Reasons to hate Wolverine

He took my sister out to the movies and got to second base, then never called her back.

Weak. Totally weak.
 
He once told someone a story about being trapped in an iceberg or something and eating strips of his own arm to survive. The strips grew back.

My entire body is filled with white-hot rage just thinking about it.

SOMETHING DOES NOT COME FROM NOTHING. SOMETHING DOES NOT COME FROM NOTHING. SOMETHING DOES NOT COME FROM NOTHING.

Cells splitting takes energy and matter. Your body does not digest food with 100% efficiency. There is so much wrong arrrgh it doesn't make any ****ing sense! And the only ****ing point was to show off how "badass" he is, but it's so ridiculously over the top and stupid that I wanted the other character to say, out loud, "Are you ****ing joking?"

Wolverine is the least badass character ever. The point of his existence? Meat shield. Sure, he may have all that super-spy training and ****, but his only function is to get the **** beaten out of him to prove how strong the villain of the week is without actually, you know, changing anything.

I mentioned before on this thread that he constantly has his face on TV. I would like to reiterate this. Wolverine should have the most known face in the universe. It's ridiculous that anyone wouldn't be able to recognize him on sight. Anyone who has ever depicted him as going undercover (not sneaking around, going undercover) without some kind of full-face disguise, preferably telepathic or holographic, is an idot. Every SHIELD agent should know him by sight. Every X-men villain should know him by sight. Every X-man should know him by sight.

Okay, I'm looking at an X-men handbook, and it has a page on Madripoor, some stupid fake country. It's described as a "business capital", so even though that "business" is piracy, I'm assuming they have ****ing televisions. It's populated by "international criminals and criminal organizations", who would have a vested interest in knowing what superheroes look like.

I'm looking at Wolverine's disguise right now. Do you know what it is?

It's his regular suit that he used to wear a lot. With the hat he wears all the time. And a cigarette, which he used to smoke all the time until Joe Quesada decided that smokers set a bad example for the kids, who should be learning to make deals with the devil so they can hide from the real world in mommy's uterus some more instead of getting married and getting a job. Wait, where was I?

Oh, yeah. Since all these things are clothes he wears normally, there is only one aspect to his disguise.

An eyepatch.

I'm going to quote the caption verbatim:

To conceal his true identity when in Madripoor, Wolverine goes by the name of Patch, after the eye patch he wears there.
Click to expand...

I am having a ****ing seizure right now. I am foaming at the mouth. This is stupider than children's stories. There are stories for five-year-olds that are more clever than this. It is the stupidest thing I've ever read. Its existence is an insult to me. This is the closest I have ever been to destroying a book.

And another thing. By now, Wolverine's continuity is so ridiculously ****ed up and convoluted that nobody pays any attention to what's come before them. People have told so many "untold tales" that you could probably make a timeline filling in every second of his life. Due to this, any writers either tell the story they want to tell or pick a backstory that will fit their story. They have a character or source who should be believed tell the new backstory and then base a story off of it. And then, the next douchebag ignores that in favor of what they want, and so the credible character or source (within Marvel's fictional universe) becomes unbelievable and the whole damn cycle starts all over again.

He's like the embodiment of everything that's wrong with modern superhero comics. He ignores physics and reason in favor of absurd "badass" moments and gore. He ignores logic and common sense in favor of holding on to an outdated, one-dimensional aspect of his personality because nothing can ever change. He has that awful, "tongue in cheek", "humorous" bull**** that would make a toddler feel patronized. He has the ignorance or apathy towards continuity that destroys any meaningful arcs of growth or plot development.

I hate Wolverine. I hate Wolverine. I ****ing hate Wolverine. He is the worst character ever. I want him to die cold, alone and afraid. I want Marvel to change his ongoing into a title showcasing all the ways he should logically be able to die, one at a time.

And you know what the absolute worst part is?

BKV is writing a Wolverine miniseries.

I feel like my brain has locked up and refused to work.

Wait, no! I can change this into another reason to hate Wolverine!

Reason number whatever: BKV is writing a miniseries about Wolverine instead of coming back to Runaways.
 
TwilightEL said:
Oh, yeah. Since all these things are clothes he wears normally, there is only one aspect to his disguise.

An eyepatch.

I'm going to quote the caption verbatim:

[]

I am having a ****ing seizure right now. I am foaming at the mouth. This is stupider than children's stories. There are stories for five-year-olds that are more clever than this. It is the stupidest thing I've ever read. Its existence is an insult to me. This is the closest I have ever been to destroying a book.
Click to expand...

To be fair..... it's no more or less stupid than a domino mask, which is less of a disguise than sunglasses.

