Houde's Ultimate Baby Advice Thread

[Ultimate Houde]

Okay, so I don't think I understand what you're saying here at all. Marriage is by definition an institution (an established law, practice, or custom according to my mac dictionary). When you say that "marriage is nothing more than an institution" Are you saying that marriage is just a custom that we've developed over time in our society and therefore isn't inherently important? Or am I way off?

That's exactly right. It's a custom that people think you need to do to "grow up" or "part of becoming an adult". People think that marriage is somehow linked to a mythical "next step in your life", when in reality it isn't important at all. If you get along with the other person is what's more important.

Also, can you please explain how the institution of marriage causes friction in relationships? If you're in a committed long term relationship (say, hypothetically, you own a house together and are having a kid) how is it negative to officially declare and celebrate your commitment and love to each other by getting married?

How is marriage a celebration of my love and commitment to my girlfriend? I don't view it like that at all.

I guess what I'm saying is that I can understand someone not feeling that marriage is important (although I disagree). But what makes it negative? How does the institution somehow cause otherwise healthy relationships to fall apart, in your opinion?

The stress of throwing the perfect marriage for instance. I've seen the healthiest of couples crumble under this pressure. I have seen people freak out over having to be with only one person there entire life (I don't understand this myself. No matter what people tell you, we are hardwired to find a mate and mate with them for life).

I'm just trying to understand where you're coming from.

From my life in the 20's where I saw a bunch of friends get married, then completely lose their will to live. Though I attribute that more to their kids than anything else.

 

[Captain Canuck]

That's exactly right. It's a custom that people think you need to do to "grow up" or "part of becoming an adult". People think that marriage is somehow linked to a mythical "next step in your life", when in reality it isn't important at all. If you get along with the other person is what's more important.

okay, well, while I disagree with you, I see where you're coming from.

How is marriage a celebration of my love and commitment to my girlfriend? I don't view it like that at all.

If you don't see it that way, I don't think I can really explain it. In my mind that's just intrinsically what it is.

The stress of throwing the perfect marriage for instance. I've seen the healthiest of couples crumble under this pressure. I have seen people freak out over having to be with only one person there entire life (I don't understand this myself. No matter what people tell you, we are hardwired to find a mate and mate with them for life).

You mean the perfect wedding? I agree with that. People stress like crazy over one day, but the wedding day isn't the same thing as the marriage, I feel like if people (read: women) could gain some perspective on that, it would solve that problem.

And I also agree that we're "hard-wired" to mate for life with one person. I honestly feel like our culture has embraced selfishness to the point that marriages/relationships fail just because people don't know how to be committed to another person and sacrifice their desires for another person (what I'm saying is there's a lot of people who don't know how to love because selfishness is such a central part of our society).

Anyway, thanks for answering my questions, Houde.

 

[Zombipanda]

Pfffffffft... I don't need approval or recognition from the church or the state to validate my relationship. The healthiest relationships I know are non-married couples who are committed partners in all the ways a marriage would entail. And no, I'm not hard-wired to mate for life. Maybe I'm defective.

If you insist on marriage, you're saying that what other people think of your relationship is more important than the relationship itself. That's a problem.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

You mean the perfect wedding? I agree with that. People stress like crazy over one day, but the wedding day isn't the same thing as the marriage, I feel like if people (read: women) could gain some perspective on that, it would solve that problem.

They do, but I was emphasizing the marriage for a reason. People who believe marriage is suppose to go one way, and when it doesn't they freak out about it and blame the marriage. The wedding is true as well, as I have personally witnessed bridezillas and Groomzillas.

And I also agree that we're "hard-wired" to mate for life with one person. I honestly feel like our culture has embraced selfishness to the point that marriages/relationships fail just because people don't know how to be committed to another person and sacrifice their desires for another person (what I'm saying is there's a lot of people who don't know how to love because selfishness is such a central part of our society).

Agreed. The need to have things now in the current culture is ridiculous. Waiting for a deal on something is hardly heard of anymore, most people just go out and buy it. Same thing with relationships now a days. No more waiting, it's LET'S GET OUR CLOTHES OFF!

Good things come to those that wait.

Anyway, thanks for answering my questions, Houde.

I can be serious when I want to be.

Pfffffffft... I don't need approval or recognition from the church or the state to validate my relationship. The healthiest relationships I know are non-married couples who are committed partners in all the ways a marriage would entail.

Me too.

