better.

She walks away, and slaps her ***: Your never getting this.
Houde: Bu I don't want it.
Skotti: AUGH! MEN!

She turns the corner.

Bass: What was that all about? You constantly want her? Why the sudden change?
Houde: What change? You kidding me, she wants me more than ever right now. A few more weeks of this, and she'll be putty in my hands.
Bass: I think you missed that dude, she would have been putty in your hands tonight.
Houde: Naw, I never miss the signs.

From around the corner.

Skotti (yelling): BASS WAS RIGHT!
Houde: DAMN IT!

---

The the office of Tall Tower

A figure stood, listening to music.

He swayed back and forth to the beat.

Mooney: In the closet!

This figure, surprisingly enough, would be the new Kingpin of Crime in New York City.

As long as it didn't interupt his Laguna Beach.

The End
 
LawandorderAnn1.jpg

(Santa and Random Elf Chick on Cover)
 
The 82nd Precinct was decked to the halls with all sorts of goodies. Wreathes hung on every door, lights on all the stair rails, trees in the grand hall, and Houde was running around wearing a Christmas hat, and spreading Christmas cheer. It was his favorite holiday after all. And he planned on spreading his Christmas cheer to everyone, which including his partner, Bass.

After recent weeks, Bass has been forlorn, his half brother, Moonmaster, has taken over the criminal underworld, and has put him in an awkward position. And he also lost to Hawkeye101 in chess. He wasn't in the mood to celebrate Christmas, he wasn't in the mood for much of anything, and then Houde came skidding around the corner.

Houde: Merry Christmas!
Bass: No, not merry, merely adequatatious.
Houde: What?
Bass: Adequatatious, the state of being adequate.
Houde: You could have just said, I don't know, adequate.
Bass: I'm not in the mood
Houde: You need to cheer up, you know that? So what if your half brother murdered the former crimeboss and took over the criminal underworld, it's not like your related or something.
Bass: You realize that's a Hawkeye101 comment, you know that?

Suddenly a familiar yell echoed across the room.

E: HOUDE! GET YOU HAIRY WHITE BUTT IN HERE NOW!
Houde: I guess he found my decoration, gotta go!

Houde runs towards the source of the sound. Bass shakes his head, and decides it's time to do some patrol. He gets up and leaves. Houde enters E's office.

Houde: You like?

E calmly steps away from his desk, which is covered head to toe in the liquid fake snow. Cad is laughing his *** off behind them.

E: Do I like? Do I like?
Houde: Ya, do you?
E: You get like this every year, the moment Thanksgiving is over, you jump at the chance to start decorating for the Christmas party, and constantly try to make me actually like Christmas.
Houde: You like then?
E: You better get out of my sight and stay out of it, until the Christmas party tonight, cause if you don't, I'm going to do something….mean.
Houde (backing up): Oh, there wasn't even a fake threat in there, no insult, nothing….
E: No, there wasn't.
Houde: I'm out, see you at the party tonight.
E: Not after this fiasco you won't.
Houde: What?
E: GET OUT!

Houde runs out of the office.

Cad: Come on, the fake snow man even looks like you.

There is a lifesize fake snowman in the corner of the room, semi melting. E shakes his head.

E: I look nothing like Al Gore.
~~~

SlimJim found himself in a familiar situation.

He was being interviewed by ProjectX2.

ProjectX2: Name.
SlimJim: Slimmizzle.

ProjectX2 sighed wearily.

ProjectX2: Ok, let's skip the comedics of this okay? You speak to me in English, and not that strange dialect you speak. Comprende?
SlimJim: Indubitably
ProjectX2: Good, name
SlimJim: Charles Xavier Goodfellow the third.
ProjectX2: Wow, that's a big name.
SlimJim: YEA!
ProjectX2: Okay, what did you do this time Charles?
SlimJim: Well, I was in the process of robbing a small old lady, purely for the fun of it, when those two cops arrested me.
ProjectX2: Which two cops?
SlimJim: Those new ones, Ice and Nigma.
ProjectX2: Did they argue?
SlimJim: You mean they don't?
ProjectX2: Well, at least you'll be in jail for the Christmas party.
SlimJim: I was here last year, it was great.
~~~

At Ice's Desk

Ice: So Nig, you coming to the Christmas party?
Nigma: My name is Nigma, stop calling me stupid pet names.
Ice: Cause if your not coming, then I don't wanna.
Nigma: What the hell am I? I'm your partner, not your friend.
Ice: Why do you always say that? Look at Nurhachi and MWoF, they are friends.
Nigma: That's cause they share interests. Mainly booze and weed.
Ice: Don't forget about that cannabis, but that's not the point. What about Houde and Bass, they're friends.
Nigma: Do you see them hanging out anytime after work hours?
Ice: They are always working.
Nigma: Yes, yes they are, and since they are partners, they are always working together. Now, stop talking to me, I'm trying to finish up this report.

A few minutes pass in silence.

Ice: So, you going?
Nigma: I hate you so much right now…
~~~

In OurChair's Forensic Department

Houde continues to run around the precinct, throwing up random decorations. His movement causes him to run into OurChair and Compound's room. He pauses once he sees what's on the screen.

Houde: I don't think you guys can look at that stuff during work.
OurChair: We can't?
Compound: Me likey cow pie!
Houde: Yes, we all know that Compound, but come on, you guys are looking at porn chicks, at work.
OurChair: PG chicks
Houde: PG?
Compound: Cause me likey gasses.
Houde: Gasses?
OurChair: He means glasses, he's got a hard on for this chick in a comic, Gerd someone
Compound: GERT!
Houde: Wow, he's mean when you insult his chicks.
OurChair: Which is about every PG chick on the planet.
Houde: Anyways, going to the Christmas party?
OurChair: Actually, we are going too a party at a club tonight
Compound: To get us sum cow pie!
OuChair: Well, what he said.
Houde: Damn it you people, no one's coming to my party!
~~~

Outside, on the Brooklyn Bridge

Bass was letting his feet walk for him as he thought about what his half brother has become.

He paused to look up, and saw something and he instinctively reacted.

Bass: DON'T JUMP!

The bum who was about to jump turned to look at Bass.

Bum: Why not?
Bass: Cause it's not worth it.
Bum: What's not?
Bass: Damn it, where's Skotti? She's more effective at talking people down off bridges.
~~~

Flashback, two months ago

Skotti: Get down off the building!
Jumper: NO!
Skotti: Get down here, or I'm going to use the elevator, and then throw your butt off that building myself!
Jumper: Why are you yelling at me!
Skotti: Cause, you're an idiot, now GET OFF THE DAMN BUILDING AND STOP HOLDING UP TRAFFIC!
~~~

Bass shakes his head.

Bum: You done? I'm a bum, on Christmas Eve, and I don't want your pity, or help.
Bass: Can it be that bad?
Bum: I don't know, have you ever lived in a world where you don't exist?
Bass: Not really, since I'm here and all
Bum: Such an Ellis answer. Alright Mr. Bass, well, now you do.
Bass: What?
Bum: My name's Curly Mr. Bass, and I'm your angel.
Bass: You're drunk
Curly: So? I'm a drunk and an angel, what the hell where you expecting? Clarence, Gabe, Micheal? No, you get me Mr. Bass.
 
Bass: Okay, you're a plain freaking weirdo.
Curly: Maybe, enjoy the town of New York Bass, enjoy.
Bass: Whatever.

He walks away mumbling to himself about crazy drunk bums.

He goes to walk to the 82nd precinct to pick up his car, when he notices the first change. He sees SlimJim near a hotdog cart.

Bass: Step away from the cart, POLICE!
SlimJim: Is this a joke officer?
Bass: HANDS ON THE GROUND NOW SLIMJIM!
SlimJim: Who is SlimJim? Me name is Charlie man, its Charlie.
Bass: You can't fool me.

Suddenly Bass hears commotion from across the street.

Random and Entropy appear, dressed as cops.

Random: Hey! Where's you badge officer!

Bass looks confused, but hands over his badge anyways. Random looks at it, and laughs.

Random: Is this some type of joke?
Entropy: Yea, is it punk? There's no such precinct as the 82nd precinct.
Random: I think we are going to have to take you downtown.
Bass: Oh my god! A rampaging elephant!

Random and Entropy both turn around, and Bass runs. Only to get tripped up by SlimJim.

SlimJim: That's for trying to arrest my officer
Random: Good work citizen. Come on Bass, let us escort you to prison.

Bass got handcuffed, and dragged away.

From a corner, a man shook his head.
~~~

At the Tall Tower

Bass: This is the Tall Tower. Why are you bringing me here, the 65th is closer.
Random: Because, faker, this is the only police station in the city
Bass: How can youguys keep crime down in the city?
Entropy: Why would we want to keep crime down. Hell, your the first person we arrested in a few years.

Bass was taken roughly out of the cab, and manhandled to the front desk of the Tall Tower.

Random: Hey Skotti babe, we got a man for you, one of the fakers again.

Skotti looked very much the same as she does in the real world.

Skotti: Another one? Well, throw him in the damn cells with the others.
Entropy: You heard the lady.

~~~

In the cells

Bass was roughly pushed into the cells by Random, and saw five other people. One of them was holding a broken keyboard, one was smoking...something, and two of them was whispering in the corner.