Anyway, Wolverine can easily be a great character. They've just screwed him up at the moment like they do with every character at different times. I've actually been thinking more and more these days about how a permanently on-going comic is pretty much the worst format of storytelling out there. It's impossible to just have characters go on and on, ageing at a snail's pace if at all and with no planned end to their tales without each and every character having huge periods of time where nobody knows what to do with them because they're so muddled by years of image and continuity, until they're finally blessed with some cutting-edge reinvention and their character surges again for away, before that becomes overgrown and passe too and it starts all over again.

Seriously. TV Series have all the same problems when they go on for too long without a planned end(e.g. Smallville), we just never see it to this extent because actors age and people move on. The closest example to comics is probably The Simpsons actually. Homer's got to be one of the worst characters out there right now, even though he was golden before(not just because he was riotusly funny then... because he was a person and not some ridiculously exaggerated mess).

Bleh. It's an obvious problem. This is why I pretty much stick to graphic novels.
 
Planet-man said:
To be fair..... it's no more or less stupid than a domino mask, which is less of a disguise than sunglasses.

Anyway, Wolverine can easily be a great character. They've just screwed him up at the moment like they do with every character at different times. I've actually been thinking more and more these days about how a permanently on-going comic is pretty much the worst format of storytelling out there. It's impossible to just have characters go on and on, ageing at a snail's pace if at all and with no planned end to their tales without each and every character having huge periods of time where nobody knows what to do with them because they're so muddled by years of image and continuity, until they're finally blessed with some cutting-edge reinvention and their character surges again for away, before that becomes overgrown and passe too and it starts all over again.

Seriously. TV Series have all the same problems when they go on for too long without a planned end(e.g. Smallville), we just never see it to this extent because actors age and people move on. The closest example to comics is probably The Simpsons actually. Homer's got to be one of the worst characters out there right now, even though he was golden before(not just because he was riotusly funny then... because he was a person and not some ridiculously exaggerated mess).

Bleh. It's an obvious problem. This is why I pretty much stick to graphic novels.
Click to expand...

Hit the nail on the head.

Another problem I think superhero comics have in DC & Marvel is that all of the characters are corporate icons and mascots. They can't ever really grow or change too much, because it means that when new fans want to pick up the comic, they won't understand what's going on. Unfortunately, that leads to the writers trying to force in character development by shoving in multiple lesser characters and giving them new identities and costumes all the time, to make the book seem like it's actually moving somewhere (see: Batman and his sidekicks).

All comics need right now is to go back to the writing style of the eighties: where the four or five writers that are working on a specific character's different books (say Superman), sit around a table at the start of the year and plot what's going to happen in the books in that year and how they are going to carry on from last year. The comics from 1980s/early 90s certainly aren't Shakespeare, but they have a continuity and a feeling of movement that hasn't been emulated since. Nowadays, the Big Two Companies just dump apocalyptic storyline after apocalyptic storyline into their books with no flow from previous stories.

These are all basically reasons that you should be reading Invincible (strong, flowing story with a Soap Opera-style method of movement and with story arcs planned long in advance).
 
Last edited:
Planet-man said:
To be fair..... it's no more or less stupid than a domino mask, which is less of a disguise than sunglasses.

Anyway, Wolverine can easily be a great character. They've just screwed him up at the moment like they do with every character at different times. I've actually been thinking more and more these days about how a permanently on-going comic is pretty much the worst format of storytelling out there. It's impossible to just have characters go on and on, ageing at a snail's pace if at all and with no planned end to their tales without each and every character having huge periods of time where nobody knows what to do with them because they're so muddled by years of image and continuity, until they're finally blessed with some cutting-edge reinvention and their character surges again for away, before that becomes overgrown and passe too and it starts all over again.

Seriously. TV Series have all the same problems when they go on for too long without a planned end(e.g. Smallville), we just never see it to this extent because actors age and people move on. The closest example to comics is probably The Simpsons actually. Homer's got to be one of the worst characters out there right now, even though he was golden before(not just because he was riotusly funny then... because he was a person and not some ridiculously exaggerated mess).

Bleh. It's an obvious problem. This is why I pretty much stick to graphic novels.
Click to expand...

Gothamite said:
Hit the nail on the head.

Another problem I think superhero comics have in DC & Marvel is that all of the characters are corporate icons and mascots. They can't ever really grow or change too much, because it means that when new fans want to pick up the comic, they won't understand what's going on. Unfortunately, that leads to the writers trying to force in character development by shoving in multiple lesser characters and giving them new identities and costumes all the time, to make the book seem like it's actually moving somewhere (see: Batman and his sidekicks).

