Dear Vertigo -
It has become apparent to me as of late that comics are ****ing stupid. In fact, every snide remark by thuggish "cool" kids throughout my entire childhood about how stupid they are has suddenly become very valid to me. I am considering all of the retelling of tales to make them "better", the amazing crossover events, the hollow characters in convoluted storylines that just end up with twists that retcon everything I just spent a year reading. I mean, for pity's sake, Vertigo, did you know that the best thing to come out of Marvel in the last ten years was NEXTWAVE? Really, that is the only thing from Marvel I've ever believed anyone actually enjoyed. And I can't even figure out what the **** DC is talking about anymore. It really has become insulting to the readers that any of this stuff gets published. Maybe the era of the superpowered hero is dying off in comics.
Anyway, Vertigo, I am writing this to let you know that I love you. I do. With all my heart. You print wonderful titles, with amazing writers, and use lovely art that makes me swoon. The characters in your imprint are more real than any I've ever read. The stories are best-selling book worthy. Of course, fanboys who still wear Spider-Man Underoos won't read them, but that is because they are ****s. People who appreciate art, appreciate the fine men and women who spend time mastering their creative talents, appreciate stories that make ****ing sense and ooze awesomeness from every plot point, will totally read them. And really, who doesn't want that appreciative person reading their books? **** Spider-Man.
Vertigo, you are my favorite. Out of everything. Thank you so much for all that you do for the comic medium. As far as I am concerned, you are the only publisher of comics that exists.
P.S. Could you introduce me to Neil Gaiman or maybe Bill Willingham?
P.P.S. Have you considered buying D.C. comics?
P.P.S.S. If you want to make me REALLY appreciative, please find a way to transform your Fables title into a woman that I can **** everyday, because that is how crazy I am about it. Not kidding.
Love,
I'm Selling All of My Comics That Can't Be Considered Literature