The last one was trying to punch through the wall.

Bass: Oh my...Nur, MWoF?

The two who were whispering to each other look up at Bass

Nur: Dude, go away
MWoF: Yea, we don't know you

Bass looks at the one smoking.

Bass: DIrishB?
DIrishB: Yea, you got weed man? I'm having withdrawals man, I've been stuck here for so long, and I'm stuck smoking toothpicks man, MINT TOOTHPICKS!

He begins to scratch himself.

Doc Comic: I'm a chosen child, my father is CAD! FROM THE PLANET MILLAR!
Bass; Oh my, Doc, stop punching the wall before you hurt yourself.
Doc Comic: I'm a GOD!

He continues to punch the wall.

Bass: What is going on? WHo are you.

The man with the broken keyboard shakes his head.

Pandrio: My name is Pandrio, and they broke my keyboard.
Bass: That sucks, I guess, hey, Nur, we need a plan to get out of here.
Nur: Stop talking to me, he'll come.
Bass: Who?

From upstairs came a familar yell.

E: STOP TALKING DOWN THERE MAGGOTS!
Bass: E, is that you?

E, for lack of a better word, waddled down the stairs. He looked up at BAss with contempt.

e: You dare speak my name maggot?
Bass: E, it's me, hows your wife?
E: My wife? How are you talking about?
Bass: Eleanor.
E: Eleanor? The only Eleanor I know is married to the mayor of New york, Mooney. The one who has made this town a crime filled city.
Bass: E, listen to me, I need to get out of here. I just need too.
E: I don't think so kid.

As E turned, Nur's hand shot out between the bars and grabbe dhim by the throat. Pulling the porky E against the bars, he began to coke him.

Nur: MWoF: Get the keys.

MWoF grabbed the keys. At the same moment, Doc Comic decided to help, and started to punch E in the kidneys.

Doc Comic: Die you evil mod!

MWoF unlocked the door, and DIrish B ran out. He began to burn E with the toothpick he was smoking.

DIrishB: Take this, mint damn toothpicks, MINT!

Pandrio started to hit E with his broken keyboard.

Bass looked at the horror, and ran out of the Tall Tower. He could remember the final notes of the keyboard as they smashed in E's skull.

DUN DUN
~~~

Bass found himself in front of a corner bar around 11 o'clock at night. Curly wandered up to him.

Curly: So, how's finding out your brother rules New York with an iron fist treating you?
Bass: Take me home
Curly: Sorry, one way trip
Bass: What?
Curly: One way, I don't have my wings yet, I can't go two ways
Bass: What a fun guardian angel you are
Curly: You should have a drink
Bass: No I shouldn't, I stay away from the stuff
Curly: Maybe you should start.

Bass turns around when he notices Curly staring at something. On the corner bar was a neon sign flashing.

Houde's Chili Dog Shack.

Curly: They have the best on the street.

He walks into the bar.

Bass: Well, what do I have to lose.
 
Bass looked up at the sign, and laughed to himself, Houde always talked about opening up a Chili Dog Shack in college. In fact, it was one of the things he first talked about when they were roommates together at Empire State University.

~~~
Flashback

Houde walked into the dorm room, holding a case of snapple, a bag of clothes and a head full of dreams. He was coming off of puberty, squeaky voice, pimply face, and gangly looking. His thick glasses hung from his face, way too big for it. He entered the room and completely ignored the other occupant, as he threw his stuff on his bed.

The other occupant was Bass, and he was the definition of coolness. Hair in dreads, a permament half cocked smile, a pair of sunglasses tilted ever so slightly, and a voice that made females melt.

And he decided he was going to get a new roommate.

Houde: Hiyah!

Bass looked at him uninterestedly.

Bass: What's up?
Houde: I love that commercial too, WHASSSUUUPPPP!!!

Bass shook his head.

Bass: Ha, anyways, I'm going out tonight to a party.
Houde: Cool! I'm going to stay in the room and get settled.

Bass looks at the case of snapple and the one bag of clothes.

Bass: Settled?
Houde: Yeah! I'm going into buisness
Bass: Really? Doing what I may ask?
Houde: Opening a Chili Dog Shack?
Bass: Really?
Houde: Yes

Bass, needless to say, was semi-intrigued.

Bass: Okay, what's the deal with the shack?
Houde: The angle man, would be the donut ship part of it.
Bass: What? I thought this is a Chili Dog Shack?
Houde: Oh yes, but it also has a donut shop.
Bass: Why?
Houde: To distract the police man. From the other 'operations'.
Bass: And those would be?
Houde: The whorehouse, and the coke lab in the basement. COme on now, would anyone make money off a chili dog shack?
Bass: And just how would the donut shop stop the cops from finding out?
Houde: Dude, have you ever seen a cop walk past a donut and not stop?

Bass laughed and it was that moment he decided to give this Houde a chance, even if he does look dorky.
~~~
Present

Bass chuckled, and entered the bar.

It was a small place, but well clean and lit. Of Curly there was no sign of, but Bass kinda suspected that as well. He heard a noise in the background, followed by a muffled yelp.

Bass: You okay?

The voice responded with a high pitched yes before it limped into the room. Even though Houde looked like a dork when he first entered college, his body did catch up to him, and his looks were better. At least in this reality, he looked the same.

Houde: Yea, I'm fine, just stubbed my toe, on the door.

Bass laughed again, Houde was a klutz. Bass walked over to the bar.

Bass: Can I get a Sprite?
Houde: Heavy drinker you are huh?
Bass: Don't drink at all, I came here from the advice of a friend.

Houde poured the sprite and handed it to Bass.

Houde: You seem to have something on your mind, what's up?
Bass: Well, I was apolice officer this morning, and now, I'm nobody.
Houde: Got fired huh? I had aspirations of becoming a police officer once.
Bass: I remember.
Houde: What?
Bass: Nothing.
Houde: It was back in college.

~~~
Flashback

Houde, this year a junior, looked over at Bass.

Houde: Dude, buisness sucks ***.
Bass: I hear ya
Houde: You wanna become cops instead. Maybe we could be gritty dectectives.
Bass: Sounds like a plan.
Houde: Cool
Bass: I so want a chief who yells at us, it be awesome!
Houde: Oh hell ya.
Bass: I hope he has a sexy secretary
Houde: Like Skotti, she be awesome.
~~~

Bass: What happened?
Houde: My roommate was against it, so I didn't bother.
Bass: Who was your roommate?
Houde: The mayor, Moonmaster
Bass: I thought his name was Mooney?
Houde: You must have knew him during college. Once he became the crime boss, he changed his name, to Moonmaster.

Houde gives Bass a critical look.

Houde: You do look like him
Bass: We're half brothers.
Houde: Oh

Houde wiped a glass for a minute.

Houde: You know something there stranger.
Bass: What?
Houde: Your wanted by Mooney, and his men. Hell, he put a mark on you. In fact, I already called them when you were outside on the curb.
Bass: What?
Houde: Wish I didn't, you seem like a nice guy and all. They'll hurt you, and make you wish you were dead before killing you. I really shouldn't be doing this, but it is Christmas time, and once, I use to love the holidays. Go out the back, and run.
Bass: What will they do to you?
Houde: They same they would have done to you.

A car pulls up to the bar.

Houde: The back, GO!
Bass: Okay.

Bass made a run for it, and when he got out back, he heard a gun shot.

Bass: Damn it!

He ran.
~~~

Eventually his running found him on the bridge once more, were it all started. He looked down at the frigid waters.

Bass: I don't belong here.

He stood up on the railing.

Bass: I really don't.

He put his arms out straight.

Lady: DON'T JUMP!
Bass: Why not? I don't belong here anymore.
Lady: Because, Curly came and got me to help.
Bass: What?

Bass opened his eyes to see a woman wearing a fleece coat, and holding a backpack, standing there with a smile on her face.

Bass: Who are you?
Lady: My name is Seldes, and let's say, I'm Curly's boss. Here, let me help you down, we need to go one more place. Then you can make your decision.
 
Bass walked side by side with Seldes in silence, and eventually, their destination came into view. It was an old house, an orphange.

Bass: This was my old orphange.
Seldes: Yes, you and your brother grew up in here, correct?
Bass: Yay, then I left cause I got adopted without him.
Seldes: In this world, he never had your influence, and instead of becoming a bumbling villian, he became a full fledged villian.
Bass: But he killed that guy.
Seldes: He didn't TGO did. He may have ordered it, but what do you expect, he's a bad guy you know.
Bass: I want to go home.
Seldes: As long as you realize what I'm trying to show you
Bass: That I'm important in the scheme of things.
Seldes: Yup, now, you live life to the fullest, even if it means to help your friend throw a Christmas party, no matter how dorky it is.
Bass: Okay, so , how do I get back.
Seldes: Men, always rushing things.

She touched Bass on the chest.

Bass: Ow.

He feels another thump

Bass: That hurt.

