Ultimate Punisher !

School + other comic book is taking all of my time. The last parts probaly wont be up in the next few weeks. Sorry.
 
SeAcoW said:
School + other comic book is taking all of my time. The last parts probaly wont be up in the next few weeks. Sorry.
Click to expand...

That sucks. I liked the last chapter. Keep it coming. Now go read my stories.
 
Grap some whiskey, put on your deepest voice and read this out loud. Chapter four is here, with no editing whatsoever. Even with all the spelling mistakes I love it.

Part 4 – Truth






I wear a t-shirt and some baggy pants. It's all orange, maybe not the smartest kind of wear when you are going for the hunt of a guy called Morlun. And the fact that the S.H.I.E.L.D, logo is printed in the top right of the front makes it even worse. I got no weapons, no freaking Idea where to look for Morlun and my head is shaking. Like all I remembered just disappeared. So I start cleaning out the streets for everything that looks criminal. The same question goes again and again. "Where is Morlun?!" Hours with no result. S.H.I.E.L.D might have got him. I thought I was here to bring down Silvermanes business. I thought I was here to take him down. But now I know I wasn't, I was here to get answers. Something in this puzzle didn't fit.


Just before throwing an 8-ball through a guy's head I hear clapping. I turn around to see whose clapping at me. I feel sweaty, nervous. Not normal thing to me. The guy faints I was pointing at faints. "You wanted me Frank? You got me." Morlun is standing there, starring with his cold dead eyes at me. "I took down Captain America. I survive a massacre. I almost take down a story of criminals. This is not training. Something is wrong with me right?" I say.


"Haha, you are so right that you wouldn't even know Frank Castle. Remember that STUPID story Silvermane was trying to get into your little brain? FBI? You thought it was that simple? Morlun Laughed. "Continue" I said, still pointing my 8-ball right between Morlun's eyes. "You know we didn't kill your family. The gorillas that you found in your house didn't kill your family. You see…you did."


I had no idea what to say. The guy is freaking with my mind. But something inside me told me he was right. "You see, with all those super guys flying around us Silvermane needed more. He had me for sure, but that's not enough. So he wanted to turn his biggest Hitman into a deadly super human. You. You agreed to do it. You would have the strength, speed and unbreakable skin if everything did well. You had about 10 gorillas to watch your every move. Project leader? Dave."
"You lying son of a *****" I screamed throwing the 8-ball towards his head, but in the last second Morlun gripped it. "But well, it didn't go so well. The serum that you had been giving had side effects. You went crazy and destroyed everything you loved my friend." Morlun smiled. "But that doesn't make any sense. Why would Silvermane lie to me? Why would he capture me? And what about Dave?" I said confused. "Well, we knew your family was your everything and all that crap, so when you woke up we kinda knew that you would blow your head off if we told you the truth. We needed to take it slow, so we send Dave, the project leader, to imprint fake memories in your little skull. We wanted you to feel good with your new powers, and learn how to use them. I just killed Dave for fun. Morlun laughed again.
 
:rockon::rockon::rockon::rockon:.75 out of 5
Except from the spelling and grammar, and it being kind of short, this was awesome!!! That revelation from Morlun was crazy.:shock:
 
Last edited:
w00t thanks!!!!! Ultimate Jigsaw!!!!! Thanks for the idea!!!! :)

Thanks for the comment boys, this is for you. Because Overlord said so, I might make a Ultimate Punisher 3, with Ultimate Jigsaw. I would love to do that. But first I wanna get Chapter 5 up.
 
Last edited:
Last Chapter of vol. 2 people. Sad day:cry: This is THE ****. I love it. I probaly wont to anymore Ultimate Punisher. Contact me if you wanna do vol.3 It would be awesome. Enjoy this kickass chapter, and let the internet break in half.
(Ultimate Jigsaw, because a guy told me to do it)


Part 5 – Payback

"I'm gonna kick your white ***" I told Morlun. "Immortal or not"
"Try" Morlun said cold. I could feel the sweat all over my body. Death doesn't mean anything to me now. I break the legs of the table and throw it at Morlun as fast as I can. The table hits him, and breaks. He smiles. He jumps towards me. Take my neck, smashes my face into the wall. Pull my face out of the wall, just for throwing me at the bar. I smash into a lot of expensive alcohol, it doesn't even hurt.


