M&Ms vs Darwin and Satan's Plan to Deny God

[moonmaster]

From Craig's list...

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I'm afraid to say that I'm an M&M racist.

When I eat M&Ms, I have a strange compulsion to pair M&Ms of the same color and then eat the pair at the same time. I cannot eat two M&Ms of different colors.

I don't like mixing races.

My god. This are hilarious.

lvl 8 ogre mage seeks moon queen or druid - Goths are too creppy, but blue skins okay.

*** kicking machine - A carpenter to boot.

An open letter to the person(s) who stole my porch light. - He will get it back.

You: gorgeous with blue eyes. Me: in your dumpster. - w4m - I wonder where the cup came from...

No, I'm Not Going to Stab You - I'd ask if there were cookies too.

:lol:

"Game play and fornication."

This Cragslist listing has been making the rounds, and was printed in the Sun-Times last Sunday:

Harvard senior seeking female companion - 22

My final club has a reunion this fall, and my relationship of two years ended disastrously earlier this summer. I have an invitation for myself plus one, and am willing to show you a great time. It is a private party, in an extremely classy setting. There is no real way to describe how ornate the club is, but I guarantee that it will be the most upscale experience of your life. Think back to your high school prom, take away the terrible music, and multiply the experience by ten.

You must be white, 5′6″ - 5′9″, young, blonde, attractive, and intelligent. You must be in school, preferably Tufts or Wellesley but BU and BC are acceptable (definitely not MIT).

You should be able to hold a conversation, know when to be quiet, and polite in all your behavior. I have seen unruly guests embarrass members before, and I hope this won't be a problem. This event is black-tie, and I am willing to procure an evening gown for you.
I hate to sound so harsh, but I have expectations to live up to. No Asian, overweight, or unattractive women please. Ages 18-22 only.

Picture required.

First moony, now you? What is going on here??

The racism. It's spreading.



Excellent.

 

[Lynx]

They certainly fit in better to the Autumnal-themed palette than bright blue.

Do you tell that to the sky when the Autumnal Equinox hits, too?

DAMN YOU, SKY, FOR RUINING THIS FINE AUTUMN DAY!

 

[Planet-man]

The tan colour is still represented by the cores of M&M peanuts anyway. They can't legally say they're dropping it because people are more comfortable with blue so they just bumped it up to a cushy inside job where it can stay out of the public eye. Scandall avoided.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

You know, I have no idea why Harvard and MIT have such a stupid rivalry, they both suck. I work at MIT and let me tell you, there's no smart thing going on over here.

 

[Friday]

You know, I have no idea why Harvard and MIT have such a stupid rivalry, they both suck. I work at MIT and let me tell you, there's no smart thing going on over here.

A friend of mine from high school took the SATs twice to make sure he got a perfect on his math. He then used that to get accepted to MIT in hopes of using that to get a free ride at CMU. I think the SAT score would have pulled it off for him.

 

[Random]

A friend of mine from high school took the SATs twice to make sure he got a perfect on his math. He then used that to get accepted to MIT in hopes of using that to get a free ride at CMU. I think the SAT score would have pulled it off for him.

I took the SAT 3 times, did a little worst each time. The last one gave me 3 writing/reading sections in a row, my mind was burnt after that

 

[Caduceus]

From Craig's list...

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

I feel that with this man alive in the world, my life is complete.

 

[thee great one]

I feel that with this man alive in the world, my life is complete.

You don't get that feeling with me?

 

[Ultimate Houde]

This has one of the best titles for a thread.

 

[Bass]

It does. I had forgotten this existed.

 

[Zombipanda]

I was looking for the birthday thread so I could wish TyphoiDCat a happy birthday and instead I found the greatest topic in the world.

THANKS BASS!

 

[Bass]