Then everything went black.
~~~

Bass opened his blurry eyes to see the face of Curly bending down to give him a kiss.

Bass: AH!

Bass pushes Curly away from him.

Bass: What the hell are you trying to do.
Curly: Hey boss, he's moving again.
Bass: Boss?

Bass looks over to see Seldes wearing a EMT uniform. He realizes Curly is wearing the same type.

Bass: Seldes?
Seldes: Sir, are you okay? You slipped on that nasty piece of ice right there.
Bass: Slipped on ice?
Seldes: Yea, you knocked yourself out. My partner over here has the tendency to deliver CPR even when people don't need it.
Curly: It woke him up, didn't it.
Bass: Can I go?
Seldes: 'Friad not, the Ambulance is coming, we need to make sure you don't have any concussions.
Bass: I need to! I HAVE TO SAVE CHRISTMAS!

Bass realized the rest of the people on the street kinda gave him a weirdo look.

Seldes: I'm sorry sir, but Christmas is going to have to wait.
Bass: IT CAN'T WAIT!
Seldes: It's not for another few days though sir, surely you can wait a couple of hours.
Bass: I CAN'T!

He jumps to his feet, knocks Curly down, even though Curly wasn't making a move to stop him, and runs off cackling.

Bass: I'M COMING HOUDE!
~~~
DIrishB's Bungalow

Nur and MWoF called upon DIrishB and Doc Comic.

Doc Comic: Wow, you guys got me a cool looking trenchcoat, thanks!
Nur (whispering): That's my trenchcoat
MWoF (whispering): I know man, but I felt bad, we didn't get him anything.
Doc Comic: This is awesome!
MWoF: And he's so happy right now.
Nur: And for our favorite Drunk Irish Bastard, we got...

Nur's phone rang.

Nur: Hold on, it's Bass, Hello?
Bass: Nur, get to the police station
Nur: Why?
Bass: Christmas party
Nur: We are hanging out at DIrishB's right now man.
Bass: And how's that suasage fest going.
Nur: Point, can we bring the green stuff?
Bass: Yes, now get down there.

Nur hangs up the phone.

Nur: Guys, bring the weed, it's party time at the police station.
Doc Comic: YAY!
DIrishB: I still want my gift....
MWoF: I hope Bass brings booze.
~~~

Bass hung up the phone, and was about to call OurChair's, when he saw the Asian man standing outside a club with Compound.

Bass: What's up guys?
OurChair: We can't get into the club.
Bass: Why?
Compound: Me no likely rures
Bass: What?
OurChair: He says they wouldn't let us in, because we were too short, we didn't pass the height test.

Bass looks over and sees the white line on the door.

Bass: Hold on.

He walks over to the bouncer who goes to keep him back.

Bass: May I interest you in some Christmas spirit?

The bouncer looks at Bass oddly.

Bass punches him in the face, and the bouncer drops.

Bass: Be right back.

Compound: He's my hero.
OurChair: Wow...

Bass comes walking back out,m followed by a stream of ladies.

Bass: And these are my friends, OurChair and Compound, they're going to show you where the party's at.
Random females: THey are so CUTE!
Compound: Would you like recipe for cream os sum young gai soup?
Random Females: And they can cook too.
OurChair: Let's go, to the 82nd Precinct!

Bass picked up his phone once more.
~~~

Ice: Hey Nig, it's Ice, I was wondering what your doing right now, I'm waiting for you to call me back....

Nigma deleted the message, and sighed theatrically.

Nigma: He is so weird.

The phone rang again, and Nigma picked up the phone.

Nigma: Listen you flipping twit, I'm not your fri...
Bass: Nigma, it's Bass
Nigma: Oh sorry, what's up?
Bass: Call Ice, and get your *** over to the precicnt.
Nigma: Do I have to
Bass: Yes, and dammit, be friends to him
Nigma: Why?
Bass: Cause if your not, I'll be showing you some of my special Christmas spirit.
Nigma: Okay, okay!
~~~

Bass arrived at his last destination, and his hardest to convince. He got everyone else to agree they were coming, and now he needed to get the final piece.

E.

He walked over to the door, and knocked on it.

Child: Coming!

Bass raised an eyebrow, he knew E had kids and all, but he's never seen them other than photos on a desk. A small girl opens the door.

Girl: Hello, are you Ice-T?
Bass: Common mistake, but no, it your Dad home?
Girl: Yea, hold a sec.

She shut the door.

A few minutes later E opens it.

E: What's this about?
Bass: Come to the party
E: No
Bass: Why not?

From the background, A woman walks out, holding E's baby and little girl, smiles as she passes Bass, and leads the children out.

Bass' other eyebrow raises.

Bass: Oh, so you and wife give teh kids to the sister, and your going to have relantions.
E: Yes, now go.
Bass: Nope, not until I can convince you to come.
E: And how do you plan to do that?

A few minutes later E wholeheartedly agreed, taking the package from Bass, and shutting the door.

Bass ran for the station.
~~~

Houde sat on the empty steps to the empty station.

Houde: Merry Christmas, to me....

He blew on a squaker forlonly.

Houde: Merry Christmas to me....

He then heard a commotion from down the street. Cars began pulling up, and people began walking to the street.

Houde: Nur? MWoF? DIrishB? Doc?
MWoF: We're here to party man!
Nur: Get the greens out!
DIrishB: They brought me my own hooker!

And sure enough, a hot flossy babe on his arm.

Babe: I'm from Amsterdam ya.
Houde: Nice
Doc Comic: And they got me a trenchcoat!
Houde: Isn't that your trenchcoat?
Nur: Shush

Behind Nur was OurChair, Compound, and the gaggle of club dressed girls.

Houde: HOLY TATAS!
OurChair: Holy tatas indeed!

Compound's grin was threatening to overtake his face

Houde: What happened?
OurChair: Some Christmas spirit, say hello to Houde ladies, he's defeated bad guys.
Random Females: Aw, he's so cute!

Behind them came Nigma and Ice.

Ice: I'm so glad you called me.
Nigma: Yea, just, you know, stop acting so dorky around me alright.
Ice: Hey, check out th ebutt on that girl
Nigma: Your straight?

Houde grinned, allowing people in. Finally, A car drove up really fast, and skidded to a stop in front of the station.

Houde: E?

E stepped out wearing a Santa outfit. His wife stepped out, wearing a Mrs. Claus outfit, that was very nice looking.

E: MERRY CHRISTMAS! WHERE'S MY ELVES!

Hawkeye101 and Orson Scott Card stepped out of the back of the car in elf outfits.

Hawkeye101: PRESENT TIME!
OSC: YAY!

They ran inside, Houde followed.

The party was in fullswing, a culminous cloud of smoke was eminating around DIrishB, and the ladies that came with OurChair and Compound where dancing with everyone, and everyone was smilingly. Bass walked up behind Houde, and clapped him on the shoulder.

Houde: You came, I'm surprised.
Bass: I had a change of heart.

Houde felt a prescene of someone else on his other side. Turning around, Skotti planted a kiss on him.

Skotti: Standing under a mistletoe.

He looks up to see Bass' hand holding a mistletoe above his head.

Houde: I love Christmas.

E was throwing gifts left and right, yelling.

E: HO HO HO!

Houde: How did you get him to come?
Bass: I told him that him and his wife could keep the costumes.

A lull in music caused Houde to shout.

Houde: GOD BLESS AS EVERYONE!

Bass gives him a look.

Bass: Sometimes you remind me how dorky you are.
Houde: It felt right
Skotti: Dork

She waltzed into the party.

Houde: I love christmas.
Bass: I do too man, I do too.
~~~

Two figures watched the party from outside.

Curly: So, I get some damn wings now?
Seldes: I didn't hear a bell.

Nearby a church bell rang.

Curly: So, that's a bell
Seldes: I didn't hear it
Curly: COME ON! IT'S RINGING A WHOLE HELL OF ALOT!
Seldes: I don't hear it

They both walked down the street as the snow picked up, and obscured them from sight.

Merry Christmas!​
​
 
The 82nd precinct was a hustle and bustle of activity today. The entire roster was in the lobby, looking up at a box that stood on a pedestal. The box contained everyone's name, and when E shows up, people will be partnered for the day with these people. Everyone was worried, except for Bass. As he showed up, he was assaulted with questions.

OurChair: Bass, you made it, you scared man?
Bass: Scared of what?
Nurhachi: Of being teamed with Hawkeye, or Orson Scott Card.
Bass: Not really. For the past eight years I worked here, I always got partnered up with Houde on this day.
MWoF: You didn't hear?
Bass: Hear what?
MWoF: Houde called in sick today. He got food poisoning from some chinese food last night.
Bass: I told him not to get food there, that dumbass.
~~~
Flashback
Last Night

Houde: I'm going to try out this new joint over here.
Bass: The, Oh My Gawd, This Killed My Stomach place over there.
Houde: Yeah, why?
Bass: Don't eat there man.
Houde: Why not?
Bass: Look at the name.
Houde: Whatever, I don't care. Want anything?
Bass: No...
~~~

MWoF: Yeah, that was kinda stupid.

The bustle settled over the crowd, and Bass turned to look at E as he walked in.

E: Settle down people! I SAID SETTLE!

Seeing how everyone was already quiet, this called some people to look around and wonder what was going on.

E: Good, let's do this then...
~~~

Cad's DownTown Office

Cad was enjoying the day, he didn't have to go visit the 82nd at all today, and he was going to enjoy a nice relaxing day.

Then he got a call from his friend, Doc Comic.