And no, I'm not hard-wired to mate for life. Maybe I'm defective.

There is always a small percentage of people who fall out of the norm. Or you just haven't found someone compatible with you yet.

If you insist on marriage, you're saying that what other people think of your relationship is more important than the relationship itself. That's a problem.

Good point, and I know people think this of me. People are always judging my relationship because we aren't married, but they are. Why does marriage make your relationship better than mine? We've been together longer, been through alot more, but because you threw yourself a party, you have a better relationship than I do? Please.

 

[E]

And no, I'm not hard-wired to mate for life.

Don't flatter yourself.

There is always a small percentage of people who fall out of the norm.

You're talking about The Gays, aren't you?

 

[ProjectX2]

What if... the baby was made of cheese?

 

[Ultimate Houde]

You're talking about The Gays, aren't you?

Save that for the Zombipanda's Ultimate Gay Advice Thread

What if... the baby was made of cheese?

I hope the baby doesn't smell like cheese.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

I've never had children, and I don't really start working with youngsters until they're around three years old, so the baby phase is still a mystery to me. The best I can do for you right now is send or recommend some books. If your mailing address hasn't changed, I might be able to ship you some stuff this weekend.

If you are on good terms with either or both sets of your parents, ask them for advice. (You don't have to take it, mind you, and some of it may be outdated, but those folks have the experience.)

Oh, and ask E if you can put him on speed-dial for emergency assistance. ;-)

Seldes is winning the thread. She just sent me three books (one of which Sexynurse hasn't put down yet) two bibs and a christmas stocking. Personally, I don't think a bear should be driving a car, but Sexynurse liked it so it's good.

She also included a very nice letter, which is always good.

Thanks Seldes.

 

[J. Agamemnon]

Well if all you wanted was handouts, why didn't you say do?

 

[Seldes Katne]

It's been my observation that any couple expecting a new baby needs handouts. Especially if it's a first child.

Seriously, send stuff.

You're welcome, Houde. I hope everything goes smoothly. And just as an aside: given my first Driver Education lesson (which was also the first time I'd ever been behind the wheel of a vehicle larger than a lawnmower, btw), I think a bear driving a car is probably a couple of steps up. (I managed to achieve a cruising speed of 10 mph during that lesson. A major milestone at the time. )

 

[mike3717]

Seriously, send stuff.

"Stuff"?

Ah! Like one of those booger suction things? And baby poop wipes.

Ooooh and something that plays music to make the crying stop. (Something to make the baby stop crying would prob be cool also. )

 

[E]

Ah! Like one of those booger suction things? And baby poop wipes.

I am a diaper changing machine. I have no problem dealing with poopy diapers. Baby ones, anyway.

But I can't and won't use those booger sucky things to suck boogers. That's just vile.

 

[Zombipanda]

I don't know. I still think marriage is vile. The problem is, marriage is a custom and people get married because it's customary. The assumption that it needs to be done outweighs standards of love and companionship because it's an assumed part of a relationship and it's something I can't articulate because I'm drunk because I get drunk because I can't cope with being in relationships because the only thing I hate more than everybody is myself.

That said (E!), I'm in a happy open relationship. We don't feel the need for marriage (She's still technically married) and we're both ethically opposed to breeding. And neither of us has slept around despite the option being there. If you're content and well-matched, I don't think a social contract is going to make a difference one way or another. Ultimately it's about the relationship between two people: not about the relationship between two people and the state or two people and the church.





In summary, babies are gross and stupid and I drink too much in life because I can't cope with my own genius. Congratulations, Houde!

 

[eroz]

Another piece of advice....get them into a routine, especially a bedtime routine. it might be hard for a while with them crying but if you leave them alone (roughly 15minutes) they fall asleep. I have a 3 and a 1-year old. The 3-year old was really easy and goes to bed pretty easy. The 1-year has finally accepted the routine and looks forward to it. Occasionally she throws a fit for a few minutes but falls asleep.

Give them a bath, read them a story and then straight to their beds while they are still awake.

The only bad thing is, they want it every night. So if we have a family gathering we can not stay too late otherwise they get cranky. My family "makes fun" of us but my kids are in bed at the latest, 8:30pm and then it is finally my time. While my family's kids are up all hours of the night.

 

[ProjectX2]

Don't ever put your baby thing in bacon grease.

 

[mike3717]

Don't ever put your baby thing in bacon grease.

That can't be right. Bacon makes everything better.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

Well if all you wanted was handouts, why didn't you say do?

