Writing Challenge

[Zombipanda]

I'm liking where the story is going.



Moony introduced him at the beginning of his chapter.

The stoner kid?

 

[ProjectX2]

The stoner kid?

Oh right, him. I was so confused. I thought it was her brother who was now dead.

 

[Zombipanda]

Oh right, him. I was so confused. I thought it was her brother who was now dead.

I think I'm gonna have to read the whole thing back over. It's all so confusing.

 

[moonmaster]

Is Doublehex still doing this? Because he's in between you guys.

EDIT: Also, who's the Jimmy at the end? Did I miss something?

Yeah, he's the guy you introduced.

Shelley's brother James is dead.

 

[J. Agamemnon]

I really hope there is some story left by the time it gets to me and mccheese.

 

[Friday]

I really hope there is some story left by the time it gets to me and mccheese.

Oh I'd expect there to be plenty.

:twisted:

 

[Iceshadow]

Nice little twist so far Zombiepanda, and you're right Baxter is such a vulture.:wink:

 

[Dr.Strangefate]

Zombiepanda, that was ****ing amazing. I can't wait to see what you do with the rest of your chapter... The first bit in particular... Man, oh man.

 

[Zombipanda]

I'm done! You're welcome for the awesome cliffhanger, doublehex. So what did everyone think?

Nice little twist so far Zombiepanda, and you're right Baxter is such a vulture.

Hey, thanks!

But there's no E in my name.

Zombiepanda, that was ****ing amazing. I can't wait to see what you do with the rest of your chapter... The first bit in particular... Man, oh man.

The first bit was probably my favorite too, although I'm pretty damn unsatisfied with that stanza at the end. I just don't know how to fix it. I'm also not entirely happy with the fact that Jimmy's just a prop in the scene while Andrea soliloquies, which I tried to alleviate by kind of deifying her, but I'm still not entirely happy with it.

I'm least happy with the second part. There isn't really a rhythm to the characters, and it feels like naked exposition. The style really fell apart. I'm happy I managed to fit the twist and the Weathermen comment in there, but the Weatherman line just attached at the end feels kind of clumsy - another one of those things I'm not talented enough to find a way to fix. I feel like maybe I should just cut that line in the end.

I'm proud of the dynamic between Shelly and Buddy, though. James' voice needs a lot of work, and the finale to the chapter felt sloppy, but I feel like fixing it would mean making the chapter incredibly long, and I think I'm just about done monkeying with it anyway. I also would have liked to have gotten a chance to write Carrington and Vincent. Psychopaths are my strong point, but the opportunity just never presented itself.

Oh. And there's no E in my name.


Anyway, since we're halfway done, I'll probably get around to commenting on everyone's chapter shortly.

 

[Zombipanda]

So.... It's been a week.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

He's got three more days.

I Pm'd him two days ago, and he said he is working on it.

 

[Zombipanda]

He's got three more days.

I Pm'd him two days ago, and he said he is working on it.

Ah, right.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

BAXTER!!!!

Your turn, Doublehex didn't post within the time limit, his turn is forfeited.

 

[Zombipanda]

BAXTER!!!!

Your turn, Doublehex didn't post within the time limit, his turn is forfeited.

which is disappointing.

I wanted to see how Pikachu and Lion-O interacted with our characters.

 

[Doublehex]

BAXTER!!!!

Your turn, Doublehex didn't post within the time limit, his turn is forfeited.

I really couldn't make sense of the story. Between the contradictions, the switching of scenes...it's enough to make Einstein go bonkers!

Good luck to everyone else, though.

 

[Zombipanda]

I really couldn't make sense of the story. Between the contradictions, the switching of scenes...it's enough to make Einstein go bonkers!

Good luck to everyone else, though.

What contradictions?

 

[Ultimate Houde]

Probably the time jumps we've had in story time.

 

[Zombipanda]

Probably the time jumps we've had in story time.

I don't think any of them are really contradictory, though. They're just scene transitions.

I guess that makes me Stephen Hawkings.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

I know, you used a few.

That's one thing we should add next time, no time jumps. I would like to have seen if this story stayed confined to the hotel myself. Yeah, next one should have no time jumps, and should be a comedic mystery...

 

[Zombipanda]

I know, you used a few.

That's one thing we should add next time, no time jumps. I would like to have seen if this story stayed confined to the hotel myself. Yeah, next one should have no time jumps, and should be a comedic mystery...

Eh... That's the thing though. There's fifteen people involved in this. It's naturally going to get pretty weird and wacky.

I think a way to ground it next time might be to use a pool about half this size (If there's demand, maybe have two or three story challenges running consecutively) and each writer does two chapters. So the first guy writes the first chapter and then comes back at the end to write the last chapter. The second guy writes the second and next to last chapter, etc. till you get to the last guy on the list, who writes a bonus double-sized bridge right in the middle. I feel like that way, there will be more interaction, more planning, and more capacity for each person to exert control on the story.

And all of my scenes took place in the same relative span of time. Jimmy's scene is him in the basement of the school, and the stuff that takes place earlier is simply flashback. The second scene happens concurrently, and the third scene piggybacks right on the end of that (with whassername stepping out for a cigarette right at the climax of the scene).