Cad: Doc? What's the matter.
Doc Comic: I need to sue someone, and I need the best.
Cad: No problem, come to my downtown office.
Doc Comic: Alrighty.

Minutes later, a harassed looking Doc Comic showed up, throwing a piece of paper at Cad.

Doc Comic: I'm sueing that bastard for everything, EVERYTHING!
Cad: Relax man, just relax.
Doc Comic: I can't

He paces the room.

Cad: What are you sueing him for?
Doc Comic: He...He....He insulted me!
Cad: How so?
Doc Comic: We got into an argument, and he insulted me.
Cad: How so?
Doc Comic: He said....he called me...
Cad: SPIT IT OUT MAN!
Doc Comic: He called me stupid!

Silence reigned for a few minutes.

Cad: That son of a motherless goat is going down.
Doc Comic: Oh thank you!
~~~

Back at the police Station

E: Let's see who is first, shall we?

He dipped his hand into the box and pulled out a name.

E: Ah, ProjectX2, and he's teamed with....

The hand goes in again.

E: ME!

The crowd looked stunned.

ProjectX2: Yes! Day of nothing, here I come!
E: Actually, Skotti took a personal day today, so your going to have to be my secretary.
ProjectX2: No....NO!
E: Get to answering phones.
ProjectX2: I HATE THIS DAY!
E: And next partnered up will be......OurChair with......Nurhachi!
OurChair: Booya!
Nurhachi: PG-13 Porn here I come!

And so it went forth like this for an hour.

Manwithoutfear got teamed with Orson Scott Card, and since E was feeling bad for him, he gave him another partner, which turned out to be Compound.

Nigma, excited at the prospect of getting a new partner, wound up with Ice instead. Ice called it fate, and vowed to play Justin all day. Nigma was thinking about quitting. And lastly, it came down to two people, Bass and Hawkeye101.

E: And Bass gets teamed up with Hawkeye101

Bass looked stunned.

Bass: You got to be ****ting me, Houde is getting his ****ing *** kicked all over this ***** of a town.
OurChair: Dude, swear filter.
Bass: **** the piece of **** ****ing swear filter! I'm stuck with Hawkeye101.

Hawkeye101 walked over, and hugged Bass.

Bass: I hate you...
Hawkeye101: You think if I'm partnered with you, I get a real gun instead of this water pistol?
Bass: I hate you so much right now...
 
We had a timewarp, therefore a small blurp on what happened, I'll retype it up for the marathon thread later.

Bass, now partnered with Hawkeye101, was recruited by Rhyo, the hardass FBI agent, to hunt down a political murderer. The only clue him and Hawkeye101 has, a long list of comics the perp left at one crime scene. Much to E's dismay, the mayor of New York, a delusional Baxter, needs to stay at the precinct.

Meanwhile, Skotti tries to recruit Houde to help her take down a drug dealer in her community. Houde refuses and says he is over her completely, and walks out of the cop's donut shop. Skotti sees SlimJim there, and they decide to set traps to get Ultimate Quicksilver.

Cad and Doc Comic arrive at the court to find Goodwill defending Roguefan against Doc Comic's lawsuit. The Judge, Ultimatedjf, dressed in fisherman gear, presided over the court, and asked Cad to get a new list of witnesses, seeing as Goodwill had the same exact people. Cad looked at the list and saw Goodwill had crossed Cad's name out, and wrote his in instead. Now, Cad needs to find new witnesses.
 
Bass and Haweye101 arrive at the comic shop to find a huge line of people waiting to get inside.

Bass: What the...
Hawkeye101: They must have known you were coming Bass.
Bass: I smell trouble.

As the walk past the line, and using their badges to get inside, one member of the line look pissed.

TGO: Curses...they are on to me...

~~~

Skotti and SlimJim stood behind a fruit stand, holding a string.

Skotti: You are sure this is going to work.
SlimJim: Of course I am, this always works in the cartoon show.

The string is attached to a stick, which is holding up a box. Underneath the box is a plate of Brazillian nuts.

SlimJim: This plan is foolish.
~~~

Bass enters the comic store to see the one person in the world he hates the most other than Danny Osmond.

Loebendis.

The man's bald head reflected the light as he signed copies of his newet trade comic.

Batman: Black and Grey with Splashes of Blue and Yellow.

Bass picked up the book, and looked at it with contempt.

Bass: Let me guess...Bruce writes a letter to Alfred talking about one of his past adventures?
Loebendis: Ah Officer Bass, so nice to see you again, and the plot is nothing like that.
Loebendis Fanboy 1: No crap loser Officer, this book is the greatest EVAR! They have a side story featuring the Robin!
Hawkeye101: In a Batman book, NO FREAKING WAY! I love when those guys team up.

He eagerly grabs a book and starts to flip through it.

Bass: Now, if I said that ti would be sarcastic, you saying it, makes you sound stupid.
Hawkeye101: I love how it doesn't end. The last issue was delayed.
Bass: Delayed? This is a freaking collection, shouldn't all of the issues be in there?
Loebendis: No comment. But I can say the last issue has a turning point for Batman
Bass: The story happens in the past, how can it be a turning point?
Loebendis Fanboy 14: Stupid officer, the last issue happens in the future
Bass: That makes no sense. WHY DO YOU READ HIS CRAP?
TGO (Loebendis Fanboy 14): Cause it's great!
Bass: DO I know you?
TGO: No
Bass: Oh okay, that's it, I'm shutting this place down, we got a murderer here, and I plan to find out who.
Loebendis: No comment.
Loebendis Fanboy 1: *Gasp* Is this part of your signing Mr. Loebendis sir?
Loebendis: But of course.
Bass: Stupid fanboys!
~~~

Cad and Doc Comic looked on with fear.

Cad: There's no way we can get new witnesses
Doc Comic: We have too
Cad: Wait, we go first, the defense goes last, we'll just call them first.
Doc Comic: Foolproof!
DJF: Alright, prosecution, opening remarks.
Cad: Well, first...
Goodwill: Objection your honor, nice rod by the way I must add.
DJF: Objection noted, and I personally like the hook on the end.
Goodwill: It is a good fishing hook your honor, and I would like the defense to go first.
Cad: The defense never goes first dumbbutt
DJF: You're more professional than that Cad, let the man talk.
Goodwill: Well, in the Case of the Stolen Scarves, Perry Mason was allowed to go first being the defense, your honor
DJF: Interesting...
Cad: Sir, that was a TV show, not even a real case.
DJF: Yuo speak out of turn one more time, your in contempt.

Cad sat down pissed.

Goodwill: In that case your honor, I'll like to forgo my opening statement, and call my first witness.
DJF: Feel free defense.
Goodwill: I call DIRISHB to the stand, COME ON DOWN!

Cheesy gameshow music starts, and cameras search out DIrishB, who is in the third row wearing a huge nametag with his name on it, he comes running up with a smile.

Goodwill looks down at Cad with a amsile, and mouths the words: I own you!

Cad puts his face in his hands.
~~~

E: Where's my Doritos!!
ProjectX2: Get them yourself
E: Your *** is grass boy!
ProjectX2: WHY AM I STUCK BEING HIS SECRETARY!
E: Cause, Skotti called in sick, now, cut my toenails!
ProjectX2: The horror....
~~~

Houde walks over to a street stand, and purchases a corn muffin

He enjoys the corny merchandise when a cold wind goes down the street.

Looking at the end of the street, he sees SLimJim and Skotti yelling about how the damn guy ate the nuts too fast, and got out of there trap.

Houde chuckled, and walked away, heading for the courthouse, he had a case he needed to be in later today.
 
Bass and Hawkeye101 remain at the comic book shop as they search for the most recent political killer.

Hawkeye101: So, what are we looking for?
Bass: A comic book geek.
Hawkeye101: Oh...ok.

Both him and Bass look at the line of suspects. Each is holding onto several books, and they also are wearing various shirts that support Loebendis' stuff, like Luke Cage:Hush, Superman/Spiderman, and others. Bass looks at the list that Rhyo had found at the first crime scene.

Bass: All the girls can go.
Hawkeye101: Why?
Bass: Because, this list has lots of t & a in it.

He shows Hawkeye101 the list that contains titles such as Supergirl, Birds of Prey, and She-Hulk.

Bass: No girl would get those books, they know how bad they are.
Hawkeye101: You heard the man, any ladies in the line.

The line shifts, but no one moves.