All comics need right now is to go back to the writing style of the eighties: where the four or five writers that are working on a specific character's different books (say Superman), sit around a table at the start of the year and plot what's going to happen in the books in that year and how they are going to carry on from last year. The comics from 1980s/early 90s certainly aren't Shakespeare, but they have a continuity and a feeling of movement that hasn't been emulated since. Nowadays, the Big Two Companies just dump apocalyptic storyline after apocalyptic storyline into their books with no flow from previous stories.

These are all basically reasons that you should be reading Invincible (strong, flowing story with a Soap Opera-style method of movement and with story arcs planned long in advance).
Click to expand...

I can't think of a way to say "I agree" that's clever and emphatic enough, so let's just say "Exactly." and leave it at that.
 
TwilightEL said:
He once told someone a story about being trapped in an iceberg or something and eating strips of his own arm to survive. The strips grew back.

My entire body is filled with white-hot rage just thinking about it.

SOMETHING DOES NOT COME FROM NOTHING. SOMETHING DOES NOT COME FROM NOTHING. SOMETHING DOES NOT COME FROM NOTHING.

Cells splitting takes energy and matter. Your body does not digest food with 100% efficiency. There is so much wrong arrrgh it doesn't make any ****ing sense! And the only ****ing point was to show off how "badass" he is, but it's so ridiculously over the top and stupid that I wanted the other character to say, out loud, "Are you ****ing joking?"

Wolverine is the least badass character ever. The point of his existence? Meat shield. Sure, he may have all that super-spy training and ****, but his only function is to get the **** beaten out of him to prove how strong the villain of the week is without actually, you know, changing anything.

I mentioned before on this thread that he constantly has his face on TV. I would like to reiterate this. Wolverine should have the most known face in the universe. It's ridiculous that anyone wouldn't be able to recognize him on sight. Anyone who has ever depicted him as going undercover (not sneaking around, going undercover) without some kind of full-face disguise, preferably telepathic or holographic, is an idot. Every SHIELD agent should know him by sight. Every X-men villain should know him by sight. Every X-man should know him by sight.

Okay, I'm looking at an X-men handbook, and it has a page on Madripoor, some stupid fake country. It's described as a "business capital", so even though that "business" is piracy, I'm assuming they have ****ing televisions. It's populated by "international criminals and criminal organizations", who would have a vested interest in knowing what superheroes look like.

I'm looking at Wolverine's disguise right now. Do you know what it is?

It's his regular suit that he used to wear a lot. With the hat he wears all the time. And a cigarette, which he used to smoke all the time until Joe Quesada decided that smokers set a bad example for the kids, who should be learning to make deals with the devil so they can hide from the real world in mommy's uterus some more instead of getting married and getting a job. Wait, where was I?

Oh, yeah. Since all these things are clothes he wears normally, there is only one aspect to his disguise.

An eyepatch.

I'm going to quote the caption verbatim:



I am having a ****ing seizure right now. I am foaming at the mouth. This is stupider than children's stories. There are stories for five-year-olds that are more clever than this. It is the stupidest thing I've ever read. Its existence is an insult to me. This is the closest I have ever been to destroying a book.

And another thing. By now, Wolverine's continuity is so ridiculously ****ed up and convoluted that nobody pays any attention to what's come before them. People have told so many "untold tales" that you could probably make a timeline filling in every second of his life. Due to this, any writers either tell the story they want to tell or pick a backstory that will fit their story. They have a character or source who should be believed tell the new backstory and then base a story off of it. And then, the next douchebag ignores that in favor of what they want, and so the credible character or source (within Marvel's fictional universe) becomes unbelievable and the whole damn cycle starts all over again.

He's like the embodiment of everything that's wrong with modern superhero comics. He ignores physics and reason in favor of absurd "badass" moments and gore. He ignores logic and common sense in favor of holding on to an outdated, one-dimensional aspect of his personality because nothing can ever change. He has that awful, "tongue in cheek", "humorous" bull**** that would make a toddler feel patronized. He has the ignorance or apathy towards continuity that destroys any meaningful arcs of growth or plot development.

I hate Wolverine. I hate Wolverine. I ****ing hate Wolverine. He is the worst character ever. I want him to die cold, alone and afraid. I want Marvel to change his ongoing into a title showcasing all the ways he should logically be able to die, one at a time.

And you know what the absolute worst part is?

BKV is writing a Wolverine miniseries.

I feel like my brain has locked up and refused to work.

Wait, no! I can change this into another reason to hate Wolverine!

Reason number whatever: BKV is writing a miniseries about Wolverine instead of coming back to Runaways.
Click to expand...

Can we call this "the Twi option"?
 
Laylatext2.jpg


Thats why we hate Wolverine.

God I miss our sigpics.
 
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