I love The Punisher. I do. I even told a girl I would stab her in the eye with a toothpick if she ever said another disparaging remark about Frank Castle. So you can imagine the pain and anger I feel now.
This film breaks my heart. It really does. I was actually on the verge of tears while watching it and I can feel my eyes well up now while writing this. Just thinking about it makes my chest swell with pain and heartache.
I should've known this film would be this way from the jump. There were so many things we heard that were wrong about this film during creation that it was bound to be true. With every good bit of info we were fed…something bad went along with it:
Ray Stevenson replacing Jane in the sequel? Bad idea at first mention….but then you look and think about Stevenson as Castle and it makes sense and sounds promising. But then we're shown Stevenson in body armor. Bad.
- You hear about the script writers being heavily influenced by Ennis' MAX line. Awesome! But then we hear about the storyline involving Jigsaw? Ugh…he should've stayed in campy 616.
- The director is hardcore and has a warrior ethos about her when making the film hard and gritty as possible? Great. But she's fired a few months before release? What the hell?!?!?
I might not be so good with public math but that sounds like strike 3 to me.
As a diehard Punisher MAX fan, this film could've been great…but it wasn't. Instead it was a clichéd 90s action film with cheesy special effects (I mean come on…Frank punching a guy in the face so hard his fist goes thru his skull? Tough he may be…but Superman he is not!) and contrived dialogue. But for all its faults, to its credit, the film did give plenty of Easter Eggs to the MAX fans by throwing in various supporting characters like Pitsy, Ink, Maginty and some others. But too bad a majority of them were wasted. I mean turning the Russian mobster's father into Bulat (Yugoslavian villain from the MAX "Slavers" arc) instead of maybe actually being Russian General Zarkhov ("Man of Stone") is just a waste. Think of the build up for that!?!?!
It breaks my heart because this film was already done! It's not
Iron Man or
Hulk or
Fantastic Four where you have to come up with a mesh of how to translate this one thing from comics to film. The source material is grounded in realism! Castle hanging from a chandelier shooting people
Boondock Saints-style was stupid. There's no getting around that. And it's a shame we all had to see that because Ennis' version for how Frank took out a crime family at a big dinner/reunion was so much better and made more sense in terms of how Castle would act and operate. He might be ex-special ops….but that doesn't mean he's gotta get up close and go all Jason Bourne on the villains. He's gonna go the soldier route and plan a surprise attack with explosives, confine the enemy into an enclosed space, bottle-neck them so their numbers count for nothing, etc. NOT SWINGING FROM A ****ING CHANDELIER!!!!!
Don't even get me started on Jigsaw and his brother. How ****ing corny!!!! And then Loony Bin Jim hopping around like Tony Jaa or Jet Li? For what purpose!?!?!? It would've made more sense if he was just a scrapper who happens to bite. And what gangster would give himself a nickname like Jigsaw. I could see Billy "Jigsaw" Russo. But just saying "Billy Russoti is dead….call me….JIGSAW!" is just downright bad. Bad writing…bad acting…just bad.
Punisher: Warzone is THE worst Marvel film I've ever seen. I mean this in the most literal sense. I hope this film does so poorly that the studio decides that it is cost-ineffective to put it on DVD. Such a waste.
You can only imagine the rants and insanity that will ensue if anyone brings the DVD to HeroesCon in NC this coming summer. Houde-a-tary will be the least of your worries.