Bass: I should have known....
~~~

82nd Precinct's Jails

Dr. Strangefate: I hate this guy, so much right now.

The only other occupant of the jail cells was Dr. Strangefate, the gay assailant who was randmly metrolyzing the men of New York city. No court official wants to be in the same room as him, so he is forced to stay down in the jails all day.

Earlier, some excitement via the way of Baxter, the delirous mayor of New York, was also imprisoned to save the random attempts on his life by the murderer. He has down nothing since, but call out for Robin, the Boy Wonder.

Baxter: Is that you Robin?
Dr. Strangefate: For the tenth time, I'm not Robin, I'm Dr. Strangefate, the gay AVENGER!
Baxter: Robin, we need to take out the Joker. Quick, give me my Bat belt!
Dr. Strangefate: Get it yourself
Baxter: You keep talking to me like this, I'm going to have to have Alfred spank you again. Do you want that Robin?
Dr. Strangefate: SHUT IT YOU FREAK!

Just then ProjectX2 walked down the stairs with lunch.

ProjectX2: Lunchtime!
Baxter: Alfred, you arrived with lunch. So good, please be a dear and spank Robin for me, he's been a naughty naughty boy.
Dr. Strangefate: Oh, wait, he's Alfred....in that case, spank me big boy.
ProjectX2: I'm not Alfred sir.
Baxter: Of course you are, now get spanking!
Dr. Strangefate: (lifting up his skirt): Come on big boy!
ProjectX2: My god, where did you get a skirt with jail stripes on it?!?
Dr. Strangefate: Never mind that, hit me hard!
Baxter: He's being even dirter now, he deserves it! Hit him Alfred.
Dr. Strangefate: Hit me
Baxter: Hit him!
Dr. Strangefate: HARD!
Baxter: YEA!

ProjectX2's brain falters, and he runs out of the jail's sweating. Up the stairs he runs into the cheif of police, E.

E: Why are you still holding the lunch slave....I mean secretary.
ProjectX2: I panicked....
E: GET BACK DOWN THERE!
PRojectX2: But the spankings...
E: STOP BEING A PERV AND SERVE THEM LUNCH!
ProjectX2: Sorry sir.

~~~

Skotti: So, you sure this one will work?
SlimJim: Of course, of all my plans, this one is the best.

Skotti and SlimJim both stood on top of a second story building. Near the end, was a cardboard cut out of a Brazilian woman. She was wearing a bikini, even though it was the middle of winter.

SlimJim: He's coming, remember what you have to say.
Skotti: It's so demeaning.
SlimJim: Just remember.

SlimJim hides behind an airvent. Skotti pulls out a microphone, and talks into it.

Skotti: Oh, mio so caliento...this is so demeaning...oh, me so caliento. I quiero un papi to cool me down. Oh, mio so caliento.

Suddenly a gust of wind kicked up, and a man was by the cardboard cutout. Skotti could tell it wasn't Ultimate Quicksilver though, the guy was holding a keyboard.

Pandrio: DUN DUN!
Skotti: Get away from that!

The trapdoor released, and Pandrio fell, along with the cardboard cutout. SlimJim and Skotti ran downstairs, and to the place where Pandrio fell. He was fine, his keyboard slightly off key, but of the cardboard cutout, there was no sign.

Skotti: Damn, where did it go.

Pandrio rattled the bars of his makeshift cage, then pointed outside. Skotti and SlimJim look to see Ultimate Quicksilver holding the cardboard cutout, and laughing. He held it up.

Ultimate Quicksilver: Beep beep!

Pandrio looked at him, and pulled out his slightly offkey keyboard.

Pandrio: Din Din!

Ultimate Quicksilver laughed, and jetted off. A cloud of smoke erupted behind him.

Skotti: I hate this guy!
~~~

Houde stood at the vending machine at the courthouse. This was his destination.

The Coke or the Pepsi

He choose Coke.

Houde: Pepsi makes my teeth hurt.

He ventured closer to his destination, and away from there, he needed to stop one more place before he could go home and do nothing for the rest of the day.
~~~

Goodwill: How long have you've known the client?
DIrishB: Seventeen years
Goodwill: Really?

The cloud of smoke that hung around DIrishB, and may contain his head, looked down at a piece of paper he was holding.

DIrishB: Yes...
Goodwill: Interesting, and how would you describe him?
DIrishB: Slightly neurotic, very strange, *another glance at the piece of paper* and completely neurotic.
Goodwill: Interesting.
Cad: He's leading the witness your honor.
DJF: What makes you say that?
Cad: the witness is holding a piece of paper with the answers on it.
DIrishB: This isn't that, it's my grocery list.
DJF: Let me see that son.
DIrishB: Um...okay.

DJF picks up the piece of paper, and reads it.

DJF: Just as I thought.
Cad: See!
DJF: You must have a bone to pick with Goodwill, because if you continue to make up false accusations against him and his witnesses, I will have to declare you contempt Cad!
Cad: What?
DJF: This is obviously a cheat sheet for a test. Any judge would know that! Here you go.

He hands the paper back to DIrishB.

Goodwill: DIrishB, does Doc Comic have violent tendencies?
DIrishB: (looking at the paper): Yes.

Cad throws his hands up in frustration.
 
Houde walked into his final destination, the comic book shop he buys his comics at.

Houde: Weird, looks like a lineup.
Bass: HOUDE! What are you doing here?
Houde: Buying some comics on my sick day, what are you doing here?
Loebendis: He's trying to find a killer based on a comic book list
Houde: Why is Hawkeye101 in the lineup?
Bass: Because he's my partner for the day, and when I told everyone in the line to lineup, he did too
Houde: Oh yea, today was switch day, wasn't it
Bass: Yup, here's the list
Houde: Wow, this guy has no taste, these are all Loebendis books, and mainly girls with huge knockers, so, everyone in here is guilty, aren't they?
Bass: Yup
LoebendisL I resemble that remark
Fanboi 1: He's so witty!
Houde: Well Bass, I say we vote for plan B
Bass: You sure?
Houde: Yea, E won't mind
Bass: Okay.

Both Houde and Bass pull out there guns and look at the lineup.

Houde: Let's just shoot them all
Hawkeye101: Man, I hate the cops.
---
The Courthouse

Cad: So, Doc Comic, you say...
DJF: Hold on, this isn't your witness.
Cad: But...
DJF: Not buts, kick him off.
Cad: I have nothing, not a clue...
DJF: Man, this sucks. This case didn't finish in time.
Cad: In time for what?
DJF: To go fishing, and bring back a big one for the wife.
Cad: I request a 15 minute recess.
Goodwill: I object, this is merely a distraction so he can buy a fish for you judge!
DJF: Well, I'll be amazed if he can get down to the fish markets and back in fifteen minutes. Hell, I'll rule in the favor of his client if he does.
Cad: Gadzooks! I'm off!

With that Cad runs out of the courtroom, and down to the docks.

---
Skotti and Slimjim set up the last trap, Slimjim was wearing rollerblades, and had a jetpack strapped to his back.

Slimjim: Now this plan is foolproof!
Skotti: I hope so.

Ultimate Quicksilver blows past them.

Skotti: Go get him!

Slimjim hits the button, and goes about two feet forward, then slows down. He slams the button a few more times to no avail. Unstrapping himself from the ketpack, he hits it with an open palm a few times. It fires, and Slimjim holds on as it shotts him into the sky.

Skotti: Oh, screw this, I'm going back to bed.

Ultimate Quicksilver: BEEP BEEP!
---

As their guns level at the suspects, TGO finally makes a break for it.

TGO: Look! Its SUPERGIRL!

All the men in the lineup look, and TGO runs for the door. He knocks Bass over, and runs past Houde, heading into the street.

Bass: Damn! Why didn't you shoot?
Houde: I calle din sick man, I ain't got bullets!
Bass: I hate this day
Houde: Eh, it's almost over.
---

Twelve minutes later.

Cad buys the biggest fish he could find, but realized he had no chance of arriving back to the courthouse in time. He slouches on the curb, pissed he lost the case, and just then.

Ultimate Quicksilver: Hey there gringo, need a pick me up?

Cad looks up at Ultimate Quicksilver, and smile comes on his face.

Cad: If you can get me to the courthouse within a minute, I'llm ake sure you never spend any jail time.
Ultimate Quicksilver: Hop on my back chico.

---

At the Comic book sshop

Bass and Houde step out into the street, and Bass looks like he's about to reprimand Houde for calling in sick and sticking him with Hawkeye101, and instead he hears yelling.

Cad: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Bass: Was Cad riding the back of a giant speeding bird?
Houde: Naw, he was riding the back of a Brazlian drug dealer.
Bass: Oh
Houde: Sorry about this day man
Bass: No prob, the killer got away, but at least I picked up the latest issue of Planetary
Houde: They changed writers?
Bass: What?
Houde: HA! Loebendis wrote this issue!
Bass: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
---

Back at the courthouse

DJF: Congrats! I rule in favor of Doc Comic!

DJF cluthched the massive fish Cad bought him. Cad, Ultimate Quicksilver and Doc Comic where all celebrating in the courtroom.

Doc Comic: We won!
Cad: YAY!
Ultimate Quicksilver: Arriba, adelay adelay! BEEP BEEP!
Doc Comic: Who is this guy?
Cad: Just some speed dealer
Doc Comic: Thanks for the save
Ultimate Quicksilver: It's what I do, right the wrongs, save the innocent, kiss the babes...it's all in a days work for me, Ultimate Quicksilver!

With that, he ran out of the courtroom, and into the night.

FIN

In the cells

Baxter: Young Dick, did they forget about us down here?
Dr. Strangefate: I think so crazy
Baxter: I think I love you young Dick
Dr. Strangefate: Whatev, when that handsome policeman comes down here again, wake me up will ya?
Baxter: Goodnight young Dick, Batman...I mean Bruce Wayne shall watch over your sleep.

Upstairs

ProjectX2: My hand, my glorious glorious hand....
 
Present Day

A courtroom is a bustle of activity today. Various reporters line the rows, and our favorite 82nd precinct cops are in the back, some standing, leaning against the wall, others sitting in the row. Everyone seems to be expectant.