Give me your bad romance.

I am a diaper changing machine. I have no problem dealing with poopy diapers. Baby ones, anyway.

But I can't and won't use those booger sucky things to suck boogers. That's just vile.

I find it humorous that you are proud you are a diaper changing machine. After three kids, I'd expect you to be.

As for the booger things, I agree.

I don't know. I still think marriage is vile. The problem is, marriage is a custom and people get married because it's customary. The assumption that it needs to be done outweighs standards of love and companionship because it's an assumed part of a relationship

My thoughts as well.

That said (E!), I'm in a happy open relationship. We don't feel the need for marriage (She's still technically married) and we're both ethically opposed to breeding. And neither of us has slept around despite the option being there. If you're content and well-matched, I don't think a social contract is going to make a difference one way or another. Ultimately it's about the relationship between two people:In summary, babies are gross and stupid and I drink too much in life because I can't cope with my own genius. Congratulations, Houde!

Umm...thanks?

Another piece of advice....get them into a routine, especially a bedtime routine. it might be hard for a while with them crying but if you leave them alone (roughly 15minutes) they fall asleep. I have a 3 and a 1-year old. The 3-year old was really easy and goes to bed pretty easy. The 1-year has finally accepted the routine and looks forward to it. Occasionally she throws a fit for a few minutes but falls asleep.

Give them a bath, read them a story and then straight to their beds while they are still awake.

The only bad thing is, they want it every night. So if we have a family gathering we can not stay too late otherwise they get cranky. My family "makes fun" of us but my kids are in bed at the latest, 8:30pm and then it is finally my time. While my family's kids are up all hours of the night.

I hate kids who are up all night, and thank you for this advice.

Don't ever put your baby thing in bacon grease.

WRONG. Bacon grease would make the dog fall in love with the kid.

Personally, I think I would value advice from the following people. Kalicki and McCheese. To me they would know alot about babies.

Doom would just be a dick about it and make it all about himself. If he ever leaves Area 53 that is.

 

[J. Agamemnon]

I am a diaper changing machine. I have no problem dealing with poopy diapers. Baby ones, anyway.

But I can't and won't use those booger sucky things to suck boogers. That's just vile.

The sad part for me is, I hate dealing with any of this, and I have become 95% comfortable changing diapers (up from 0%). i still can't really deal with boogers, and Jen bought one that looks like a pen connected to a suction tube. The only standing between you and sucking up boogers is a fine piece of sponge. Also vomit...I cannot stand the site of vomit. it's like watching food spoil as it spews.

houde, I can rummage through some of Jett's old stuff and send them your way. I'll ask for an address once Jen can collect me some things. I'll get you a nice 1yr old hoodie I saw at target.

Don't ever put your baby thing in bacon grease.

Or next to corn ballers.

 

[E]

Personally, I think I would value advice from the following people. Kalicki and McCheese. To me they would know alot about babies.

While I have no doubt they have opinions about babies, I don't believe I've ever seen evidence they know anything about them or there care thereof.

 

[Captain Canuck]

I don't know. I still think marriage is vile. The problem is, marriage is a custom and people get married because it's customary. The assumption that it needs to be done outweighs standards of love and companionship because it's an assumed part of a relationship and it's something I can't articulate because I'm drunk because I get drunk because I can't cope with being in relationships because the only thing I hate more than everybody is myself.

That said (E!), I'm in a happy open relationship. We don't feel the need for marriage (She's still technically married) and we're both ethically opposed to breeding. And neither of us has slept around despite the option being there. If you're content and well-matched, I don't think a social contract is going to make a difference one way or another. Ultimately it's about the relationship between two people: not about the relationship between two people and the state or two people and the church.





In summary, babies are gross and stupid and I drink too much in life because I can't cope with my own genius. Congratulations, Houde!

Marriage is beautiful. It can be anything but beautiful, but if its done right and both the husband and the wife can be selfless enough to put the other person first, it should be the greatest thing ever. I don't believe its just a social contract, it's a covenant between two people, before God (you disagree, I know) to be absolutely committed to one another forever, no matter what else happens. Our society has screwed it up so that now (as you say) it's only a social contract where they promise to be absolutely committed to each other forever, no matter what happens, but they really only mean as long as it is convenient and they feel like it. That kind of marriage is vile - and if that's the way you think about it then I agree, why bother? But marriage, the way its intended to be is amazing.