I was sent
this clip in an e-mail, and I thought I'd post my outrageous fanboy reaction. Please read it less like a genuine complaint and more like the e-mail equivalent of a stand-up routine, as intended.
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The footage shown annoyed me and I was trying to work out why and then I realised: This is Cap. In World War II. He is surrounded by tanks. And Nazis.
And he is shot at
once.
With an electro-gun. And despite it hitting a metal target (the ****ing shield) Cap isn't electrocuted because he isn't earthed (except he's standing on the ground). Perhaps the shield is part rubber. That would explain why it
bounces.
There are no bombs. There is no machine gun fire. I assume the War is only on from nine to five, weekdays.
And Cap doesn't even need to look at Nazis to beat them up, because he can throw his shield away from his enemies and they'll bounce back around hit the guy and then he can catch the shield. I assume the War is set in the magical toon land of Acme Acres. That would explain why Cap doesn't
kill a ******* one of them and they bounce around like they're on Takeshi's ****ing Castle.
And then, when two Nazis do surround him and get the jump on him, they each have
two flamethrowers, something Cap's shield can't really protect him from, and they decide to
not actually hit Captain America but instead shoot around him. Perhaps they think the fire is like his shield and therefore they must aim away from him so the fire can bounce back and hit their intended targets. This is more preposterous than the Cosmic Cube. Germans are genetically incapable of being that incompetent.
When I heard the vibe they were going for was "Indiana Jones" I had hoped they meant RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK and not ****ing KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL NERF-CANNON.
But it's good because kids hate violence and death. That's why RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, JAWS, STAR WARS, THE LORD OF THE RINGS, and THE DARK KNIGHT all tanked.
Note to Hollywood: If BACK TO THE FUTURE can have a ****ing
rape scene in it, Captain America can kill
science Nazis that are trying to take over space-time during World ****ing War ****ing II.
But maybe in the context of the film it'll work. Maybe the Nazis have been given strict instructions to capture Captain America with flamethrowers (that's what the police use to subdue people!), or perhaps this is a training level so Cap can get used to the shield combos.
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In all honesty, I expect CAPTAIN AMERICA to be as much fun as THOR and IRON MAN, if only due to the grenade scene, because
wow. And the cast is great. I'm looking forward to it. But it's fun to take the spark of frustration into personal offence. I only offer this disclaimer because I don't want people taking this seriously and 'rebutting' my rant. It's for a laugh.