Houde: I'm starving
Bass: Stop thinking about your stomach for once.
Houde: It's so hard too.
Skotti: Keep eating like you do, and you'll get a belly.
Compound: Me no happy
Ourchair: It's okay old chum, things will work out, they always do.
Nurhachi: Still though, it's so odd that he would do this. I mean he's always yelling and everything, but to actually murder someone?
Orson Scott Card: He always told me that he would cover up the murder when he killed me.
Hawkeye101: Ya, me too.
MWoF: That's cause you guys are idiots.

The doors open, and Ice runs in.

Bass: How's Nigma?
Ice: Nigma is fine, Ultimate Gambit is over there watching him, have they reached a verdict yet?
Bass: No, Goodwill is about to finish up though, he's interviewing E right now.
MWoF: You know, if we are all in here, whose out there arresting the criminals?

---

Slimjim felt he was taking candy from a baby

That's because he was.

The baby screamed as he hopped the fence, and sucked on the lollipop the kid had.

Slimjim: Lolli, lolli, lolli, I can suck you all day long!

A breeze came past him.

Slimjim: What the? You!?
Ultimate Quicksilver: What's up gringo? You notice there's no pigs around right?
Slimjim: I was kinda wondering that and all. Hey, where's me lolli?
Ultimate Quicksilver: Beep beep.

He speed off, holding the lolli.

Slimjim: DAMN HIM!
---

Nurhachi: Nevermind that now, Goodwill is talking...

Up in the front, goodwill walked over to E, who sat in the booth. E's lawyer, Cad, was biting his fingernails. The judge, DJF, was dressed in camping gear, and didn't even look amused. The jury consisted of two individuals, the Captain and JTG.

DJF: Get on with this!
Goodwill: E, did you murder GMaster?
E: GMonkey? Nope.
Goodwill, Hypothetically, let's say you did. If you did, how would you have done it.
E: Well, I didn't
Goodwill: Work with my Police Chief E.
E: Well, first I would have totured him...
Goodwill: Yes, you did torture poor innocent GMaster for writing those slanderings about you, didn't you?
E: What, no...

Goodwill holds up a tape. He hits the play button. The voice of GMaster is heard.

GMaster: E! What are you doing! PUt done that biully club E! OH E STOP HITTING AND TORTURING ME!

The crowd goes wild. E stares at Goodwill.

E: Well played prosecutor.
DJF: I bore of this case, jury what do you think?

Suddenly the doors bust open, and two people stand there. Ultimate Gambit, the best crime scene investigator the 82nd precinct has, and Nigma, a rookie cop. Nigma is leaning on Ultimate Gambit.

Ultimate Gambit: WAIT! I HAVE EVIDENCE THAT WILL CLEAR HIM!
 
One Week Previously....for those of you who don't get it, it's happening before the trial....You dare question me? ME? I will cut you. Oh, you think I won't, I will. Watch me. There, I did it you happy now. Get up. I said get up.....oh damn yo....um..I'll get help stay right there okay?

It was another boring day in the precinct, not much going on other than the normal coverup or two. A sunbeam was on Houde's desk, and his head was in it as he snored peacefully, mumbling about random things in his sleep. Bass was drinking the latest drink fad, reveling in his coolness, ruffling papers ever now and then.

It was too peaceful, even Hawkeye101 and Orson hadn't screwed up in the past month. That should have been a clue.

A reporter sauntered into the police station like he owned it. He was dressed in a ratty old sport coat, and had a hat, with a piece of paper in it. He waltzed over to Skotti's desk.

Reporter: Hey there babe, your..hehe..police chief in today?
Skotti: Did you just call me babe?
Reporter: Be and doll and ge him for me, would ya?
Skotti: Um....doll?
Reporter: Thanks sugar, and get me a coffee as well.

The reporter walked off, and pulled out a measuring tape, and started to measure random things. He waltzed closer to Houde and Bass' desks.

Reporter: Yea, the tub can go over here.
Houde: Mommy, do I need to wear my special underwear today?
Reporter: And, this is where the four person shower can go.

The measuring tape slapped across Houde's desk, and hit Houde on the nose. He yelped.

Houde: YELP!
Reporter: You should get out of my bathroom.
Houde: Who the hell are you?
Reporter: GMaster, and soon I'm gonna own all your asses. You see this.

He holds up a tape recorder.

GMaster: I'm gonna use this to send your boss to jail, and then, I'll buy the place.
Houde: That makes no sense.
Bass: And yet, knowing us, wouldn't fail.
Houde: Anyways, I'm hungry, you want something?
Bass: Sure, let's get some Thai.
Houde: I hate Thai food.
GMaster: Did you guys hear me? I'm taking over this place.
Houde: You think your the first one to come waltzing in here thinking you have our boss by the nose hairs?
Bass: Did they find the other one?
Houde: Nope, the chicken wire worked quite nicely.
Bass: Oh, good.

The both turn smilingly at GMaster.

Houde: So go ahead reporter, make E's day...

---

After the Thai food

Houde and Bass walked into the chaos that reinged in the precinct.

Houde: Nur, what the hell happened?
Nurhachi: I have no clue, E went nuts and shot the reporter guy, in his office. The guy stumbled out, bleeding all over hismelf, and died.
Houde: Oh crap!
 
Seven Days Ago

OurChair: Gadzooks Compound, we're needed!

OurChair and Compound ran up from their downstairs office to the lobby of the precinct. They, like everyone else in the building, heard the gunshot, but unlike the others, never saw GMaster stumble out and fall. Immediately they ran up to the body.

OurChair: Compound, you know what to do, right?

Compound opened up his fannypack, and ruffled through it, and pulled out a piece of chalk.

OurChair: EVERYONE STAND BACK!

It should be noted, no one was near the body at all.

OurChair: AND STAY CALM. WE ARE POLICE!

The other occupants of the police station, including a Nurhachi, who was woken up by the gunshot and rubbing the sandman out of his eyes, just gave OurChair a weird look.

OurChair looked down at what Compound was doing.

OurChair: Compound? No, draw an outline of the body.
Compound: No no have fun...
OurChair: This is serious Compound.
Compound: I know that.

Compound erases the drawing of Pippy Longstocking he drew on the floor, and goes to trace the body.

A disshevelled man, smoking a cigarette and holding an easel, walks over to the two Asians.

Man: Mind if I interview the body?
OurChair: What? THe body is dead?
Man: I know, I want to see if he can tell me what the man looks like
OurChair: Damn it Johnny Freeze, you interview live people, not dead ones.
JohnnyFreeze: I do what I want.

He walks over to the dead body of GMaster.

JohnnyFreeze: Now, dead guy, what did the man look like? Dead guy...listen, if you don't cooperate, then I'm going to have to hurt you.
OurChair: What? Freeze, just get away.
JohnnyFreeze: Fine, if you need me, I'll be making Flash cartoons. I'm Juggernaut *****.

Bass and Houde, having just arrived, walk up to the prone GMaster.

Bass: Compound, we need to run the full set of tests for this.
Houde: He's holding something, OurChair, you got gloves, what is it?

OurChair reaches in and pulls out a tape recorder. There is a bullet hole in the tape recorder, but the tape itself seems fine.

OurChair: Me and Compound need to go through this.
Houde: Good, me and Bass will get Utimate Gambit. He's an outside source to investigate this crime. Nigma, ICE! Make sure no one touches anything.

Seven Days Ago

Houde: So, this guy is good?
Bass: That's what I was told
Houde: But he is good right?
Bass: I think so. E was really mean to us earlier...
Houde: You think? You should get over it.
Bass: I can remember it like it was yesterday
Houde: Dude, it was about ten minutes ago. Right before he sent us to get Ultimate Gambit
Bass: The smell of that dead body was still in the air..

Earlier
Bass: I think I'm going on a diet
Houde: Okay, let's not think about the dead guy in the building that was supposingly shot by our own guy, let's thin about our waistline.
Bass: Yeah, the grapefruit diet
Nurhachi: I'm on the kono pizza diet
Houde: Kono pizza diet?
Nurhachi: Yeah, you can eat as much as you want, as long as it's kono pizza
MWoF: Makes perfect sense.
Houde: Sure it does
Skotti: I lost alot of weight
Bass: Doing what?
Skotti: I lost alot of weight once.
Houde: How?
Skotti: Well, my girlfried dumped me for a skinnier model. So I lost a whole bunch of weight by slapping her around alot.
Bass: I love grapefruit.
Houde: You got some donut on your chin
Bass: Thanks.

E comes walking out of the office, shaking

E: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
Skotti: We're talking about diets.
E: Really? Should I buy you guys a TV, and some yarn so you can knit and watch your damn soaps?
Houde: That's a good one.
E: Shut up HOUDE! You and Bass are going to get Ultimate Gambit. NOW!
Houde: OKAY!
Bass: He stole my grapefruit.

The present, well, the seven days ago present, not the actual present. Try and keep up, will ya? DIrishB can map out the Ultimate Universe (shameless plug) then you can keep up with my time table

Punks

Houde: I can't believe he stole your grapefruit
Bass: This is the place.