I'm lying there for about 5 seconds. I know that Morlun is standing right over me, and I don't really care. I try to stand up, but Morlun's foot doesn't want the same. He kicks me down again with his heel. I crash the floor with my forehead. Morlun turns me around and get down on his knees. He grips my hair with his long sharp fingers, and pulls me up. Licks some of the blood off my face. "Is that all you got you sick freak?" I smile. He throws me at the wall, now his pissed. His skin might be though. But what about the eyes? I find two sharp pieces of glass on the floor.


I aim and throw. One for each of his cold, animal like eyes. He screams. "Son of a…" I go to him, his now down on his knees screaming. With my thumbs I push the glass even further into his skull. He drops. Before I leave I take some cigarettes of a table and I open a bear. Police is on their way, I can hear them. I'm gonna find a hotel, think some. I don't think I killed my family. And I don't think Silvermane did either. I don't believe that Dave was into the whole thing, no, someone else is playing with me. But why, how? As I'm about to leave the bar, I take a look around for some new clothes.



I find some, normal looking clothes; from one of the guys I killed when I got into the bar. Hmm, something in the pocket. What the hell a tape player?" I pick it up, look at it. The tape inside the player as a stick on it, saying "Frank Castle". What the hell? As I play I hear some kinda disturbed voice: "Hello Frank. I want to play a game. For many years you have lived a double life. You have two wonderful children and a beautiful wife. Many people would do anything to live life the way you do it. Yet still, you feel that you can't just have a normal job like everyone else. You LIE to your wife.


Everyday, the last 15 years of your life, you've killed minimum 2 people, each day. Living, breathing people. With family waiting for them at home, just like your wife and children did. You still got a chance. You see, those dead bodies you thought were your wife and your kids, wasn't. It was dolls. If you follow the rules, you might be able to see your family alive again "
 
Last edited:
Ultimate Pusher is teh **** 8)
Just read it all. Keep up the good work mayn :wink:
 
Awesome, just awesome. The whole thing was :rockon::rockon::rockon::rockon:.5 out of 5. But alone this chapter was really good. Oh and
:rockon::rockon::rockon:Welcome Sveparn!!!:rockon::rockon::rockon:
 
Part 0: I don't really think Punisher would go around and call people "that Silvermane chap".

Part 1: Don't confuse "his" and "he's", and I hear, in some contries, they behead people that mix up "their" and "there".

(This goes for the editor too, of course.)

Part 2: "Frank my friend, sorry for interrupting your date with your boyfriend." <- try to vary your language, the double "your" makes this sentence a bit crowded, say "the date" to free it up a bit.

You're missing commas all over the place, if you have to place a "huh" in the end of a sentence, it's preceeded by a comma.

Rap -> wrap.

Part 4: This felt like Lews Terin Telamon's final moments.

Part 5: Confusing "bear" and "beer" can be hazardous to your health :-b
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Wow, i thought this was dead :wink:

Thanks for the comment...I guess. :wink:
 
SeAcoW said:
Wow, i thought this was dead :wink:

Thanks for the comment...I guess. :wink:
Click to expand...

LOL! I'd say it's a huge compliment to your story. The point that Korinthian invested so much time says a lot.

That being said, I have to agree with this points here. Although, I still don't want an author focusing too much time on "Grammar" because often times they wind up sacrificing "Story" for it. In fan fiction there's typically not a happy balance between the two. Usually employing Editors helps alleviate this problem. It also depends on how much you really want to invest into this.

Usually most of the stories that I have enjoyed the most have been less than stellar when it comes to grammar. I think it's because I can read the passion and the love for the characters through the misplaced commas or absent "apostrophes". It's all according to taste as well.

I think what you did here with Frank. I would like for you next time to write for yourself and not the audience. I think you could have taken a lot more risks but you also probably made the smartest choices in the end. I think your next story will probably catapult you even further.

Again, enjoyed your story thoroughly and has even inspired me to write some Frank 
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Latest posts

Back
Top