So I just finished reading Civil War, and how I laughed. Not at the top trumps of an ending ("I have MY super army!" "Oh yeah? Thor! I choose you!" And then - those guys do nothing. Seriously, it was like ****ing Rock-Paper-Scissors.), I kept laughing because I couldn't stop thinking of Jeeves and Wooster.
For those of you who don't know, Jeeves and Wooster was a series of short stories written by PG Wodehouse, about a young man (Wooster) and his butler (Jeevers). It was televised in England and starred Hugh Laurie (or "Dr House" as you know him) as Wooster, and Stephen Fry as Jeeves. The show was very funny.
The stories were all farces and essentially revolved around the concept that Wooster is asked to do some task by someone with power over him, such as his tyrannical Aunt Agatha. This task would be going to meet people, looking after family members, or marrying a girl. In all cases, this task is something Wooster absolutely abhors doing, and desperately creates a ridiculously convoluted plan to somehow, get out of the task. All he succeeds in doing is making it ten times worse. As this happens, Jeeves watches Wooster's own demise, and then, saves him from certain doom by performing a much simpler, precise, and clever plan. It's a hoot.
Anyhow, one line of the show, I remember quite fondly is, after Wooster has explained to Jeeves a ludicrous plan, Jeeves, polite as ever, clears his throat and calmly says (to the best of my memory) "I do believe, sir, that the suggested plan has too many variables to be considered plausible."
So, I couldn't help but think of Captain America as Bertie Wooster.
Cap's plan, his endgame plan, is to raid the prison, and free everyone. They don't have much time as the portal won't be open forever. However, Iron Man has set a trap, using his spy, Tigra! Cunning! But Cap knew this already! Double cunning! And his spy, Hulking, has been Hank Pym all this time and has let everyone out so that they can have a fight!
So, to sum up: Cap, who has the resources to free everyone in the negative zone, stages an enormous fight scene in an alternate reality to beat up his enemies so that they can free everyone in the negative zone.
He should've had a Jeeves. Jeeves would've expressed getting Hulking to free everyone, y'know... whenever he wanted.
What's the purpose of the staged fight? They can't 'arrest' Tony and the others. They're outlaws.
As for the ending, where Cap surrenders - I think this is a nonsense ending. I'll explain why: The whole premise of the series is that the best of friends, the world's greatest superheroes, will become so diametrically opposed that they will fight unto the bitter end to defend what they believe is right. I always had a problem with this, and I felt that problem quite strongly when I saw Spidey punch Mr Fantastic in the head - these guys don't fight each other. Because not one of them would throw the first punch. Seriously, who throws the first punch? Apparently, Millar thinks Cap will do so in retribution for something Iron Man did.
I don't buy it. I don't buy these guys fighting. But, I felt, it's not fair of me. This is the point of the series, after all. That these two guys fight. And while I might not agree, I should, I suppose, give in to that leap of faith, and let Mr Millar tell me that hero vs hero fight scene he's been working on. It's why I stopped reading it, but I felt I should put that problem aside, and finish it, by reading the last three issues.
And the ending is: Cap decides that it's wrong for them to be fighting.
...
Whatever.
I like Cap's reasoning, I really do. But... Cap felt that way before Civil War. He's regressed. The story's meaning regressed. It's become Ultimate Marvel, but with more characters.
I think, instead of Cap punching Iron Man in #3 or whatever, he should've surrendered then and there. And that's if anyone would be willing to actually hit Cap. Hell - even the Punisher, the goddamn mutha-****ing PUNISHER wouldn't lift a hand against Cap. Even after he beat the crap out of him.
I don't buy these guys would fight each other, and the entire plot of this series is, it's whole drive is to say "Hero Fight", it's a giant contrived plotline to get all these guys to fight, but the climactic point of the series is: "Heroes don't fight one another."
...
How self-defeating can you be?
I shouldn't have read it. Sorry.