The two cops walk into the apartment building to find a door open and a huge mess in the room. Pulling out their pistols, they follow the voice emitting from within.

Houde: Freeze POLICE!
Ultimate Gambit: You see this!

He holds up a Whopper wrapper

Ultimate Gambit: You know what this means, don't you?
Bass: Let me take a stab. Using that Whopper Wrapper, one can make a tinfoil hat, and use that to triplecate the whereabouts of the funtastical field. That in turn will show you what the aliens have been doing, and how they stole the sandals from the Statue of Liberty's feet.
Houde: What the ****?
Ultimate Gambit: No, it shows Doc Comic was in here. He borrowed my playstation. What do you two want?
Houde: We need you to help out E?
Ultimate Gambit: Why?
Bass: Because, he finally murdered
Ultimate Gambit: No case is too hard for me to solve.
Bass: Good
Ultimate Gambit: Where's my forty bucks?
Houde: Forty bucks?
Ultimate Gambit: Yea, forty bucks, where is it?
Bass: Gorram it, E never told us about forty bucks.
Houde: This ruttin' sucks.
Ultimate Gambit: Or I will work for Girl Scout cookies.
Bass: Girl Scout cookies it is!

Seven days ago

Compound was in the forensic room alone. He was trying to get the tape to work, but couldn't figure out such old school technology.

Compound: I no understand, how does this fit into CD player?

After a few more fruitful tries, he decided he needed help, and went to the one person in the building he thought could figure out the technology, or make something that could help him out.

He found that person, Ult. Spider Fan (known as USF from here on out).

USF was surrounded by cardboard and glue in his workstation. He worked on making gadgets and other knickknacks for the police force to use to punish the criminal underbelly of New York.

And he liked to make them.

Compound: Hep
USF: What?
Compound: I need hep
USF: I really have no clue what your saying man, you wanna try out my new gadget.

He handed Compound huge fist like object.

USF: Dude, we could use this to punch people out and stuff, it be awesome.

Compound rolled his eyes, and handed USF a tape.

USF: Whoa man, it's a tape. You want me to have this.
Compound: I need you to pray this
USF: Pray it?
Compound: PRAY IT!
USF: Pray it?
Compound: PRAY IT!
USF: Pray it?
Compound: PRAY IT!
USF: Pray it?

Compound threw the fist on the ground, and picked up a pen. He wrote "play it" on a random scrap of cardboard.

USF: Oh, why didn't you say that man?
Compound: I rid.
USF: Rid?

After a few more frustrating minutes, USF played the tape. Compound, by the end of it, was crying. Taking the tape, he made a bee-line for OurChair.

OurChair was in the process of running the body around the building. He believed just because someone is dead doesn't mean they should let their body go. He handed OurChair the tape after catching up with him.

OurChair: Wow, this is some old piece of technology.
Compound: It has E shooting GMonkey.
OurChair: Whose GMonkey?
Compound: No idea.
OurChair: Alright, let's take this to E then, see what he has to say about it. But tomorrow, it's getting aroudn quitting time.
Compound: So...cow pie?
OurChair: Sound's good to me.

They walked off, leaving the dead body of GMaster on the sidewalk of the building.
 
Six Days Ago

Ice was frantic. He couldn't believe what happened, or how anyone could let it happen. GMaster's body was gone. Missing.

And E said it was him and Nigma's job to find it.

Well, he yelled it alot.

With spittle.

In fact, Nigma was still wiping the spittle off his face, twenty minutes alter.

Nigma: Who knew that guy had so much spit in his mouth.
Ice: That's not the point, we need to find the body.

They were sitting in their squad car, at a red light. Suddenly a gust of wind blew past them.

Nigma: MAN! That guy just ran a red light! Forget the body, let's ticket him!
Ice: ON IT!

Ice pulls out his gun, and slaps the light on the roof of the car.

Nothing moves.

Nigma: Ice, you're driving. You need to step on the pedal to get this bucket moving.
Ice: OH! My bad!

And they were off.

----
Ultimate Gambit was pissing Bass off. For the most part, he did nothing, just standing there, in the middle of a donut shop, humming to himself.

Houde: What is he doing?
Bass: Pissing me off
Houde: Other than that.
Bass: When you went to the bathroom, he said he needed to synch up with the place, become one with the joint and all.
Houde: Oh, so why is this pissing you off?
Bass: He said he Loebendis
Houde: HA!

Ultimate Gambit stood there, and then he threw his head back. Slowly he turned and looked at Bass and Houde.

Ultimate Gambit: Take me to the crime scene
Houde: We where going too, but you said you were hungry
Ultimate Gambit: I was, but no longer. Knowing what E did has made me sick.
Bass: And E wants this guy? Man, he's a nutjob.
Ultimate Gambit: I may be, but what does that make you?
Bass: Sane
Houde: Sure your sane Nexus, let's go

Bass stood still for a second

Bass: I AM THE NEXUS!

The patrons in the donut shop ignore him.

Most likely because he does it everyday.

----

After an exciting car chase, in which Ice and Nigma pulled over another police car, they returned to the 82nd precinct, to avoid E, they went to the SWAT team. There stood two other people, Victor Von Doom, and Synch.

VVD: Don't you notice how my initials look like a sexual transmitted disease?
Synch: No I didn't, odd man.

Nigma and Ice walk in. Immediately Ice gets two sets of evil eyes.

VVD: Nig
Synch: Nig....what's with the Crackah?
Nigma: I told him to wait outside.
Ice: I love crackers those. Hey, you got any.
VVD: Honkey
Ice: You guys have a donkey too! That's awesome!
Nigma: Ice, can you please wait outside. I need to talk to my friends.
Ice: But I'm your friend too
Nigma: OUTSIDE!

So Ice went outside to play with his gun. He practiced drawing it a few times.

One time to many

BANG!
----

Rhyo entered E's office

Rhyo: Hello E
E: Hello Rhyo

A pause

E: Get laid lately?
Rhyo: Kill any reporters lately?
E: Touche
Rhyo: Orders from above, I'm here to relinguish your control over these puppets.
E: What?
Rhyo: They fired you E

For once, E didn't explode, he simply leaned back in his chair.

E: So, whose the replacement till this thing clears up?

---

Ice: Sorry about that fellas. It's okay, the bullet didn't hit anything, right?

Ice stuck his head inside, and saw VVd and Synch looking at him.
VVD: Hate crime

Nigma was on the ground.

Nigma: WHY! WHY DID YOU SHOOT OFF MY PINKY TOE!

---

The station was in a state of disarray, because of one man screaming for joy

One man screaming for excitement.

One man who has recently been instated as Police Chief.

Manwithoutfear screamed.

Like a little school girl.

MWoF: I'M THE BOSS! FINALLY! BEWARE n00bS!
 
Five days ago

The news wasn't taken too well. People were up in flames about the promotion of Manwithoutfear to Police chief of the 82nd precinct. Bu the couldn't be all bad, he did fire Hawkeye101 and Orson Scott Card as his first action. He promised more change, and that was the talk of the troop this morning.

Skotti: I don't like being his secretary
Houde: Why?
Skotti: Cause, he looks at me like I'm a piece of candy
Houde: I do that too
Skotti: But your gay, it doesn't matter
Houde: BASS!
BAss: What, you are? By the way, tonight, wear those sexy panties I like.
Houde: I hate all of you.
Skotti: So anyways, Nigma is doing okay in the hospital
Bass: Still can't believe Ice put a shot through his foot.
Skotti: Yea, VVD was so pissed.
Houde: Bass, where's Ultimate Gambit?
Bass: Nowhere.

The closet makes some noises.

Bass: Come on Houde, let's go see the boss.
Houde: Skotti, let Ultimate Gambit out of the closet.
Skotti: You should come out of the closet.
Houde: I hate you too

The wander into the Office of MWoF.

The look on in horror.

The entire office is framed pictures of Manwithoutfear posing. They are all closeups of his face. And they are all smiling.

Houde: I see you've decorated.
MWoF: Talking back to me? TALKING BACK TO ME?
Houde: I was?
Bass: He was complementing you
MWoF: You were complementing me? YOU WERE COMPLEMENTING ME?
Houde: Stop it?
MWoF: YOU'RE TELLING ME TO STOP?
Bass: Um...okay...we're going to go investigate the murder of GMaster now
MWoF: GET OUT OF OFFICE N00BS!

Spittle was now covering both cops.

Houde: Okay
MWoF: YOU AGREEING WITH ME?
Houde: stop the yelling!
MWoF: CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE!
Houde: I'm so confused. Why are you yelling at me? WHY?
MWoF: GET OUT!
Houde: I was trying, but you kept yelling at me!
MWoF: YOU'RE FIRED!

A pause

Houde: What?
MWoF: YOU'RE BOTH FIRED!
Bass: What?

Houde and Bass look at each other, then at MWoF.

Houde: I'll take that as a lapse in judgement my friend
Bass: We'll get back on the case.

Hawkeye101 was in the dumps. He got fired from his job, got kicked into the street, and left for by himself because his best friend Orson Scott Card was just eaten by radioactive monkeys. Things couldn't be worse for him, then it all changed. He was approached by someone onthe street, two people actually, one guy was getting dragged.

Person: Excuse me, are you gullible?
Hawkeye101: What's that?
Person: Quick, look on the ceiling!

It should be of note that they were outside. But Hawkeye101 looked anyways

Hawkeye101: I don't see aything; Your friend looks ill..and he smells bad.
Person: Trust me on this, cause I'm smart, no really I am, I need you to look after this body for me, okay? Can you do that?
Hawkeye101: I don't know, my best BFF (Best friend forever) was just eaten by a radioactive monkey and I'm emotional right now...
Person: I'll buy you candy
Hawkeye101: You got a deal!
Person: Okay, now, just leave the body right here.
Hawkeye101: Okay! I'll wait right next to it!
Person: Thanks!

The guy in the trenchcoat ambled off, and Hawkeye101 sat next to the dead body of GMaster

Hawkeye101: Will you be my friend?

---

Ultimate Gambit looked at the crime scene. He was staring at the same part for hours.

Ultimate Gambit:I may know what have happend
Bass: It's about time.

He elbows Houde, who wakes up, snorting

Houde: Huh, what...oh, did he find something
Bass: He said he may know what have happened.
Houde: Oh goodie. Bout time
Ultimate Gambit:I see.....A person, getting shot inthere

He points at E's office

Ultimate Gambit: Then he falls down there.

He points at Compound's chalk outline.

Ultimate Gambit: Where he bleeds to death.

Ultimate Gambit stands up, wiping his hands as if he did a long days worth of work.

Ultimate Gambit: I am good
Bass: You suck
Ultimate Gambit: I do not suck
Bass: Anyone who could read could figure that out, it was on the report!
Ultimate Gambit: Ah, but I haven't looked at the report
Bass: Yes you did, in the car
Ultimate Gambit: Gasp...how did you know?
Bass: Cause, mine was back there, you even doodled on it, with your initials. I say we lock him in with Dr. Strangefate and figure it out on our own Houde.
Houde: Well, that plan is sure devious, but BAss, technically, we are fired, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Bass: Nope
Ultimate Gambit: Hey, does no one care about me and my investigation?
Bass: Nope
Houde: Bass, it's time.
Bass: Oh, now I know what your taling about.
Houde: It's time for Houde and Bass to open up there very own....PRIVATE INVESTIGATION UNIT!

They're Houde, Houde and the Nexus Nexus Nexus Nexus!​
 
Four days ago

It's a dark room, filled with smoke. A Tv, which is playing Casablanca in black and white in on, it's flickering light reveals the face of none other than Bass.

Bass: It's a dark, cloudy and rainy night, but aren't they all. The dame walked into the office, her heels and her dress both showin goff the fact she was extremely beautiful. She sassyed her hips over to the desk, leaning down. Nice cleavage lady, I really enjoy looking at it. She smiles, and slides over a folder. My husband is cheating on me, I wish for you too find him for me.

Bass takes a deep breath, and a drag on a candy cigarette before continuing.

Bass: Sure thing Famke, anything else you need? The dame leans forward, and begins too...
Houde: BASS!
BAss: WHAT!
Houde: Why is there all this damn smoke in the apartment.
Bass: SHUT UP AND GO BACK TO BED!
Houde: I wasn't even in bed. I went to get us some subs down at Luigi's. What the hell is going on? What you watching on the TV?

Houde turns on the lights to his apartment. A smoke machine is set up in the corner, and a movie featuring Bass' love interest, Famke Janssen is on. Bass quickly covers himself up with a blanket.

Houde: Um...need a tissue?
BAss: Seriously, I was setting atmosphere!
Houde: For what? A whack off session? It's not even 6:20 yet, hell, it ain't even NOON!
Bass: DUDE! For our private investigation buisness. We need to set the atmosphere.

Houde opens the blinds, letting in light, then a window, causing the smoke to leave the apartment.

Houde: We get our job back, everyone already read the beginning of this you know.
Bass: You suck man, atmopshere!
Houde: No, and I refuse to have an archnemesis called Bigsby
Bass: ATMOSPHERE!
Houde: I saw the paper, I can't believe you put out ads for an archenemy. Who does that?

The phone rings.
Houde: I got that...hello.

Pause

Houde: Positions been filled, sorry.

He hangs up.

Houde: That was the tenth call today for that position. Man, I hate you so much right now. Listen, Nur told me the body of GMaster was stolen.
BAss: ANd she was about to kiss me.
Houde: BASS FOCUS!

He slaps Bass.

Houde: THERE IS NO FAMKE HERE!
Bass: That hurt, why do you cause me so much pain?
Houde: Listen, we need to find GMaster's body. If we find out where the body is, we may be able to figure out what happened.
Bass: It still hurts.
Houde: My god, get some clothes on, we're heading out in five.

Bass gives him a pathetic look.

Houde: FINE! TEN! Just don't stain the sofa.

Houde walks out.

Bass takes out his sub, and eats it. He manages not to stain the sofa, but man, did he get lettuce all over the carpet.

Nur was having a rough day. Manwithoutfear had fired half the department already, though no one seemed to be listening, and was hanging out in the lobby. One of those was Skotti, so Nur was the man who took the secretary position. He walked into the office to see Manwithoutfear arguing with ProjectX2.

MWOF: I hate your name
ProjectX2: I hate your face
MWoF: Are you talking back to me?
ProjectX2: No, I'm insulting you.

Nurhachi breathed out, MWoF was starting to fire ProjectX2 now it seemed.
MWoF: YOU TALKING BACK TO ME!
ProjectX2: Get a breath mint
MWoF: YOU'RE FIRED!
ProjectX2: I like your feet.

Nur gave ProjectX2 a weird look, but MWoF was like a train, unable to be derailed no matter what.

MWoF: GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!
ProjectX2: Are you being cereal?
MWoF: GET OUT OF MY OFFICE NOW!
ProjectX2: Whatever, if you need me I'll be in my office
MWoF: YOU'RE FIRED!
ProjectX2: Whatever, hey Nur, talk to you later.

ProjectX2 got up and walked out of the office. MWoF's head was red, and a couple veins could be seen, pumping up and down.

MWoF: They're against me man, against me, all of them, they want my job
Nur: Um...I don't think they do
MWoF: They want my job, I'm sure of it. I need to stop them completely.
Nur: We also need a police force.
MWoF: SHUT UP!
Nur: Sure, I'm shutting up.

Nur quickly exited the office before MWoF could fire him too, and b-lined it for the phone. MWoF needed to relax, and if anyone needed relaxation, there was one man to call.

DIrishB's Bungalow:

DIrishB: AND GET OUT!

DIrishB kicked Doc Comic in the ***, knocking him out of the bungalow.

DIrishB: Damn freeloaders

His phone rang, and he picked it up.

DIrishB: Hello, this is DIrishB's bungalow.
Nur: Dude, we need to good stuff down here, stat.
DIrishB: Got it.

He turned around and yelled at Doc Comic who was trying to sneak into the window.

DIrishB: I SAID GET OUT!

He kicks him in the face.

MWoF paced inside his office, HIS OFFICE, not's E's, E was fired now, it was simply his, and no one elses. NO ONE'S! HIS!

He wiped the froth from his mouth.

MWoF steamed, he was looking to fire someone else, but he already fired most of the police force, leaving him with Nurhachi, Ice and Nigma, and that's only because Nigma was in the hospital and Ice was guarding him.

Where did everyone else go? What were they doing?

And that freak Ultimate Gambit was still investigating GMaster's murder.

---

Houde's Apartment

Compound: I cast magic missle
Houde: You can't see anything.
OurChair (From the kitchen): Can I have some Mountain Dew?
ProjectX2: I'm an elf, I have pointy ears
Bass: Famke....I love you so much.
Houde: Compound, there's nothing there.
Compound: I cast magic missile!
Houde: Fine, at what
ProjectX2: Not me I hope
OurChair (from the kitchen): AM I THERE? CAN I HAVE THESE CHEETOS!
Compound: At the darkness

Compound giggles manically.

Houde: Um, okay..the missle lights up the darkness, and you see PRojectX2, who's an elf
ProjectX2: Actually, can I be a dwarf now
Houde: I guess, a dwarf, with green eyes
ProjectX2: I want blue eyes
Bass: Oh Famke....
OurChair (from the kitchen):I want some french onion dip!
Houde: For your cheetos?
OurChair (from the kitchen): It's an Asian thing
ProjectX2: You haven't told Compound I have blue eyes
Compound: I have a thing for blue eyes
OurChair (from the kitchen): Am I with them?
Houde: Compound, he has blue eyes, and no your not with them
OurChair (from the kitchen): I have a dagger of orge slaying
Bass: Famke...
Houde: BASS! WE ALL CAN HEAR YOU IN THE BATHROOM!
Bass: HOUDE SHUT UP, I:M ALMOST DONE!
ProjectX2: I want OurChair's dagger, so I steal it from him
OurChair (from the kitchen): I kill Project
Compound: I reary wike Cheetos
Houde: ENOUGH OF THIS MADNESS!

Houde throws his D&DD materials all over the place

Houde: We need to find who framed E!
Bass: Famke..
Houde: And he needs to get over hmself. That's it, TOMORROW WE ARE FINDING OUT THE TRUTH!
OurChair (from the kitchen): Um dude, you got any ginger?
Houde: I hate you all
Bass: Famke...
 
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